WWE NXT results and reactions from July 31: We're only dancing

Bada-Boom...realest guys in the room!

Enzo Amore, who shaved off his tickler for this appearance, and Big Cas stroll down the ramp to kick us off this week. Without too much lead in, Colin Cassady gets the microphone to do his version of the NY/NJ schtick. He does okay, but isn't as smooth or natural as the Certified G.

Things get awkward when Cas sings while Enzo sort of dances. That's when Tons of Funk show up, and I check to make sure I'm watching the right HuluPlus WWE show.

Amore and Colin try to bail, but William Regal and Tony Dawson insist that Sweet T and Brodus Clay are here for a dance party. The heels' feud-mate Mason Ryan shows up and shepherds them back to the ring, where Big Cas gets a tandem Call My Momma splash and his partner runs into an unimpressive-looking suplex facebuster thing from the Welshman.

Ryan dances (poorly) with the Funkasaurus and his teammate.

In what counts as a long time without a match for a NXT open, our next segment takes us backstage where Commissioner Dusty Rhodes is heaping praise on new Women's champion Paige and her fallen foe Emma for their performance last week. They're interrupted by the First Lady of NXT, Summer Rae, who says that Paige wouldn't even be champ if the Australian runner-up hadn't stolen their semi-final tournament match.

This breaks down to our second dance-based non-match of the show, as next week will feature Emma vs. Summer Rae in a "dance battle". The champ says what I was thinking when she screams "SHUT UP" at everyone else in the scene.

Charlotte defeats Sasha Banks

in approximately three and a half minutes via pinfall

Hey look, a match! And hey look, Sasha! I don't think we've seen her since her tournament loss to Summer a couple of months back. The announcers are playing up her New England roots and calling her "Boston Strong" now instead of talking about her cousin, Snoop Lion.

Naitch's baby girl is still a gymnastics-influenced character of indeterminate alignment. She cartwheels and does splits during her introduction. I think she's leaning heel in her in-ring character, but as long as she "WOO"s, she's gonna get cheers. They'll need to decide whether to ditch the Flair-isms or not pretty soon.

Banks looks technically sound during the early exchanges as she dictates the lock-up and holds onto a side headlock for a couple of nice takeovers, including a reversal out of a lift by the taller woman. There's a hurricanrana attempt that looks like it might be botched, by Sasha covers by transitioning it to an arm drag takedown.

The tide turns when Charlotte pops over on a whip and does a split to evade an attack and then rolls through the bridging schoolgirl pin attempt that they call Charlotte's Web. It looks kind of cool, but the set-up is so involved that even when your opponent is game, as Banks is here, it looks too contrived.

SB responds to being slapped by "taking it to the streets", which seems to be her character right now - she'll go ghetto on your ass when pushed. Equality - she's being racially stereotyped, just like the men! She locks Charlotte in a Camel Clutch that looks ridiculous given the women's sizes. It looks like the blonde could just lift her arms and get out of the hold.

After a nasty-looking (in a good way) leaping knee assault in the corner, Charlotte is able to dodge the next attack and slam Banks face first into the turnbuckle. That sets up her nifty cartwheel cutter for the win.

A bit of a comedown after last week's title bout, but both women show promise.

Now, my favorite female working for the 'E is set to interview Tyler Breeze. If there were any doubts that Breeze is just channeling Ben Stiller from Zoolander, this puts them to rest. His cadence is note-perfect and he does everything except refer to his "looks" by name. Renee Young is great with her reactions to the Gorgeous one:

The interview is video-bombed by CJ Parker. The live crowd seemed to enjoy that, or somebody in the truck broke out the laugh track.

The Wyatt Family (Luke Harper and Erick Rowan) defeats Aiden English and Mickey Keegan

in approximately thirty seconds when Rowan pins English

• The Wyatts get their big league "We're here" entrance. They also get a LOUD pop from the crowd at Full Sail Live, many of whom are swaying in time to their music.
• There was some music playing for English and Keegan, but they were also waiting in the ring for their opponents. They got more screen time while waiting, too, since this is over as soon as Harper and Rowan hit the ring. Erick launches Keegan to the floor, Luke hits his splash/clothesline combo on Aiden and then the redbeard busts out a nifty standing frog splash that gets impressive air.

Bray picks him up for a Sister Abigail before grabbing the mic. The crowd chants for another finisher, which seems to cause Wyatt to break into a legit smile. He then cuts what was almost a face promo; it was definitely still cult-ish, but more in a motivational way, saying that he was an example that outcasts can change the world.

