WWE Raw Supershow comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (Mon., Nov. 14, 2011) from Boston, Massachusetts, with a special live three-hour edition of the show.
Tonight marks the in-ring return of The Rock, who will actually be in the building, in the flesh and reportedly ready to rock faces, preferably John Cena's. We'll see how that plays out, though.
This is also the go-home show to Survivor Series, which takes place this Sunday, Nov. 20 from Madison Square Garden in New York. Expect the rest of the card to fill up and to get some good hype for what should be the biggest pay-per-view since WrestleMania.
Then again, we are talking about Raw and, in turn, Vince McMahon. Show rewrites are likely happening as I type.
Speaking of which, Jim Ross is, as of now, scheduled to take "The Michael Cole Challenge" (whatever that is) and he's apparently going to do so to kick off the show. Yes, that's the plan. Raw is going to open with an angle involving announcers.
The fun (hopefully) kicks off at a special start time of 8 p.m. ET and runs through 11 p.m. on USA. The running live blog is after the jump.
RAW RESULTS LIVE BLOG NOV. 14
Geno here ready to roll.
Broadcast is live.
The lead singer for Nickelback has the worst voice in the history of music. Oh how I really hate him.
We really are going to kick off tonight's show with the Michael Cole Challenge. Justin Roberts calls him down to the ring and the dipshit stumbles on his way in.
He bags on Jim Ross, calling him a "cartoon float," to no reaction, before announcing him in.
Jerry Lawler wonders what this Challenge actually is and I'm wondering if even Ross knows what it is. Cole says there are three challenges and if Ross wins all three, he gets his job back and Cole will quit.
"Any questions?" Ross tries to answer but gets cut off, "thanks for commenting."
First challenge -- Arm Wrestling
Crowd firmly in Ross' corner, as they chant his name while Cole rolls his sleeves up and calls Ross fat. J.R. doesn't even take his jacket off. Right when they're getting ready to start, Cole moves to the ropes and starts stretching.
I guess this is how they're going to kill some time on the three hour broadcast.
Cole finally steps up, the ref says go, Ross dominates him.
"I was just joshing you. I gave up. I couldn't breathe because of your barbecue breath."
They show like four replays. Good god, can we be done with this crap?
Cole says he's so confident he can win this next competition, he'll let the fans vote on who will win.
Second challenge -- Dance off
Sigh. This isn't even the kind of fun one would have when not taking themselves too seriously. This is just embarrassingly stupid.
Cole dances like a complete moron.
Ross shakes his ass and at one point, actually starts spanking himself.
"The gyrating J.R. did pretty damn good," says Lawler.
Cole gets the fan vote and, of course, Ross wins in a landslide. That's two for two for the former voice of the WWE.
Cole starts selling big that if Ross wins the third challenge, he'll bail -- forever -- and Ross gets his job back. Says Ross is going to choke as bad as the Boston Red Sox.
Final challenge -- Who weighs less?
They've gone to some seriously incredible lengths here to completely shit all over J.R. I don't feel bad for him anymore, seeing as he puts up with it. But whatever.
Cole - 200 pounds
Ross - 239 pounds
Cole announces himself as the winner and CM Punk's music hits. He's out with one of his pipe bombs.
Cole -- "You gotta be kidding me, right? This is my show. This is my moment. How dare you. How dare you interrupt this moment."
Punk -- "How dare I interrupt this because it was going oh so well, wasn't it?"
Ah, the voice of reason.
Punk says once it became painfully obvious that Cole wasn't going to give Ross a legitimate chance of winning, this whole thing became a colossal waste of time. Agreed.
Lawler manages to slip in a reference to the fact that Cole is trending on Twitter. Sad.
"The Second City Savior" says it's time for Cole to go bye-bye. Between Cole, "The Funkman" and Alberto Del Rio, everyone just wants to fast forward. I'm good with him saying it this time.
Still pushing the "I want to make the show interesting again," line. Says he'll do whatever it takes when he gets the belt. He'll wrestle 10 times a night, commentate, and even ring the bell. It starts tonight by taking the spotlight off Cole.
