clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

WWE Superstars Results and Reactions from July 11: Ain't nobody got time for that

Zeb Colter's crew face off with Zack Ryder, and Justin Gabriel gets into it with the Primetime Players on this not-quite-primetime show. Get the rundown and our thoughts on if you should make time for this week's 'Superstars'.

Mercifully, the Alex Riley commentary experiment is at least taking a week off. R-Truth joins Matt Striker at the desk.

Justin Gabriel defeats Darren Young

in approximately four minutes via pinfall

• Young is accompanied by his fellow Primetime Player, Titus O'Neil. His hair looks fabulous, but he primps it anyway. The South African is pony-tailed up at the start. Just want to keep all of you hairstyle marks informed.

• Power verus speed & agility is the story here. After some acrobatics from Gabriel and the trading of chops, Justin taunts Darren with a howl (cause he's a darewolf, which is when a werewolf turns back into a human because somebody said he couldn't, I think) and then sweeps his leg when he charges him. His momentum doesn't last long, though, as Young drops him on the turnbuckle and then punches him in time to Titus' whistle.

• Truth is alright here, and he might be fine for this role (small doses and all that). He and O'Neil jaw at one point, which is when he busts out Sweet Brown's catch phrase that earned this post its sub-title. He also claims that Gabriel "knocked his face off of his face" with a spin kick at one point.

• Kind of a sloppy affair all around. No major botches, but aside from the early chops they seem to be working pretty S-A-W-F-T (told you it was fun to say). One of JG's back kicks clearly hits little more than forearm, and it's supposed to be part of the set-up for the finish.

• Which is Gabriel going up in the corner for the 450 splash, but being distracted by Titus. The aerialist climbs down to chase him off and then springboards right back up to the middle of the ropes to hit his finisher.

• Impressive move that ends an unfortunately nothing match.

Match Footage below via's Official YouTube Channel:

The next twenty minutes are commericials, promos and Raw replays - notably a package for the WWE Championship match on Sunday, Vickie Guerrero's performance review and then a nice compilation of all the Wyatts stuff from Monday culminating in the debut and attack on Kane.

Antonio Cesaro defeats Zack Ryder

in approximately six and a half minutes via pinfall

• The Swiss (now residing in the US, according to his introduction from Justin Roberts) is here with his new buddies. He's also wearing Jack Swagger's shirt. Even if that renders my "International Superstar" shirt obsolete, I will not buy a "We the People", America in chains one. No, no, no, no, no.

• Strangely enough, I find myself agreeing with much of Zeb Colter's opening promo about how the plight of American cities is our fault as citizens. Maybe I'm not the only one, since the crowd chants along with the "We the People" pledge even after they were just shamed by Uncle Zeb.

• After some early takedowns, Cesaro holds Ryder on the mat with his knee while he puts his hand on his heart to say the group's slogan. I feel like he's already more committed to the gimmick than Swagger ever was. I still don't like it, but I respect playing the hand you're dealt. After some fast-paced back and forth, Antonio ducks out to consult with his partners and take us to a break.

• Basically, this is an extended squash for the villain, as he is never really in danger except for the end and it only gets that far because he's cocky and showboating instead of finishing off the babyface. Ryder gets to look resilient, and he does that well, but this is doing what it should do, which is showcasing Cesaro. From the floor, he lifts Zack above his head, carries him from the ramp to the ring and throws him back in. That also sets up a gutwrench suplex that I get a hernia just watching.

• The Long Islander is able to reverse a vertical suplex into a neckbreaker to set up some offense. There's a cool reversal where he charges in to deliver a big elbow, but Antonio races at him to hit a European uppercut.

• After a near fall from a Broski Boot, Cesaro rolls out again. Ryder hits a suicide flip senton, but when he goes to follow his opponent back in, Swagger grabs his leg. Iced Z kicks him in the face for his trouble, but that allows an opening for the newest Real American to lock in a swinging sleeper hold. Zack looks out, but AC gives him a neutralizer for good measure.

Match Footage below via's Official YouTube Channel:

This show ends as Monday's did, with CM Punk vs. Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan standing tall with the red briefcase.

Not a terrible effort for the HuluPlus offering. Truth is an upgrade on commentary, and Antonio Cesaro is incapable of having a bad match right now - regardless of gimmick or opponent. I'll give it a C, but I'd suggest you face forward to the Wyatt Family video.

Anybody else have time for this edition of Superstars? Let us know what you think in the comments below, and thanks for reading!

Sign up for the newsletter Sign up for the Cageside Seats Daily Roundup newsletter!

A daily roundup of all your pro wrestling news from Cageside Seats