WWE Saturday Morning Slam returned this morning (Jan. 5) to give us their first television show of 2013 for the kiddies. The usual two bouts of action were packed into this week's taped edition of their sports sitcom, but this week, we had a double Slam Main Attraction with revved up tag team action.
Let's move right into our results and reactions, and find out what you may have missed if you slept in, or you know, did something else other than watching this week's show.
- First, we found out we would receive two individual matches with a promo package on the backgrounds of Team Hell No-The Tag Team Champions and 3MB and just how they came to be.
- Next up, we have Bryan and Kane with Natalya for their pre-match interview. One word: MONEY. As usual, joking around, the exchanges were fun to watch. Daniel to Kane, "You okay big guy? I can never tell when you are serious or joking... you get enough sleep?" Kane replies, "I don't sleep." D-Bry and Natalya looking terrified, great stuff.
- Then for the first time I have heard them do it, they tell her together, "WE are the Tag Team Champions!" Uniting against the Shield has made them a cohesive team now. Bryan says he will be watching Kane and cheering him on, then asks Kane, "Will you cheer me on?" Kane replies, "Maybe." D-Bry, "MAYBE?!! MAYBE?!! What else you got to do on a Saturday morning?!!!" Kane simply replies with a shrug and says, "I dunno, scare people, create havoc, the usual". Like I said, money.
- 3MB comes out and somehow manages to act like doing their air guitar bit together in ring is the funnest time of their lives... gotta hand it to them for selling that like it is fresh to them every show. I know I would have a hard time selling it without feeling like a fool.
- First match was Kane vs Jinder Mahal. Let me just say, Booker T sucks on commentary, that's right, I said it, WHAT? The truth hurts. Bryan comes out to the ring just to be sure 3MB doesn't interfere with Kane's match and even has the ref eject Slater and McIntyre from ringside. Meanwhile Kane quickly squashes Mahal.
- We get our weekly dose of "don't do this at home, or school, or anywhere warning" for the kids. This week it is from D-Bry, and I have to say he was looking so lovable, truly a good guy I would welcome into my home and around my kid, just saying.
- Bryan vs Heath Slater is next. Commentary consists of talk of Bryan, "he is a sparkler... he can go... he's definitely a sparkler..." umm, okay. "he's a Submission Expert... he can do it all... he doesn't lose focus... he keeps his eye on his opposition..." wow, I love Bryan, but wow, I could do that job.
- Meanwhile, Slater is tuning up the air guitar, letting Bryan get the ankle and then proceed to do his own version of an air guitar over him. Bryan gets Slater in the surfboard and rides him, then gets him in an armlock from behind, runs the ropes to a lateral press, shoulders down and Slater kicks out on two. Oooh he then runs at Slater and flys over the ropes only to land hard on the outside of the ring right by Mahal and McIntyre! But, Kane comes over and scares them off while Bryan lies injured on the outside of the ring. (commercial break - see, commentary can't be that hard guys)
- When we return, Slater has D-Bry in a lock but quickly Bryan has him in a back slide, Slater appears mad at the ref for missing a call, meanwhile Bryan acts hurt, Slater then doing his air guitar over him again and hits him in the ribs, they are up and he slams him into the ropes and on the ground, he goes for a cover and Bryan gets out, Slater now has him plied backwards by the arms... (Booker T at this point is talking about goat face again, please let this die. Man, I miss Santino this morning, he could actually make me tolerate goat jokes)
- Bryan has Slater in a leg lock, then Slater moves Bryan into a body scissors. Meanwhile, Kane and Slater are yelling at each other, and Bryan starts yelling his signature, "no, nO, NO! NO!" while showing anguish on his face and working so hard to get free and pry Slaters legs apart, like it takes super-human strength -- Slater lazily lays there and lets his legs split by accident, thus, ruining Bryan's spectacular selling.
- Bryan on the ropes now and knocks him down, they are back up and with a war cry of No-No-No Bryan issues a massive flying drop-kick from across the ring! Covers him, but Slater is out on 2, barely kicked out though, we have a roundhouse, Bryan knocks Mahal from hanging over the ropes. Kane gets McIntyre off the ropes simultaneously. But Slater uses the distraction ringside to get Bryan. But Bryan is ready and twists his arm, gets him down, locks in the No Lock and Slater quickly taps and that is it.
- The best part, Kane brings D-Bry his belt, they hold hands in the middle of the ring, raise em up high and proud together and shout, "WE ARE THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!" to a nuclear heat style pop from the crowd. Best moment ever. Made that annoying back-and-forth of I am the Tag Team Champions for ever and ever and ever, actually pay off for me. Well worth it.
- Post-match interview with Natalya features Damien Sandow. He informs us he has been a post meridian superstar, but is willing to perform anti meridian this time, and he is going to clean up the rubbish on Saturday mornings, and anyone owning a Television ought to be embarrassed of it... says he has a spelling lesson, but is interrupted by Orton. Orton says he has a spelling lesson for him, "R. K. O., I can teach you what that spells in the ring next week" and leaves, Sandow counters with, "It doesn't spell anything." But he manages to look shaken. Observation: Orton looked rough as hell. Hangover? Too early on a Saturday morning? Still not
wellnessedwell? Dunno, but he looked bad.
(cut, and we are out)
This was my first outing watching the Slam on my TV, usually I stream it to avoid the commercials, think I will go back to that, interrupting the twenty minutes of airtime with commercial blocks cuts into my enjoyment. I continue to dig the Saturday morning wrestling with fun segments and lighthearted commentary more than most of the current programming, even if just for the ridiculousness of it all and the fun the folks involved appear to be having.
But Santino needs to be a permanent fixture on commentary for the kids, and for me.
"A" grade this week for Saturday Morning Slam. No plus (+) on the grade, because Slater, Mahal and McIntyre just didn't appeal to me, D-Bry made Slater look better than he deserves to and Booker T just plain needs to go.
How did you Cagesiders grade it? Am I being too kind here, too harsh?
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