Straight to the Coheed & Cambria this week, but before the action starts, we meet this week's innovative assortment of announcers, Byron Saxton, William Regal and Renee Young.
& Sylvester Lefort defeat Emzo Amore and Colin Cassady destroys everybody
in approximately one and a half minutes via submission when Cassady taps to Rusev
Cas is gonna get "sloppy jaloppy" over. Wonders never cease. I much prefer the back and forth the Jersey boys do over the Legionnaires having no backbone, therefore they're boneless - so Amore calls them chicken tenders.
Who knows what to expect from the big Bulgarian these days. Last week - no manager. This week - his manager is his tag team partner. The board breaking does appear to be gone. So that's good. He's much more intimidating with simply the robe ceremony.
Colin and Rusev start. And after some high knees to the gut and a splash by Alexander, we're pretty much finished. The big man flips Enzo into the ring and splashes him. Then when Lefort tags himself in to the match, he also gets flattened! Returning to the legal man, the brute locks Big Cas in The Accolade for the tapout.
The mysterious blonde appears at the top of the ramp and follows Rusev out. Renee is upset that this means there will be two blondes in the arena - the first of many, "I'm a girl so I know about clothes and hair and Instagram" comments from Young on this episode. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if she's going to be Divas expert and do nothing but flirt with the other announcers, I'd just as soon she remain an interviewer.
Aiden English defeats Jason Jordan
in approximately two minutes via pinfall
Full jobber entrance for Jordan, who I don't even think got a graphic. I caught his name when they said it, and because I haven't missed an episode of this show for almost a year.
I'm really curious to see The Artiste as he progresses up the card, if for no other reason than I want to see how long he can go without repeating entrance lyrics. He's already riffing off of previous ones, but I'm not complaining. He is the drama king, our favorite thing, in that ring.
Jason gets in a fair amount of offense at the start, but really only incites English, who takes over with a nice neckbreaker and pretty much stays in charge from about thirty seconds into this brief affair.
Aiden locks in a sleeper, and while it doesn't finish Jordan off, it does give him a chance to sing him a lullaby. William Regal, and the crowd, are all in on The Drama King.
Jordan does reverse out of the sleeper and connect with a dropkick, but he quickly runs into a back elbow and takes a convincing looking thump from the Director's Cut to end this one.
An encore is asked for and granted, with English repeating a verse of his entrance for us. They reward him with by tossing roses that I hope were provided by the crew, and Regal offers him a standing ovation as he exits, stage right.
WWE.com exclusive videos are becoming a staple of NXT. This week, they caught up with Adrian Neville having his knee examined following the in and out of ring beating it took from Corey Graves last week. The Jumpin' Geordie delivers a slightly above average speech where he gives props to Graves for trying to take him out, but vowing to return the favor, as their issues are just getting started.
Paige defeats Summer Rae
in approximately six minutes via pinfall
Let me get this out of the way. I had to do some math on the match time for this women's bout because, in addition to the October 30th episode of NXT having a really short run time to begin with, this match is interrupted by a THREE PLUS MINUTE RAW REBOUND. I don't like having my time wasted on Main Event or Superstars with stills from a pay-per-view (PPV) and a bunch of crap I saw on Monday. I sure as $#!+ don't want it on the best hour of television they produce every week.
I try to not be paranoid or overly negative, but given past rumors of the show heading to a broadcast home here in the States, the move to Hulu free, being released later and later every week, shorter run times and now FREAKING RAW REBOUND, I'm getting the fear real bad.
Okay, anyway, Summer is accompanied to the ring by her Beautiful Fierce Female (BFF) partner Sasha Banks. The Anti-Diva immediately goes for the hair and slams the blonde down by it, forcing The First Lady to roll out and consult with The Boss. SR uses Banks as a human shield when Paige comes for her, and throws the smaller woman into the Brit when she tries to attack.
The combatants each trying pinning maneuvers on one another when Paige re-enters the ring, but Paige eventually gets the upper-hand and headbutts her opponent to the mat. Eventually, Banks grabs a leg to distract the Women's champ, and gets thrown out by the referee.