This is their goodbye to NXT, as they're off to "bring down the machine". If we need him, we can always look to the sky and follow the buzzards. A "Thank You, Bray" chant from the faithful is cut off with abrupt static.

(Sniff) It's like your favorite local band being signed to a major label...so bittersweet.

Tag champs Adrian Neville and Corey Graves converse backstage. This, (1) serves to show that both guys can deliver lines but have a ways to go to seem natural speaking on camera and (2) is weirdly misplaced because they talk about needing to team-up to show the Wyatt Family what it means to go through hell. They were just in the ring saying they're leaving, fellas, I think you're safe.

Corey Graves defeats Scott Dawson

in approximately two minutes via submission

Slyvester Lefort provides his usual "I don't care" introduction for Dawson. I will say he had on some very nice pantalones. Where's Garrett Dylan? Oh, yeah, I don't care.

Regal does his best Jerry Lawler impression when deriding Lefort for being French. "I was in a French restaurant the other day and I asked the waiter if they had frog's legs. He said 'oui' so I said 'hop over there and make me a cheese sandwich." It's that dry British wit.

Dawson does his brawling Jamie Noble thing for about a minute and a half while Graves sells the heck out of it. Then Corey lands a boot off the ropes, connects with a chop block and cinches in Lucky 13. Scott quickly taps.

Bai Gawd! It's The Shield! Now, I don't think Ambrose lost out on the blue briefcase to teach the trio a lesson...but, "you're gonna go work a program in developmental when the Wyatts get called up" is a pretty good way to humble some young guys.

Seth Rollins starts with the stick, and, man, do I continue to be impressed with his skill as an interview. He puts over the WWE tag titles as being superior to the NXT tag titles. Dean Ambrose is his usual brilliant self, calling Neville a thief who only has a belt because he stole Kassius Ohno's spot.

The Jumpin' Geordie immediately challenges Ambrose to a match for his United States championship. The Hound of Justice agrees - for next week. Adrian promises to take the trio apart "brick by brick" as Rollins and Roman Reigns laugh at him.

Antonio Cesaro & Leo Kruger defeat Bo Dallas & Sami Zayn

in approximately twelve minutes via pinfall when Kruger pins Dallas

The NXT champion is introduced as being "controversial". I didn't see any back-turners, but there was a loud "No More Bo" chant mixed in with a smattering of applause. Cesaro probably got the loudest pop, as there's a deafening chorus of "We the People" when he starts against Dallas.

Antonio cheap shots Zayn with a boot in the corner. When the Swiss gets drop kicked by the champ, both men tag. Sami chases Cesaro through the ring, onto the floor and back under the ropes, but the South African catches him with a kick of his own while he's distracted. We hit a break following a big clothesline from the Swiss, but SZ in peril is the name of the game for the next ten minutes.

Regal calls AC's sleeper/headlock-variant a Cranial Crank, and he is most certainly using it a lot lately. When Zayn lands a couple of strikes, he laughs and taunts him before hitting some stiff-looking high knees and a European uppercut. Kruger tags in and connects with a head butt. No sooner have I written in my notes, "I wish more guys would head butt people" than Regal says, "I like a man that uses a head butt". Me and Sir Steven are simpatico.

Zayn does a great job walking the tightrope between comically overselling and playing dead. He finds a nice groove that I'd call punch drunk. He finally lands a boot to Cesaro to create some space, then fakes stacking up Leo in order to reach his corner.

Dallas does his flying around, stomping the mat antics and almost gets a pin with his rope-climbing bulldog. Antonio breaks that up at two, leading to Sami dumping him to the floor and the two brawling all the way to the back. The champ hits his finisher on Kruger when he is distracted watching his partner exit the scene, but it doesn't finish him (because it looks like crap and isn't a believable finisher in any way, shape or form). He rolls out and when Bo throws him back in he rises up to a big knee, followed by The Slice and a pin.

Which, unfortunately probably means that Dallas will retain in their title match next week. Shoot.

This was a real mixed bag of a show. We're back to a lot of squashes in order to advance stories, and while the main event was good, I doubt it's something I'll return to often, if at all. More Tyler Breeze and Renee Young, though, and I'll take The Shield as a means to ween us off The Wyatt Family.

Grade: B- (on the NXT scale)

What'd you like? Dislike? Not give a crap about? Let's hear about it in the comments!