WWE Monday Night Raw comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (July 23, 2012) from the Scottrade Center in St. Louis, Missouri, and features the historic 1,000th episode of the show and the start of the permanent switch to three hours.
The line up is as loaded as it could possibly be, with a ton of returns from major superstars and a pay-per-view (PPV) caliber main event.
D-Generation X is scheduled to kick off the show for some good old fashioned old man hijinks. Brock Lesnar is also set to return, as he'll answer Triple H's challenge for a match at SummerSlam.
John Cena vs. CM Punk for the WWE championship is the main event of the evening, as Cena announced last week his intentions to cash in the Money in the Bank briefcase he won on July 15 in a ladder match in Phoenix. The Rock is expected to get his own segment but he could be involved here as well.
And don't forget about Daniel Bryan and AJ getting married. A wedding on Raw! Celebration!
All that and much, much more.
Raw starts at 8 p.m. ET on USA, so be sure to make your way back here to chat with all your favorite Cagesiders during the show. It's always a fun time. Raw live blog after the jump.
WWE RAW RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG JULY 23
Geno here.
Broadcast is live.
Here we go with the big one. That's not what she said. Not to me, at least.
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They debut a new opening. No longer do they have the "Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event tonight" lead in.
It ends with the WWE logo that says "WWE Now. WWE Forever."
Tonight is the Night brings us in with clips from the first 999 episodes. Man, I'm jacked for this one, Cagesiders. Hopefully this night lives up to the hype.
That was a four minute video that got me going big time.
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We won't start the show with D-Generation X as promised. Instead we get Vince McMahon. The new set looks awesome, by the way. They've also got new graphics that look more ... uh, futuristic, I guess. That's not a bad thing.
The crowd is cheering Vince and he starts by saying, "WOW. 1,000 EPISODES!"
He thanks the fans and they start a "Thank you, Vince" chant right back at him.
"I would also like to say -- welcome to Monday Night Raw. And please welcome, D-Generation X."
Are you ready?
DX comes out to a huge pop. Only Triple H and Shawn Michaels come out so far. HBK grabs a microphone before they do the crotch chops. So they never end up actually doing them before the lights go up.
Michaels talks first. He says he's feeling this but he feels like he's missing something. Triple H agrees that something is, indeed, missing.
What could it be?
"Hold on a second," Trips says. "Didn't there used to be more of us?"
God, this is awesome.
The music hits again and here come the New Age Outlaws with X-Pac. They're in a jeep and absolutely loving this. Once they hit the ring, they all do the crotch chops to the fireworks.
Road Dogg does his intro and self beeps the word "ass" when he gets to Billy Gunn's name.
Triple H does the "let's get ready to suck it line" and we finally appear to be done. Gunn grabs a mic, as well as Michaels. They both meet up and fight over who says the "If you're not down with that, we've got just two words for ya."
They start in with the bad jokes about Michaels doing PlayGirl because he needed the money.
Just as they're getting ready to do it together, Damien Sandow's music hits. I can't believe they're giving him this spot. He'll probably get smashed and squashed but whatever.
Triple H starts calling him something about a towel and Michaels cuts him off. Thank god that sentence didn't finish.
Sandow hits the ring and says he understands they could take him out easily but if they do so, he won't be a victim, he'll be a martyr, a martyr for anyone who appreciates a sophisticated mind.
Triple H says they need to discuss it as a group and they huddle up. Once they break the huddle, Sandow takes the Sweet Chin Music, then the Pedigree.
And then my TV freezes. When it comes back, Sandow is getting tossed from the ring as DX's music plays.
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Hey, it's Jim Ross. And he's rocking a goatee strong!
Michael Cole puts him over this time and says Ross will be joining them on commentary for tonight. I hope that means for the rest of the show.
And now we get a six man tag team match. Of course. Fit 'em in how you can.
Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara and Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio -- We miss the opening of the match thanks to a commercial break and WWE needing to keep this thing rolling.
Ziggler tags in Jericho, who is growing his hair out and looks far less goofy than normal. Cole starts pushing Tout. Sin Cara is the babyface in there getting beat up by the heels, who are taking turns tagging in and out. Ross calls Cara "quicker than a hiccup."