Cue John Laurinaitis, who puts over his Twitter page, saying his followers wanted to see the competition not get broken up.
Punk -- "Oh yeah? Screw you and your 38,000 Twitter followers." Nice.
Funkman -- "Well I care about my 38,000 Twitter followers." Sigh.
Laurinaitis sets up a match for tonight. Punk and Big Show against Del Rio and Mark Henry. Cole laughs at this and gets in his face, demanding an apology.
"Tell me you're sorry."
Punk looks at the hard camera with a smile on his face and then headbutts Cole. Then he locks in the Anaconda Vice and loudly says, "I'm sorry!"
Pose for the crowd, wipe the sweat off his brow and bail out.
Striker in the back saying it's finally time for the return everyone has been waiting for and out of the limo comes ...
... MICK FOLEY!!!!
Says of course he couldn't miss the return of The Rock and he's glad to be back here in Boston.
(Thumbs up, toothless smile.)
Tag team action up next.
Ross now ringside with Lawler calling the action for tonight. Fitting, too, considering both Foley and Rock are back. Cole announcing that would have been horrible.
Sin Cara and Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes and Hunico -- Rhodes has new theme music. It's edgier and with more emphasis on rock. He's also no longer wearing the mask. HA HA. Ross says "Hunico got embarrassed in his home town of Mexico City. My, imagine that."
I wonder if that was approved by McMahon or if Ross is just ignoring Vince screaming in his ear now.
Cara starts it off with Hunico and they're exchanging high paced moves. Tag out to Kingston and he comes in and hits a springboard. They double up with some good tag team action. Kingston and Cara both hit cross bodies to the outside.
Back and the heels are in control. Love it when they get all the offense in during breaks. Hunico and Rhodes take turns working over Cara, who finally makes his comeback with a hurricanrana. Time for the hot tag? Yep. Kingston comes in and does a somersault into a lariat.
What was the point of the somersault?
Crossbody off the top, and the tag match breaks down. Sin Cara takes out Hunico before Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes on Kingston for the pin. Kofi took that finisher about as bad as he possibly could.
They cut to the back and show The Rock walking through the back looking like a goddamn pimp. Way to ruin his return by showing him walk.
Backstage and Santino Marella is playing the WWE '12 video game using The Rock against John Cena. He's also commentating, which is obviously awesome.
Shill, shill, shill. Marella puts over The Rock big while Zack Ryder comes in and defends Cena, saying he would win in a match every time. Ryder wants Marella to sign his petition, and he does. Not sure what for, though.
Vickie Guerrero comes out and tells us about Christian hurting his ankle. Hey, I think some guy named Sergio covered that here. Says he's out for Survivor Series and starts bagging on Teddy Long for forcing him to compete while injured.
But wait, she's got good news.
Actually, Dolph Ziggler has good news, who comes out and says he's now on Team Barrett. Starts cutting a great promo that my humble fingers cannot keep up with. Suffice to say, he's slaying that microphone.
Looks like he's up against Mason Ryan next. Hope they don't have Wellness Policy testing tonight.
Oh no. Oh good god. They come back and Laurinaitis leads Ross out of the broadcast booth and Cole takes over.
Son of a bitch.
If McMahon actually thinks Michael Cole is good for business, he's even more delusional than we all already thought. This is so ridiculously stupid.
Ryan comes out to his generic music while Cole bitches and moans on commentary. He talked to David Otunga, you see, and he's going to sue Ross for getting his arm broken.
Meanwhile in the ring (novel concept to Cole), Ryan is obliterating Ziggler. Vickie gets up on the apron and Ryan asks her what she's going to do. So she slaps the taste out of his mouth and it's a disqualification.
Suddenly, John Morrison comes out and sends Ziggler back into the ring. Ryan picks him up and slams him. Looks like Ziggler's head bounced off the ring and he rolls out looking pissed off.
Cut to the back.
Ryder wants him to sign his petition. Foley wants to learn his schtick first.
