Welcome to another edition of "Slapstick Saturday," Cagesiders, where your old pal Hulk Holland pokes fun at every botch, blooper and bomb the world of professional wrestling has ever given us.
This week, we're asking for I.D.
That's because we don't always know who's coming down the entrance ramp. When I graduated college (back when diplomas were etched into a stone tablet), they called my name for me to come up, claim my prize and participate in the obligatory handshake.
Piece of cake, right?
I mean c'mon, we're talking about Jesse Holland. HOLLAND. It's as easy as they get. There's a fucking country with the same name. And I went to school in Philadelphia, an hour from the HOLLAND tunnel. Hell, even the Brits should be able to rattle it off thanks to Jools HOLLAND.
Not on this day.
"Temple University recognizes Jesse ... uh ... Jesse ... Hoe-land?" (turns to indiscernible faculty member) "Is it hoe-land?" He replies, "Uh, I think that's HOLLAND."
Well, at least my
fans family knew who I was. Just like fans of WWE know who their favorite Superstar is when the music hits and the corresponding wrestler breaks through the curtain. Hey, look! It's Santino Marella! But then who the hell is that on the screen?
Alberto del Rio?
But I guess the Italian funnyman is a fan of biblical proverbs, like "do unto others as they would do unto you." That explains why Cody Rhodes was doing a double take when his Titantron flashed his opponent while playing his theme song.
Too bad it wasn't his previous version titled "Smoke & Mirrors."