Tonight, apparently.
After Triple H revealed he would act as guest referee for SummerSlam's main event this Sunday (August 14), John Cena bested Jack Swagger and CM Punk defeated Alberto Del Rio throughout the course of the evening.
Finally, to close out RAW, we got the contract signing. You know, the ones where one guy talks and then the other guy talks and then they start fighting.
But much like he has been doing the past month, Punk immediately turned the segment on its head. He said doing that would be more of the same and like he has been saying, he's here to change the status quo.
What we got instead was one of the most entertaining segments in recent memory and a pitch perfect commercial for those on the fence on whether or not to buy Sunday's SummerSlam pay-per-view (PPV).
The answer is a big, fat, resounding yes.
More details after the jump.
CM Punk opened up with a video from none other than John Cena's WrestleMania 28 opponent The Rock. "The Great One" was on point (what else is new) and tore Cena to shreds. He mocked his sneakers, his outdated jorts, and his colorful wristbands.
Cena shot back with saying that he can do everything in his power but he'll never win over those who already hate him. With an eyesight fixed firmly on the internet wrestling community (IWC), he said he could "increase his workrate" or "embrace his heel persona" but those who despised his character wouldn't be swayed.
The co-WWE Champion then accused Punk of being a phony himself as he represented himself as the "voice of the voiceless" but demands movie roles, private jets, and ice cream bars with his face plastered on them. Triple H piped in at that point, saying that Punk couldn't even negotiate a contract man to man. He called on the phone like a coward.
The former ROH champion took offense to the insult and asked Triple H who handed out the pink slips in the company. Certainly not him, Punk said. It was John Laurinaitis who called up Vladimir Kozlov, DH Smith, and Chris Masters and let them know their services would no longer be needed in the 'E.
It's one thing for Punk to bring up instances and situations from years past but those three were fired last Friday. The wounds were fresh, so to speak.
And then the prodigal champ revealed why he hated Cena so much. He revealed that after he won his ECW Championship, the "Master of Thugonomics" came up to him the next day and said, "Good match. Congratulations, champ, I almost gave up on you."
That soured Punk on Cena and he's held a grudge ever since. It might seem petty but Punk said he felt as if he had to fight for everything, for every scrap -- like a hyena -- while Cena gets everything handed to him -- like a lion.
Not allowing the segment to be a one-man show, Cena came back with equally sharp barbs. Without a win on Sunday at SummerSlam, Punk would become a "loud mouth, one-hit wonder."
Better that than a phony, Punk retorted.
And that's when the signing became a little bit less civil.
Cena flung the table out of the way while Mrs. Baba's favorite gaijin kept the two separate. A kick to the back of Laurinaitis' head from Punk put a smile on the WWE Champion's face but Triple H was there to hold him off.
Cena lunged, knocking down both his SummerSlam opponent and the WWE COO. Punk left the ring while "The Game" shoved Cena back.
"Is the fix in?," Punk asked from the outside as they faded to black.
And that ladies and gentlemen is how you sell a PPV.
I was a bit worried that they were treading too deep into "smart mark" territory when Cena talked about workrates and heel personas but the rapping Superstar reeled it back nicely when he brought it back to the those fans who did support him.
That slight misstep aside, the segment was perfect. In the quest for ratings, it seems the WWE forgot that RAW and Smackdown should be used as commercials for their monthly PPVs.
Watching the two shows on USA and SyFy, respectively, costs me no money (yes, there's a cable bill each month but I'd be paying Time Warner anyway, wrestling or no wrestling). PPV's, however, put nearly $30 of my money in the WWE's pocket.
In summation: if you missed tonight's closing segment... ya done goofed.