clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Cageside Fave Five: Slimy, scaly or hairy, these are WWE's best critters


And no, I don't mean one half of The Road Warriors and I don't mean George Steele. I don't even mean Dave Batista.

But that does get me thinking. Why didn't WWE ever book Batista against Steele? I mean, the feud practically writes itself and would have put the "Freakin' Deacon" over more than Triple H could ever hope to do.

While I fantasy book that match, take a look at some of my favorite four legged, feathered and slithering friends who have graced the squared circle.

Full non-human list after the jump.

5. The Boogeyman's worms


Dude, WTF? When The Boogeyman debuted, I thought he was hokey but performer Marty Wright threw himself into the role so much I couldn't help but enjoy myself when he came herky-jerking down the aisle and smashing an alarm clock over his head. By the way, what was the significance of that? I guess since he's The Boogeyman and he would come out while you're sleeping so destroying the alarm clock would also prevent you from waking up? Anyway, a huge part of the character was eating worms. Like, real life put them on a hook and snag you some catfish worms. Turns out shoving a handful of worms into your mouth night after night isn't good for your digestive tract as I heard ol' Boogey suffered from a bad case of the BGs as a result.

4. Ricky Steamboat's "dragon"


As a kid, I missed the moment immortalized in the photo above so the first time I saw Ricky Steamboat carrying around what looked like a baby alligator, I was a bit confused. The perennial babyface was feuding with Jake "The Snake" Roberts and to match up with Roberts' python -- more on that later -- Steamboat busted out a komodo dragon, likely because Bruce Leeroy wasn't available to corner Steamboat. Anyone who gets that reference is my new best friend. Steamboat eventually ditched the lizard and started bringing a baby to the ring which is actually kind of apt.

3. Frankie


The Bird Man! If you were a little kid growing up watching WWF and you weren't a fan of Koko B. Ware and his parrot friend, Frankie, you probably lit stuff on fire and dissected cats. There was just something wrong with you, is all. At the time, I didn't realize they kept the macaw wings trimmed to keep him from flying away, I just assumed the friendship he held with Ware was enough to keep him perched on his shoulder. Also, I learned that the average lifespan for a macaw is 30 to 50 years which means Frankie might still be alive. But like so many others in the wrestling biz, he probably died long before his time.

2. Matilda


Unlike macaw parrots, English bulldogs are inbred to the point of retardation and won't live more than a decade so Matilda is for sure dead and buried. But wasn't she soooooo cute?! Dynamite Kid and Davey Boy Smith -- and later just Smith -- collectively known as The British Bulldogs would come to the ring with the most adorable little pup, and English bulldog named Matilda. She would often chase off the likes of Bobby Heenan but honestly, what was "The Brain" worried about? Being slobbered on and licked? Sure, the bulldog looks sort of mean but they're all sweethearts. Especially the ones that skateboard.

1. Damien/Lucifer/Revelation


I wouldn't say I'm terrified of snakes but I'm not exactly Joe Cucumber around them either. That can be chalked up to the emotional manipulation at the hands of Vince McMahon and WWE. Whenever Jake Roberts can a rulebreaker, snakes were terrifying and deadly. Whenever he was a fan favorite, they were our slimy friends who helped us strike fear in the heart of evildoers! I couldn't figure it out and I still can't. I hated -- HATED -- Damien at first but Roberts became a good guy and when Earthquake squashed the serpent, I felt bad. In fact, I can probably trace my veganism back to that exact moment. And then I lost my mind when Damien's big brother, Lucifer, showed up. I LOVED Lucifer. What the what?! Oh, and there was Revelation but no one really cares about him.

What say you, Cagesiders? Any animal kingdom pals you want to give a shout out to?

Sign up for the newsletter Sign up for the Cageside Seats Daily Roundup newsletter!

A daily roundup of all your pro wrestling news from Cageside Seats