Sin Cara finally comes back on a swinging DDT on Del Rio. Hot tag to Sheamus, who comes in and runs through Jericho. He hits a backbreaker and goes for a pin but the action breaks down in the ring with everyone running in. This leads to mayhem and everyone out except Sheamus and Jericho, the legal men.
Ziggler pops up and hits a cheap shot on Jericho. Sheamus sends Ziggler flying and now the world heavyweight champion measures up for the Brouge Kick. It hits.
Three taps of the mat and the babyfaces go over.
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Hey, look, it's Charlie Sheen via Skype. He says the show so far is epic and unbelievable. He thinks he would fit in good with D-Generation X and he also thinks it would be great to party with Sheamus.
Cole says they'll check in with Sheen every now and again throughout the show. I guess that's what will take the place of him tweeting, which he was supposed to do as the official social media ambassador of Raw 1,000.
So, yeah.
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Video replay showing Daniel Bryan proposing to AJ.
Cut backstage and AJ is talking to Layla about how amazing this wedding will be. Layla asks if she's sure she wants to go through with this.
AJ wonders why everyone says that. She also wants to know why everyone calls her mentally unstable. She tells Layla to just look outside to see how unstable everyone around this place is.
She opens the door and Jim Duggan is yelling "HOOOOOOOO" at someone with his 2x4.
Then Roddy Piper and R-Truth walk by trying to jump rope with Little Jimmy.
Finally, Mae Young shows up with her son ... THE HAND SHE GAVE BIRTH TO IN THE 90S!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID IT!!
YES! YES! YES!
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They work in some product placement by having a Sonic car hop ride out to ringside from through the crowd to deliver a drink to Jerry Lawler. They're sure to get the whole thing on camera.
That's some good sponsorship.
Jack Swagger vs. Brodus Clay -- All told, I find it surprising The Funkasaurus is getting a match on this show. Sure, it's probably going to be short but with everything they've likely got to fit in, this just doesn't feel like it's in the right spot here.
Clay is wearing an offensive singlet. It's an American flag. He grabs a mic and tells the fans to put their hands together for Dude Love.
HA!
Foley gets the smallest pop of any returning star ever.
Swagger rushes Clay, gets knocked away, Clay hits the splash and gets the pin.
Yeah.
Dude Love gets in the ring to dance with Clay. He busts out the sock and Swagger gets to eat the Mandible Claw.
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Triple H is backstage talking to Trish Stratus. She's trying to teach him yoga. It's not going so well.
He bends down and she gets behind him and pushes. The rest of D-Generation X shows up and makes a bunch of jokes about the back door.
X-Pac sticks around to hit on Trish. She acts uncomfortable. Pac sounded rough.
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Wedding time!!!!!
The reverend for this ceremony will be Slick. He's barely recognizable. The crowd couldn't care less about him either.
Daniel Bryan out to a big pop while AJ hits the ring wearing her wedding dress and looking absolutely stunning.
This is awesome.
Slick is going off with a big speech about marriage. AJ finally tells him to calm down and get on with it. So Slick asks if there is anyone who wants to break this thing up, speak now or forever hold their peace.
No one comes out and the crowd simply chants "No."
Slick hands Bryan the ring. He tells AJ he loves her and he always has. He slides the ring on her finger. She smiles, all giddy.
Slick asks if Bryan takes AJ. He says, "Yes."
Slick asks if AJ takes Bryan. She says, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
He starts to finish and marry them officially. AJ stops him. She says she wasn't saying yes to Daniel, she was saying yes to someone else.
She gives him a demonic smile and says there's another man. Another man who made a proposal to her earlier tonight.
VINCE MCMAHON!
What is this?
Vince says it's not that kind of a proposal. It's a business proposal. In the interest of making Raw 1,001 as great as it can be, he wants to introduce us to the new General Manager of Monday Night Raw.
Then he points to the entrance before abruptly turning around and saying it's AJ!
HOLY HELL.
She slams her bouquet in his chest and then skips around him before laughing and leaving the ring.
Bryan just stands there shocked. Then he rips up the bouquet and AJ stops at the top of the ramp to do the "YES" chant while Bryan shouts "NO" in the ring. Then he starts destroying the wedding set up.
