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Hulk Holland's Midweek Meltdown: The Frank Botch edition

Hulk Holland is back with another edition of the Meltdown. Find out why he's going through Hell to watch the Cell this Sunday while melting down the week that wasn't in professional wrestling and beyond.

Shhhhhh .... Hulk Holland has something to say.
Shhhhhh .... Hulk Holland has something to say.
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You know what sucks about having 15 minutes of fame? There's never enough time to enjoy it (just ask Brodus Clay).

Hopefully Ryback, who's the new toast of the town as World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) heads into this weekend's Hell in a Cell pay-per-view (PPV) event, can at least enjoy the ride, because I have a feeling it's going to be brief. Having said that, I'm sure he'll do just fine on Sunday when he challenges CM Punk for the WWE title.

It's the aftermath I'm concerned about.

Being able to execute a well-choreographed wrestling match in a main event doesn't make you a main eventer, any more than not stepping on your partner's toes makes you a good dancer. For me, a true headliner is a guy who can adapt to his subordinate as well as his equal.

And even his superior.

That's why Ryback, at least from a booking perspective, doesn't have a future on the big stage. You can fool the fans once (hell, I'm tuning in), but even if he's walking on the crutches of his peers, nobody is going to continue shelling out $50 per show to see one move of doom.

Especially when it's stop, botch and roll.

Too bad he didn't follow The Ultimate Warrior's path and first get a few tours out of the Intercontinental title. Not that I fault Ryback for being hot-shotted into the driver's seat, because losing John Cena, like a .002 dip in the RAW ratings, will compel Vince McMahon to do crazy things.

But I guess crazy is better than dumb.

Speaking of creative catastrophes, our own Greedo Mrosko brings word that Jack Swagger is being "repackaged" for another prominent role on TV. I'm pretty sure I heard something like that about Wade Barrett, too, who was recently given a fresh coat of paint and returned to the fans.

That's not repackaging, that's re-gifting.

The prize in this weekend's Sheamus vs. Big Show feud, contested for the former's world heavyweight title, will be an extended championship run from "The Great White," which I'm sure we're all really looking forward to. Doesn't matter, as the title is going to be handed off to Dolph Ziggler at some point in the near future.

I just wish they would (whoo!) hurry the hell up.

I'd also like to expedite the demise of Team Hell No. Perhaps I'm in the minority here, but this dynamic duo has run its course as division champs. I wouldn't mind seeing them continue to work off one another, but I think the magic behind this act is how fresh it's remained over the last few weeks, moving from anger management classes to a full-blown tag team.

Time for chapter three.

Hopefully they don't close the book on Alberto Del Rio anytime soon. As our cute and cuddly sidekick Nolan Howell brought up in his Main Event recap, the Mexican aristocrat shines when he's got the right chemistry and I happen to like his feud with Orton.

It's Randy's "I'll get to the barber one of these days" hairdo that I dislike.

We just passed the 500 word mark, Cagesiders, which means I've become an average episode of RAW as it creeps into hour number three. FINISH. IT. Stay tuned for more wild and wacky words in next week's meltdown as we sift through the hell from this weekend's cell.

Until then, read our weekly obituary column and feel better about yourself.

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