The stars of Total Nonstop Action (TNA) returned to the Impact Zone in Orlando, FL last night as they gear up for Final Resolution. Last night and tonight represent the final two shows before the pay-per-view (PPV) airs on Dec. 11.
What can you expect to see?
Sting will make his return to confront newly crowned TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Roode, Austin Aries' big mouth gets him into hot water, and Robbie E defends his TV title against ECW legend Rob Van Dam.
In addition to all that, the new tag team champs Crimson and Matt Morgan also find out who they will be facing at Final Resolution when Ink Inc., Mexican America, and the team of Devon and D'Angelo Dinero square off in a three-way dance for number one contendership.
If you can't help but know what will happen this Thursday, this sneak peek into the future is courtesy of WrestlingObserver.com.
Full spoilers after the jump.
"The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero and Devon become the number one contenders to the tag team titles after the former Dudley Boy -- but hey ... once a Dudley, always a Dudley, am I right? -- pinned Ink Inc. member and food stamp collecter Jesse Neal with a spinebuster.Sting comes to the ring and calls out Bobby Roode. The champ obliges and Stinger is talking about how Roode is a jerkface meany-head and Roode is all, "Whatever, bro. Quit painting your face like dead guys." Sting said that there will be consequences for the way Roode has been acting.
A.J. Styles -- fresh from wrestling a gator -- makes his way to the ring and then Jeff Hardy shows up too because it just seemed like everyone was doing it and he wanted to be popular. A bolt of lightning then strikes Sting because he gets the great idea of putting the three of them in a non-title match for the main event.
Austin Aries inside the ring next and he is patting himself on the back for being awesome. Kid Kash comes out and reminds "A Double" that he was an X-Division champ while Aries was still working for that pervert in Philly (my words, not his but wouldn't it have been awesome if he said that??). Aries offers him a title shot at Final Resolution and they shake hands but you know those two boys. It always ends up in a fistfight.
Mickie James then beat ODB in a street fight. Not sure if they're any story behind this but it ends with a modified Van Daminator. A Van JAMinator. That's one free, TNA.
Speaking of "RVD," he lost to Robbie E and squandered his chance to hold what very well be the most important title -- no, THING -- in the entire world. Eric Young and Christopher Daniels each came out -- must EVERYTHING be overbooked to death?! -- and Daniels' nefarious actions allowed the TV champ to retain.
I shit you not, this is exactly how the spoilers read: "The Knockouts were in the back washing a car while wearing bikinis."
WTF??? What are they doing washing a car??? Aren't they employed as, y'know, wrestlers? Aren't they at their, I don't know, job? I don't know about you but I'm pretty sure Tara's resume reads "former TNA Knockouts champion, hottie boom bottie" and not "car washer extraordinaire."
Anyway, she and Angelina Love start jawing back and forth and pretty soon my fantasies as a 15-year old teenage male come to fruition and they all start fighting.
Again, this is what the spoilers read verbatim: "Some of the wrestlers watched the attack and tried to play peacekeeper."
And people wonder why no one gives a flying flip about women's wrestling in America. The entire thing ends when Gail Kim sprays them all like a hose ... y'know, like the bitches they are, am I right, Dixie??? YEAH!!!
But you know what? I haven't actually seen it. I'm sure it's all very tastefully done.
The main event ends with Roode pinning Hardy after Jeff Jarrett shoved "The Charismatic Enigma" off the top rope. Sting shows up and announced Jarrett and Hardy at the PPV in an escape only steel cage match. If Hardy wins, a title shot and all the mescaline his heart can handle are his reward. If Jarrett wins, Hardy is gone from TNA.
Sting also announced that he and Karen Jarrett will be handcuffed together during the match.
That's pretty kinky for a god-fearing bornagain but hey, to each their own.
Knockouts atrocity aside, it sounds like a decent -- albeit overbooked -- installment.
What do you guys think?