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Coming back from break, Bryan is still in the ring. He's shouting "NO" at a bunch of referees. Jerry Lawler tells us Bryan said he's not leaving the ring and there's no one in the building who can make him.
CM Punk's music hits and I guess he's the guy tasked with getting Bryan out of there.
Punk says he's not here to kick him while he's down but that's exactly what he's going to do. Punk basically just repeats everything that happened and calls Bryan out for throwing a fit and a tantrum. He can continue to do so but Punk is going to continue to be the WWE champion and the best in the world.
Bryan responds by saying Punk isn't even the best in the ring tonight. He says not only is he better than Punk, he's the greatest of all time.
The Rock's music hits and here comes "The Great One" himself.
He doesn't look as huge as he has in recent times.
He starts by telling Bryan he doesn't get to say who the greatest of all time is. The fans get to say that.
So, of course, they chant for Rocky.
The Rock starts talking and Bryan cuts him off. "I don't know who you think you ar..."
Now Rock cuts him off. "You don't just cut the Rock off like that. No, no, you don't cut The Rock off like that."
A Boots 2 Asses chant breaks out.
Rock dismisses Bryan and says he's not here to talk to "Frodo." No, he's here to talk about the WWE championship. He says he just got word that whoever the WWE champion is at the Royal Rumble, they will go one-on-one with "The Great One."
Not a huge crowd reaction to that.
Punk says he'll fill in the blank that Punk will be WWE champion at that time, which is entirely possible. He says he'll beat John Cena tonight -- and that gets some boos -- and Punk would love to have a match against Rock.
Rock again says he'll be WWE champion at the Rumble.
Bryan comes back into the picture and says this is supposed to be about him. This was supposed to be the greatest night of his life. He turns to Rock and says someway, somehow, he's going to fight Bryan for the belt. And not only will he be champion, he'll be the face of the WWE.
Rock says the face we're looking at is what would happen if a homeless lumberjack banged an oompa lumpa. He then starts singing and calling Bryan a troll from Lord of the Rings.
Then he says he got Bryan a wedding gift and hits him with the Rock Bottom.
Off he goes with Punk looking on.
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Justin Roberts announces a guest ring announcer and it's Bret "The Hitman" Hart.
He says one of the best moments of his career was when he won the Intercontinental championship from one of the greatest superstars who ever lived, Mr. Perfect.
He's introducing the IC title match.
Christian vs. The Miz -- They barely get rolling before a commercial breaks up the action. Miz in control coming back from break but Christian makes a quick comeback with all the usual spots. Miz comes back by reversing a roll up into a kick to the head.
The announcers are putting over Christian selling a knee injury. He calls for the crowd to get into it and sets up for the spear. When he gets there, Miz hits him with the DDT and gets a two count on it.
Christian looks for the Kill Switch. Miz counters and they go back and forth with counters. Miz sends Christian over and Christian lands on his knee and acts like he's hurt. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale and that gets the pin.
The Miz is the new Intercontinental champion.
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Another cut in from Charlie Sheen. He called Bryan an oompa lumpa and said he's looking forward to The Rock at the Royal Rumble next year.
Yippee.
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Triple H is back out to once again issue his Summerslam challenge to Brock Lesnar. He's still wearing his DX gear but he came out to his usual theme song and this time looks super serious.
"Y'all having a good time. Great. Well, I've had my fun so now it's time to pick up the intensity a bit. Brock Lesnar, I know you're here. I called you out. Brock Lesnar, I want to fight. I want to fight you at Summerslam and I want an answer and I want it now."
Here he comes.
Actually, here comes Paul Heyman. Cole quickly reminds everyone that Lesnar is, in fact, in the building. Heyman has a mic in hand. Triple H says he came out here to talk to the horse's head, not the horse's ass.
Heyman says Brock is here tonight and he authorized Heyman to answer Triple H's request for a match at Summerslam. The answer is no.
Triple H threatens to go find Lesnar himself if he doesn't want to come out. Heyman makes fun of "The Game's" status as COO and a business man instead of a wrestler. Trips starts in on calling Lesnar a coward and a little bully.
Heyman asks Triple H if he's a child, seeing as he busted out the name-calling. Is that what he teaches his kids?
