[As "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath starts up, The Dirt Sheet opens to an empty desk. It is completely bare, there is a monitor in the background and the opening music continues until Ozzy and the band hit the second chorus. Abruptly, a huge shadow looms over the desk until it all goes dark, a gigantic crash is heard and when light is let back into the picture, the desk is in splinters and a large axe has penetrated the center of it. Ozzy continues until Harold Murphy walks onto the set with a look of horror on his face.]
Murphy: What the hell is going on here!? I step out to go to the bathroom before we go live here and I come back to... This is complete insanity... wha?! Who the hell are you?
[A man walks into the shot smiling, he's 5'6 and 169 pounds of extravagant suit and well manicured and coiffed hair. He grabs the axe with ease and hoists it over his shoulder.]
Man: Murph, I heard you were having a little issue with your broadcast partner showing up on this show so I have taken it upon myself to join you. I do apologize for the mess, my partner is always swinging this thing around creating a fuss everywhere he goes. I'm lucky he's not taken anyone's head off. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Congregation, I am Norville "The Axe" Titan and I will be joining you today on this episode of the Dirt Sheet.
Murphy: Who in the hell do you think you are? Barging in on this show, wrecking the set, genuinely ruining the opening of my show. I have been going it solo for a while now and I don't think I will be needing your help.
The Axe: Murph, you don't know what you need little man. It is in your best interest to do your job and I'll do mine. Jack and I have an understanding and you really don't want the big man coming back in here again do you? He might accidently swing this here axe of his again and knock you into next century. If you don't mind, I think it's high time we get to the commentatin' here and on with the show.
[Murphy is shaken but he adjusts his black and white suit jacket, hoists his briefcase up, looks for a place to put it and then sets it back to the floor.]
Murphy: It looks like the Dirt Sheet will begin much like we saw Wednesday Night Revival end, in complete and utter chaos. First we had the attack of Abernathy, followed up by the announcement from Commissioner Dobbs the Signature Brand is a legal move and complete chaos in the Iron Man title match where Jackson was leveled by The Alpha Brain with a chair, repeatedly and lastly, Cobain was put into the hospital by Wolfe and MNG.
The Axe: Hahahaha, you call that chaos. The end is just beginning. The End of the World is coming and if you thought this federation was out of control last night, just you wait. I don't care much for this Abernathy fella but there is a HUGE surprise still to come. The future is then but right now, it looks like we have a video of the aforementioned Cobain. I think we have some footage from Brandy...
Check out the full Dirt Sheet right freakin' here!