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Michael Cole's Cageside Evaluation

His name is Michael Cole, and Cageside Seats readers have reported back on what they love and loathe about Maggle. Here's the full evaluation.

Not really sure where to begin today, the comments overall were negative as expected, but varied wildly in content. Had a tough time picking my favorite comments, but I did it! I will also post the runner-ups below, because there were just so many. Anyways, onto the positives, what few you guys could muster.

  1. Foley Title Call - It's his best call (woo!), and it also happened about 15 years ago (oh...). One of you thought he put himself in Foley's shoes as he won the title and explained how everything went down.
  2. Stay Neutral - He's been a face and a heel, they both suck. Just stay in the middle, be boring, call the action, it's what you're best at, and it's only what you guys want to see.
  3. Heart Attack - When Lawler had some heart issues on-air Michael Cole became something that were rarely see...good. He was serious and gave the facts, almost like he had a flashback to being a war correspondent. I remember that night here on cSs and how many of you commented on how great of a job he was doing with everything that was going on. Remember that night Cole, and stay with that style!
  4. Promotes the Product - He does whatever the WWE asks of him, whether it sucks or super sucks. He has to push the friggin' app, the WWE Network, plus all the other crap that takes away from the action in the ring. It's not his fault, but he is a company man, and I'm sure the WWE loves him for that.
  5. JBL/Cole Show - For some reason this show is great, yet they are so annoying on TV.

Now onto my favorite comment, which is probably one of the coolest responses I've seen on here by WallopingWebslinger - "Like: In this disconnected, bloodless, post-modern society, Cole’s commentary reminds me of what it means to feel passion, the passion of a thousand suns beating down upon me, rending asunder the cool detachment of my ennui. His voice – that grating whine – dredges up emotions of years past, of a time not of innocence, no, but of presence. He reminds of an emotional epoch before resentment bred animosity, the penultimate step on the existential ladder. He was a bastion of absolutes, an idyllic ghoul, an outermost swing of the manichean pendulum between love and hate, constituting a platonic ideal of a turpitude I thought only existed in scripture. He makes me remember that I am still a human – still a man – who can sense, feel, and hate. Who can rage against the idiocy, but wither amidst impotent stupidity."



Now lets venture through the bad stuff.

  1. Heel Work - What a load of shit. Sorry, I try to refrain from cussing in these articles, but that time was so awful to listen to. Not only would he get some crap segment during Raw, but we would have to listen to his nonsense for the whole show! Oh yeah, then he feuds with Lawler, gets to wrestle at Wrestlemania, and wins! I actually had put all of this out of my mind, remembering it again just...angers me.
  2. You're Play-by-Play! - For someone who's job is to call the action, he does almost everything but that. Talk about apps, bickering with JBL, getting fed who knows what in his ear, missing moves, and big moments, come on Cole! How does he still mess up moves? How does he miss moments to make matches feel important. You know who didn't mess that up? Jim Fuckin' Ross...that's two cuss words now.
  3. He's not JR - Okay so he's not JR...but damn he got to work with him, you would think he'd try to mimic the finest commentator of the past 20 years. You guys even noticed that when Cole works with JR, Cole will step his game up and do his job.
  4. Vintage! - He cut back on this, but it's still annoying because if we watch anything from the past 5-10 years, we will hear it.
  5. Repeats Himself - Instead of painting a picture of the moment, the intensity in some kind of detailed form, it's just this obnoxious repetition of words over and over. Now JR did this with "Stone Cold!" and such, but I don't know, it felt different. Maybe someone can get into more detail about this in the comments.

Favorite comment here was near impossible to pick, but I'll go with *Asterisk* using a very mathematical way of describing his utter hatred towards Cole - "Hate. Let me tell you how much I’ve come to hate Michael Cole since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill Geno Mrosko’s hatred for Curtis Axel. If the word ‘hate’ was engraved on each nanoangstrom* of those hundreds of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for Michael Cole at this micro-instant. For Cole. Hate. Hate."

*A nanoangstrom is one tenth of a quintillionth of a meter


Here are some more quality comments from today:

"Basically Internet fans/smarks hate Cole. I get it. Announcing in pro wrestling is a pretty thankless job, unless your name is Solie, Styles or Ross (and maybe Monsoon or Heenan?). But Cole’s there for a reason. He promotes the product like nobody else. That’s why he was brought on in the first place, as hypeman Todd Pettengill’s replacement. And he does a good job of promoting the product. He works a lot of the shows, getting plugs in for the matches and stories WWE wants to push, and whatever Twitter tripe and social media stuff they want to pimp.
He was essentially shoehorned into the lead announcer role after JR’s bell palsy during the Attitude era. He’s a pro and seemingly down for whatever WWE wants him to do. Being berated by The Rock? He was. Being reamed by Heidenreich? Did it. Nonsensical heel turn? He did it. Working matches in a ridiculous outfit? He did it. He’s essentially the announcing version of the John Cena – consummate pro, always there, under-appreciated." - billytaylor

"He’s just so damn bland. He’s an unsalted saltine. Troll Cole, most of the time. He cannot impart that BIG MATCH FEEL that JR, Monsoon, Ventura, Solie, and even Lawler can do. Is Joey Styles ready to return to commentary yet?" - GuyinNY

"As the play-by-play announcer (and one who grew up on Jim Ross, Joey Styles, Gordon Solie, Gorilla Monsoon, and bombastic Vince McMahon), you are basically the salesman and storyteller to the home audience. Why should I care about this guy? Why is this guy doing this move? What the hell is that move, and why is it super effective? What’s his psyche? What’s his strategy? What’s his deal? If you’re talking about apps, failed social networks, fake reality shows, and pop culture ad-nauseum while a match is in progress, you’re basically telling the home viewer this match doesn’t matter. And maybe that match doesn’t matter in the grand scheme, but it matters in that moment, and I should be able to give a damn about the match in that moment." - The Notorious Eddie Mac

"I’d swap MAGGLE with Tony Schiavone any day of the damn week,and I’d as soon toss Schiavone into the La Brea tar pits than give him a job." - Tyrios

"He’s never allowed to (call a match), because Vince is in his ear constantly telling him to shill for the app or bicker with JBL instead of actually calling the match. He should never, ever, ever ever go heel again. Or get involved in a storyline. Or do anything but call the matches properly." - Reverend Kain

"Did we really need THREE Lawler/Cole matches? Did it need to take up 30 minutes at WM?" - R Reg

"Like: He’s never killed a man" - Duke Phillips. Jonathan Loesche responded "Allegedly never killed a man."

"I do not hate Michael Cole not just because he’s annoying, not just because he’s not actually a play-by-play commentator, not just because his “character” is nothing more than a ridiculous, mean-spirited gimmick, but because he insults the business he works for, and mocks the very profession he has chosen and I have chosen. I loathe him on a personal level beyond just your average wrestling fan. I loathe him because he takes a profession with so much history, and I have so much respect for, and completely grinds it into the dirt before my eyes." - SkyonAir


Lastly, lets see how the poll went. With 173 votes, Mr. Cole's average score is 2. Just made it out of the Khali Club, we'll see where it goes by the end of the week though.

Funny and very angry stuff today guys, hope you enjoyed getting all that off your chest. For tomorrow, I will pick one of the first three suggestions I get in the comments below, go!

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