Young and Regal banter incessantly throughout this match and the main event. It's occassionally clever, but mostly annoying and creepy. I don't know what the age difference is, but William comes off as lecherous and Renee comes off as dumb for playing into it (he asks for her to send him pictures of herself at one point while they're discussing Instagram and she agrees to as long as he direct messages her on Twitter), even when Saxton brings up Regal's wife. They're also NOT TALKING ABOUT THE MATCH, which used to be Sir Steven's strong point and pet peeve when other color commentators didn't do it.
Summer's offense is coming along nicely. It's still largely leg-based, but she transitions between moves, and between selling and attacking, much more fluidly. There's a spot where Paige has her by the hair on the apron, and Fandango's partner drops down to the mat and sweeps the champ's legs out from under her in one kicking motion.
After numerous nearfalls from the former lingerie football player, Paige catches her on a charge and tosses her with what looked like a quickly set-up fisherman suplex. After a couple of clotheslines and a dropkick, the brunette earns a two count. Summer rebounds off a whip to connect with a spinning heel kick, but The Diva of Tomorrow kicks out at two herself. When she gets lifted by the hair, she connects with a kick of her own and hits the Paige Turner for the victory.
Sasha returns to attack the champ after the bell, but Emma runs out to make the slave. While she's working over Banks in a corner, Paige puts a hand on her to calm her and gets decked for it. The segment ends with the frenemies staring each other down.
The backstage camera catches up with Tyler Breeze, who is carrying the yarn hair he cut from CJ Parker's head tied to a pair of scissors. That won't end well. He's going to teach that "derelict" CJP a lesson tonight.
Luke Harper gets a sick solo promo, where he declares that he's going to make his new favorite play thing say "Oh no". Given rumors of a push for Harper, this probably isn't good news for those of hoping for Kassius' victorious return. But in general, that's a program I can say "Oh yes" to.
CJ Parker defeats Tyler Breeze
in approximately eight and a half minutes via pinfall
Regal and Young almost win me back over when Renee asks if we can talk about Tyler's fuzzy cell phone case and the legend asks if pro wrestling is a good career choice for someone who doesn't like having his face touched.
CJP is all bidness! He storms to the ring (to almost no reaction from the crowd - and later he may have wished they had stayed quiet) and goes right on the offensive, targeting as many of his attacks as he can at Breeze's gorgeous face.
The crowd is completely behind the heel at the start, which is certainly their prerogative. When the chants progress from "CJ Sucks" to "Change Your Gimmick", though, you're way more interested in calling attention to yourself and how knowledgeable you are about insider terms. It's annoying, and I'm pretty sure the boys in the back think you're tools. After the 'smart' mark chants die down, a noticeable portion of the crowd does start reacting the way the performers are trying to get them to react - especially for Parker's comeback.
That comeback doesn't happen until after he completes an impressive number of rotations on an airplane spin. Breeze bails out before CJ can follow-up and when the face is getting ready to deliver some strikes from the second rope, he slips under and executes a painful looking double leg slam.
The man from Milan rogue's it up like crazy, clearly pissed that his hair has come out of it's ponytail holder. Standing on the Moonchild's face, delivering stomping kicks in the corner - he still finds time to snap a few selfies.
After a nearfall, Parker catches him when he heads up top and slams him down by his head. A series of punches to his face, a couple of clotheslines and a heel kick can't finish the model. But CJ does duck under a Beauty Shop kick and immediately lands the Third Eye (which I think Tom Phillips called the Moon Shot the last time we saw it - it's a rising open hand strike to the temple) for the win.
Parker goes for the scissors to take some of the Gorgeous One's hair for himself, but Tyler snaps back to reality just in time to roll out. The hair stuff is silly, but it fits the characters and gave them accuse to have Regal call CJ a "dirty, scruffy swine". So it's all good.
Here's the show, all 40 minutes (including Raw Rebound!) of it:
One of the more skip-able episodes in recent memory, with a couple of things that really rankled this reviewer. Most of the male acts populating the show right now are fun, but they're better side dishes. We need a main course - Harper and Kassius Ohno would certainly fit the bill if they let them. And I'm getting anxious for the Paige and Emma feud to lead to another match.
Well? What say you, dear readers?