Chyna: Queen of The Ring Review (Warning: Strong Language)


Editor's Note from The General: This is meant to be fun, so just have fun with it. Nothing too serious.

There comes a time in a man’s life where he wonders what the future holds for him, spending countless hours thinking about the possibilities. The mind explores countless scenarios in which the person can either be successful or just crash and burn.

I’m not one of these men; I know my life is ruined enough that I would watch what I’m reviewing right now.

Chyna: Queen Of The Ring.

We start off with Chyna in the locker room getting ready for either a dinner party or the 2 p.m. shift at a local strip club. In comes the porn versions of both Vince and Stephanie Mcmahon.

And we're off ...

Apparently, she is getting ready to appear in FUCKLEMANIA, in a Jizzapalooza Match. Chyna then goes on a terribly acted hissy fit about how Stephanie stole her man. Then she invited them both to "suck it" and obviously, they obliged.

*Porn Music* (No, fake Steph and fake Vince don’t touch each other. You sick, sick people.)

Next up it’s time for the JIZAPALOOZA MATCH!!!!

Presented by Gene Oakerfunk.

With familiar names such as Bret Hart without a singlet, cape twirling Iron Sheik, fat and balding The Rock, child molester look-a-like Stone Cold, random clown, a John Cena stunt double and you guessed it, THE GAME, HHH.

I’m kinda ashamed to admit this, but during the terribly hokey entrances there were some lines that made me crack up from the announcer like these:

At Bret Hart: "Trained by his father Stu Hart, who also has...A MASSIVE COCK!"

The Rock: "I smell lalalalalalalalala… PUSSY!"

At John Cena: "Nice pajamas, he really thinks he’s in the military."

But enough about that. Chyna then makes her entrance and proceeds to the porn scene and in case you are wondering (and I know you are) even Mean Gene gets a piece.

*Porn Music*

We then move to the backstage where Ron Jeremy bangs Chyna and the announcer. BUUUUUUT in between that come the main event participants.

HULK HOGAN VS. RIC FLAIR (Both wearing stripper high heels for some reason)

They get in the ring and run the ropes for what seems like 594 hours until Chyna runs in and apparently can’t even get into that fake hokey ring. It gets edited to where everyone is naked again.

*Porn Music* (Yes, Hogan does get himself over in classic Hogan fashion.)

There you have it. The reason why I, apparently, am a sick individual. Some of the lines were genuinely funny for someone with an immature sense of humor like mine.

On a serious note: That speaking part in the beginning with fake Vince and Steph is so sad when you know after all these years she has not let go of that situation. Hopefully she is happy with what she’s doing now because when it comes to a WWE return, she's got ...

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