Back to our usual Friday publishing schedule just as the HuluPlus streaming B-show reverts to obscure match-ups that have no bearing on the main storylines. But, hey, Alex Riley talks about Night of Champions a lot!
Santino Marella defeats JTG
in approximately three and a half minutes via pinfall
Santino just makes me smile. The best goofy foreign accent this side of Peter Sellers, the malapropisms, the power walk, even the freaking Cobra. I missed you, Milan Miracle.
And look who's still getting paid! Also, money is being left on the table by not having a comedy heel faction of JTG, Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins. 99% of the country is dying to boo over-confident New Yorkers and cheer when they get their asses beat.
Marella starts off slightly more serious. He refuses to go down when shoulder blocked and repeatedly looks to re-engage on lock-ups as Tony Dawson and A-Ry talk up his Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) school in Toronto.
Comic relief comes quickly though, as does the turn in the match, when Santino hits an atomic drop and then mockingly laughs at Jason The Gangsta's reaction. A belly-to-back neckbreaker from the Brooklynite slows things down and puts him in the driver's seat. His psychology actually focuses on the throat, after a strike there and then a maneuver where he slingshots the Italian-Canadian neck first into the bottom rope.
When that isn't enough for three, J pulls down the pad and does for a drop knee from the top rope. When he missed, it's hip toss, head butt, COBRA time. The former Cryme Tymer ducks under the finishing strike and locks on a sleeper. Santino still pecks at his opponent with his besocked hand, eventually causing JTG to release the hold.
Soon after, the Cobra does connect and G twitches and convulses like he's been bitten by an actual poisonous snake. My inner eight year old loves it.
Match Footage below via WWE.com's Official YouTube Channel:
HHH breaks down Scott Armstrong's normal cadence and strips Daniel Bryan of the WWE championship in our first clip from Raw. We then get a stellar video package recapping the Rhodes vs. McMahon issues that leads to highlights of the segment with Dusty, Stephanie and The Big Show from Monday.
Kofi Kingston defeats Drew McIntyre
in approximately nine and a half minutes via pinfall
The incessant talk about last Sunday's pay-per-view (PPV) reminds us that both of these men are former Intercontinental champions. In case anyone thought that the white and gold strap has been relevant at any point in the current era.
The Scot is accompanied by his 3MB band mates. In what might be my favorite moment in a completely decent match-up, Kofi stares at Heath Slater's antics during the entrance in slack-jawed disbelief. My second favorite was probably when Kingston screamed like a Wildcat being castrated without anesthesia on a crossbody before the break.
Changing things up, we go to commercial after McIntyre has rolled out of the ring. But instead of diving onto the guys, Kofi pensively considers the NUMBERS GAME. And when we come back, the match-up is still on even ground.
That stops when Drew catches his opponent climbing to the top turnbuckle and nails him with a facebuster that looks like a reverse Alabama Slam. Most of the rest of the match is a variety of strikes from McIntyre. Kingston gets a couple of near falls on acrobatic cradle attempts, Slater lands a cheap shot while he's hung up in the ropes - the usual.
After the slowest-looking running elbow I've ever seen and a clothesline from the top fail to finish off the ten-time champ, The Chosen One taunts the crowd with a pose on the second rope. That gives Kofi time to recover and bring him down with a Frankensteiner.
KK's five moves of doom are interrupted by Slater just before the Trouble in Paradise. But after an attempt to hinder by Jinder Mahal is dodged, McIntyre has to pull up short in order to not knock down his Indian crewman. The TiP connects - this time to the back of his opponent's head, and the babyface prevails.
Match Footage below via WWE.com's Official YouTube Channel:
The give us a recap of the segment the replayed ten minutes ago, and then show the bulk of Bryan and Roman Reigns through to the good guy rescue that closed Raw.
There's nothing wrong with this show, but nothing that is remotely must see, either.
Grade: C- But it might be lower or higher depending on your feelings about Santino and his abominals (you can't see them because he's wearing a fancy t-shirt).
Agree? Disagree? Want to fantasy book region-based jobber factions? You know where to do it.
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