Your old pal Hulk Holland is back with a special turkey-day meltdown, and instead of cutting a promo on (insert inane topic here), I'm giving thanks to the world of professional wrestling. After all, there's a lot to be thankful for, especially with eight hours of original programming each week (plus pay-per-views).
But I'm getting in the time machine for this one.
Thanksgiving is all about food and, according to the Charlie Brown special I grew up with, getting the shit kicked out of you by a folding deck chair. Fortunately, I've already locked my homicidal timber in the shed, so I can just worry about frying my turkey.
That's right bitches, fried.
It sure as hell beats Hillbilly Jim's turkey with collard greens. I swear to god, if someone puts a collard green on my plate during Thanksgiving dinner, I'm giving them Kin Corn Karn's Mongolian chop. I'm trying to eat like I'm going to the electric chair, not the heart doctor.
Yep, Hillbilly Jim was just one of an entire roster of pro wrestling superstars who lent their culinary talents to the Jim Ross-authored Can You Take the Heat? The WWF is Cooking! Published in 2000, I spent $26.00 to eat like my favorite wrestlers.
All the top stars were there, including The Rock, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, whose big contribution was Cinnamon flavored ice cream. Yep, the "Texas Rattlesnake," the "Toughest S.O.B." in the WWE was nothing more than an amalgamation of milk, eggs and sugar.
"This ice cream makes even Stone Cold smile," insists Ross.
I'll understand if you want that information stricken from the record. Thankfully, the book isn't all cutesy-cuisine, as The Acolytes have a terrific beer bread recipe that calls for three cups of self-rising flour, one tablespoon of sugar, one tablespoon of butter and a six-pack of beer.
Then do the following:
Preheat the over to 350 degrees
Mix flour and sugar in large bowl
Stir in one can of beer and press into 9x5 loaf pan
Bake for one hour
Drink the other five beers while you're waiting
Other Thanksgiving-related items in Double H's pantry are the Stone Cold Keg-a-que (Beer keg with a flaming skull that splits down the middle to become a makeshift grill) and of course, J.R.'s BBQ sauce. It's actually quite tasty, all things considered.
Here's the point.
I'm thankful for having pro wrestling in my life. True, I'm not the mark I used to be, but my enjoyment these days comes from watching my kid grow up with the same kind of wide-eyed wonderment I had every time someone inside the squared circle hit a spot, nailed a promo or won a pop. Grateful is as grateful does.
Enjoy your day, Cagesiders.