Trips gets pissed off and tells Heyman not to be talking about his kids. Heyman says he's right and he's sorry. But he really just feels sorry for the kids. The sins of the father and all that.
Cue Stephanie McMahon's music. She comes out looking pissed.
"Let me tell you one thing, Heyman; you do not ever speak of my children, ever again."
Stephanie continues on and starts calling out Heyman for his failures at WCW, ECW and WWE. That's what the lawsuits are really about. He doesn't measure up and that's what he's pissed about.
She continues by saying Heyman's children are ashamed of him because their father is nothing more than a professional parasite. Then she slaps the shit out of him.
He goes to leave the ring but then stops and comes back in. "Is this what you want? You want to see Brock Lesnar end your husband's career? YOU GOT IT!!!"
Heyman stops himself and applauds Stephanie for always getting what she wants. He brings up her kids again and she straight up attacks him.
Lesnar's music hits and he comes rolling in and starts taking it to Triple H just as Stephanie gets out of the ring. They go back and forth with the crowd really hot for Trips.
Triple H ends up sending Lesnar out of the ring with a clothesline over the top rope. Brock looks jacked.
They take their shirts off while staring each other down. It's on.
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They show video of WWE '13 with the fans voting on what match-up they would like to see most, which was won by Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. John Cena.
That bleeds into a highlight package of the greatest rivalry in Monday Night Raw history, Austin vs. Vince McMahon.
They go to commercial, so if "The Rattlesnake" is here, he won't be around until later. It wouldn't be right for him not to show up but whatever.
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Santino Marella and Hornswoggle come out with their hands full. They've got a new line of toys from Mattel called "Brawling Buddies." I think they're just giving them away. Yep, that's what they're doing.
Now we get another special guest ring announcer. It's Howard Finkel.
"I hope he doesn't cry," says Cole.
Ugh.
Heath Slater! The One Man Band is here, folks.
He says everything that's been happening to him on Raw is in the past. None of it will matter when he wins tonight. He's challenging any legend to a no disqualification, no countout match.
HA.
Lita's music hits and she comes out looking pretty damn good.
Slater smiles and calls her sweetheart. "You think you can beat me? Okay, I accept your challenge." Slater tells the "bellman" to ring the bell.
Lita says she hired herself some protection for this match. The APA comes out and Slater tries to run up the ramp. When he gets there, Road Warrior Animal's music plays and the entire group of legends that beat up Slater in recent weeks come out to send him back into the ring.
Lita hits the Twist of Fate before Bradshaw hits the Clothesline from Hell. Lawler says that may have been the best one ever and I think he's right.
Lita hits a Moonsault and picks up the pin.
The legends get in the ring and Lita's music plays. Then it stops because Ron Simmons has a live mic.
"DAMN!"
AWESOME.
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Backstage interview -- conducted by Sean Mooney -- with Daniel Bryan. "This hasn't been a good night for you, has it?"
No. It has not. First, he was broken up with by AJ and left at the alter, then he was assaulted by The Rock, then he was insulted by Charlie Sheen of all people.
He said if Sheen was there, he would have slapped the YES Lock on him.
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They interview some guy named Alex Guerrero Jr. The reason for this? This guy is apparently the 100,000,000th social media follower of WWE.
Wow. This is what it takes now, folks.
The segment ends without being too terribly painful. The guy wasn't terrible on television.
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Backstage and Zack Ryder is talking to John Cena. Ryder says he's figured out that Gene Okerlund, who is right there, is the guy responsible for GTV.
Everyone acts baffled and Ryder and Okerlund leave once The Rock shows up. He says he just wants to wish Cena good luck tonight.
Cena says he's cashing in his Money in the Bank contract because he hopes to get another shot at going one-on-one with "The Great One."
Good promotion for the main event, which is almost here.
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Kane comes out. Before he can get to his pyro bit, Jinder Mahal's music hits and he comes out with Curt Hawkins, Tyler Reks, Hunico and Camacho.
Mahal says none of these guys ever get opportunities, so tonight they are going to make their own. They surround the ring but before they can attack ....
GONG!
Undertaker shows up and comes out wearing his super shredder uniform.
