TNA Impact results and reactions from last night (Sept. 26): Oh, brother

TNA Impact returned to Spike TV last night (Sept. 26, 2013) and was broadcast LIVE from Little Rock, Arkansas on Spike TV. It built off of last week's Dixie Carter heel turn and towards their next pay-per-view (PPV), Bound for Glory on October 20th.

Click here for the live blog. I don't know what to do with them, but this show did cause some reactions. Here they are:

• I guess they had to get Bully Ray mixed up in the Dixie Carter story, since he's the champ and headlining BFG. But having him say that Carter had taken care of AJ for him doesn't make anybody believe in Dixie as a character or Bully as champ. The latter is further undermined when he spends several segments tonight dealing with the threat of freaking Knux.
• The "HO" chants? I can't even...hey, every pro wrestling promotion on Earth. Can we leave these in the last decade, please?
• Wes Brisco needs some sunscreen. He might need one of the Stinger's XXLs for the next time he hits the pool. Melanoma is no joke, Red.
• Seriously - remember when Ray had tied together a year's worth of dangling plot threads to become World champ and tell a cohesive story for Aces and Eights?
• Eric Young has just now figured out that something weird happens when Joseph Park bleeds. He becomes an unstoppable wrestling machine. So why would EY ask him to stop shaving to avoid bleeding when they're about to wrestle together. I'd bust him open like he was Kenny King...
• Speaking of, look who's still employed! Gail Kim is, too, but I don't want to talk about that six person, inter-gender catastrophe. I like the Pretty Boy Pitbull, and I thought he an Austin Aries put on a good match. But there's nowhere for King to go but right back on the shelf after he was soundly put down by the former champ here.
• Was he busted open with his own t-shirt? That looked like he bladed, which makes no sense. I applaud TNA creative for addressing the continuity of Aries' hijacking the Suicide suit to win the X-Division crown. But the crimson mask made it seem like this was a big deal for King, and makes the loss look even worse when he gave his all and A-Double didn't even break a sweat.
• We should get good matches out of Austin's impending feud with Chris Sabin, though. Sabin's heel work is pretty pedestrian at this point, but it could work. VelVel, you're no Miss Elizabeth.
• Kurt Angle will be back for his Hall of Fame induction at Bound for Glory. Please don't die.
• Hulk Hogan showing up to tell us he was going to show up again later? That's so Hogan.
• Those looking for fresh blood were teased with the debut of former Gut Check wrestler Lei'D Tapa and someone called "Ethan". Judging by the graphic for the latter and the rate at which TNA is ripping off WWE concepts, I'd guess he's a ballroom dancer or a model. Maybe both.
• Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian should clown on every member of the roster while Bobby Roode looks amused yet annoyed. This should come on my screen every ten minutes. Ratings and critical reaction would improve exponentially.
• The un-patching of Wes Brisco after the Main Event Mafia beat Aces and Eights went on way too long. Knux doing the same schtick that Big Show is doing in WWE is a bad look. Why is the champ mired in this when the biggest show on your calendar is weeks away?
• The things that Dixie Carter says could be amazing, if not for two things. (1) Everything about it, except maybe the 1% stuff and the implied creepy sexual attraction to Hogan, is already being done on Monday and Friday nights. (2) Dixie is so bad at delivering it. Like an understudy from the Plano community theater suddenly has to play Tamora, Queen of the Goths under the lights in Big D bad.

• No

I smiled exactly twice while watching this show. Once when Kenny King showed up, and that's a debatable personal preference. The second was when the Extraordinary Gentleman's Organization were on-screen. The rest was all fear and loathing.

Grade: D

How was it for you?