Hollywood Holland's midweek meltdown: The doppelganger edition

"We have met the enemy and (s)he is us."

This is the end of the line for Hollywood Holland, my dear Cagesiders. After this midweek meltdown, I will turn face and reemerge as Hulk Holland. Why? Because I can't be a badass heel when there is some dainty broad parading around town calling herself Double H.

And to add insult to injury, she even has her own website:

"Welcome to Hollywood Holland. I'm Holland Baxley, a small town Midwest native who always dreamed of moving to Hollywood. Three years ago, I packed my bags in my beat up car and headed west. My car ended up breaking down half way there, but that didn't stop me. When I finally arrived, learning the ropes to Hollywood was harder than I thought. I was a lost dreamer in a city of dreams."

I just got straight shoot-slapped by a gal who publishes articles titled "I have no butt" and "Vegan apricot & almond tea cookies." This is a dark day in the history of Cageside Seats, brothers, and my heat couldn't have been killed any quicker if 3MB came out and stomped on it.

I guess some things are better off dead.

That includes the Bangladesh bozo who tried to blow up the Federal Reserve in New York City on Wednesday. CBS News reports he was in possession of a "massive bomb." Police promptly apprehended the suspect and found him armed with a copy of the script from The Day by WWE Studios.

Not sure how that kid ever got that thing through Port Authority, especially in the "Empire State."

That's where the New York Yankees are clinging to life in the MLB playoffs. Okay, not exactly newsworthy 'round these parts, except Alex Rodriguez, aside from getting benched for being awful, was involved in a mini-scandal involving his beard girlfriend, ex-WWE diva Torrie Wilson.

Apparently "A-Rod" was swinging the wrong bat in the on-deck circle.

Another person who struck out this week was Ryback, but you can read that rant here. To be fair, after seeing what Vince McMahon has done over the last few weeks, "Big Hungry" is still a welcome change. I just wish WWE would stop focusing on old, brittle men who have no business performing when their best days are CLEARLY behind them.

But enough about the Rolling Stones.

The Hulk Hogan sex tape scandal gathered no moss this week after Bubba the Love Sponge came up with some ham-handed backstory about his camera and Clem. He could have buried the Hulkster, but instead went with facts and logic. Dammit man, this is Hogan, fight fire with fire!

Figures a guy named after a vaginal contraceptive would act like a pussy.

My lips are sealed when it comes to the WWE '13 video game, though I'll likely run it through the meltdown after I get my hands on it later this month. I will say I find it hilarious that Ryback is rated 87. That means he's equal to X-Pac -- and less than The Miz.

That's "awesome."