'Taker hits the ring and glares at Kane. The jobbers all stand on the outside and plot and plan. Then they hit the ring to battle it out and "The Brothers of Destruction" start taking them all out easy.
The crowd is absolutely dead until Hawkins and Hunico eat a double choke slam. They then simultaneously do a throat slash and the jobbers both get tombstoned.
The crowd chants "this is awesome."
Kane and 'Taker clear the ring and then just stand there. I'm guessing they're waiting for something. Doesn't look like it. Instead, Undertaker does his tongue out, kneel down schtick and Kane does the pyro from the corners.
I suppose that was the safest way to bring 'Taker back and give him something to do for the show. Feels like a bit of a waste of time, though.
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Charlie Sheen is back to talk and he plays up a potential feud with Daniel Bryan.
He says Bryan is wearing a fake beard and he'll shave it off and that will reveal the word "losing" underneath.
He then calls Bryan "goat face."
Oh, Charlie.
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Finally, it's main event time.
CM Punk vs. John Cena -- Before the match gets started, they show the results of a poll that asked who the fans wanted to see The Rock challenge for the WWE title at Royal Rumble next year. The options were Punk, Cena or Big Show.
Punk won 55-percent of the vote to 35-percent for Cena. The rest went to Show, whoever those depraved souls are.
And now we get yet another commercial break. It's going to be 11 p.m. ET before the main event even begins.
They come back right at the top of the hour, so I'm guessing that was planned. The dueling chants start immediately. Cole tells us Punk will tie the 1991 Hulk Hogan title reign and the 1994 Bret Hart title reign for the longest of all time.
And with Triple H's reported want to make title reigns last longer so they're more important, that makes me think Punk goes over here.
Cena hits a few shoulder blocks but Punk hits a backslide that gets two. They circle each other and do the "I'm acting weary of engaging because of how much I respect your skills" thing.
Cena works an abdominal stretch for a much needed rest spot.
Oh, wait.
Cena breaks out and again they knock each other down and stare at each other.
Really, this is a terrible match so far. Punk hits a forearm to the back before some chops to the chest. Cena returns the favor, delivering what appear to be a few potatos. Now he works a head lock because this match really needed another rest spot.
Punk gets out with a back suplex. Picks Cena up and hits a backbreaker that gets two. Now he works another rest hold, a reverse chin lock.
This is a steaming pile of shit, folks.
Cena powers out using brute strength and they start exchanging punches for the crowd to do the "BOO" vs "YAY" spot. Punk gets the "YAYs," of course.
Here comes Cena with the five moves of doom. He doesn't get through it, though, with Punk reversing and working his five moves of doom. He doesn't get through his either, getting reversed on the bulldog from the corner.
Punk pokes him in the eye just before Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.
Now he calls for the GTS. It doesn't work, of course.
Cena shoves Punk into the referee, who bumps out of the ring. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment and covers but there's no ref to count the pinfall.
Here comes Big Show running down while Cena checks on the referee. Cena gets back in the ring and Show hits Cena with a spear. He waits for Cena to get back up so he can hit the WMD. Punk, meanwhile, just sits in the corner.
Show hits the WMD and then takes off.
Punk looks on before going out to grab the referee. I'm hearing "TNA" chants. Punk goes really slow getting the referee back in. He looks upset about having to pin Cena this way.
Except when he finally decides to go for the pin, Cena kicks out.
"The conflict may have cost Punk there," Cole says.
May have?
Punk picks Cena up and looks for the GTS. Cena reverses right at the end of it into the STF. Punk teases tapping and Show comes running back in to nail Cena and cause the disqualification.
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Show starts just beating the shit out of Cena and Punk looks on without doing anything. For some reason, The Rock comes out and takes out Show, hitting the spinebuster and then going for the People's Elbow.
But right as soon as he comes off the ropes, Punk hits a flying clothesline.
Punk stares down at his hands.
Rock gets back up and Punk hits the GTS on him.
Everything is like slo-mo now. Punk takes a long time to leave the ring. He's getting some cheers but I'm also hearing some boos. Heel turn?
"You could say the WWE Universe is turning on CM Punk but I think CM Punk has turned on the WWE Universe," Lawler remarks.
So, yeah, heel turn.
Fade to black.