Woo woo woo, you know it.
Foley signs and takes us to break.
We're back and for the first time in a long time, Mick Foley's music hits the speakers on Raw. Out he comes to a hero's reception. The crowd chants his name and we're into hour number two, folks.
"As a Kansas farm girl once said, there's no place like home."
He wastes no time and starts putting over the match at Survivor Series on Sunday. Mentions The Rock to a nice cheer, mentions John Cena and the boos are louder.
And this is in Boston.
The people want to boo him. He gets a lot of cheers but he gets boos in his own market? That means the people are ready for the heel turn.
Foley announces him as coming out next and here he is.
Cena says he chose Rock as his tag partner for Survivor Series not because he's his friend, but because Rock is so damn good. Can't argue with that. Doesn't need to be friends with him to tag with him.
Foley jumps in and puts over Cena as having treated everyone with respect since all the way back in 2006. "That, in my book, makes you a hell of a man."
Mick then puts over his Twitter, talking about when he went there to defend Cena having put on a ton of great matches. Even goes so far as to say he thinks Cena is one of the greatest that ever stepped foot in the ring.
Let's relax a bit, Foley.
He shows off a shit that has half of Rock's design and half of Cena's. Uh-oh. Says he wants to bring Rock and Cena together and he wants to do it with ....
.... John Cena, This is Your Life!
Cue the "emotionally charged" video package. Lot of footage of Cena as a kid interspersed with Cena as a WWE superstar. They come back from it and Cena looks embarrassed.
Foley brings out the first guest and it's his little league coach from West Newbury back in the day. The coach gets in the ring and hugs Cena, who doesn't return the favor.
The coach starts telling a story about how all the team needed was a hit in the bottom of the sixth to win the game and John ... struck out. "Everybody strikes out every once in a while, John, it's okay," says Foley.
"You're striking out with this thing right now," replies Cena. Okay, that was good.
Next up is Bull Buchanan, who was formerly Cena's rap partner from back in the day. They show the two in action. Out comes Bull, doing the old "Boo-ya!" schtick.
He says Cena was the greatest tag team partner he ever had, bar none. Doesn't want to get emotional or mushy but teaming with Cena was the greatest time in his life. They broke up, of course, but Cena has become one of the greatest superstars of all time. Buchanan starts talking about his plight since then. He got fired, his old lady took off and he lost all his money in a Ponzi scheme. His dog even bit him and gave him rabies.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, you know what John? You ruined my life!"
"Finally something worse than the Shockmaster," says Cena.
Foley brings out John Cena Sr. next. He says he wants to say something to the WWE Universe, especially those testosterone laden monkeys out there who say "Cena sucks."
"Cena doesn't suck. You suck! How dare you hassle my son. Do you have any idea how hard he works? Little children love him. So? Let's be cool. Let's boo him."
"They're definitely going to now," Cena Jr. laments.
He finally stops his old man and tells him to stop because this is awful. I disagree. This is great now. Cena says thanks, Mick, but no thanks. "That wasn't my life, this here ring is my life." Says he's ending this thing now because this is just as bad as the gobbledygooker.
Foley stops him and says he wants to bring out one more guest. It's a hot lady who had eyes for him and ...
"IF YA SMELL.....
The Rock comes walking out like a big dog, gets into the ring, calmly gives Foley a Rock Bottom, and leaves.
I can't handle how awesome that was.
Sheamus comes out as we come back from break and they show video of him giving an award to Justin Bieber. His opponent is Job Swagger.
Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger -- They tie up early and Sheamus takes the early edge with a hip toss and a shoulder block. Beats Swagger down a bit before clotheslining him to the outside and screaming.
Swagger getting the offense in now. Works an arm for a rest spot and the crowd chants something I can't make out. They do a weird spot with Swagger sending Sheamus into the ropes and hitting him with an elbow to the back when he bounces off. That looked as bad as it sounds.
Sheamus makes his comeback on the third attempt at this clearly highly effective move and once again started unloading on the "All American American." Tries to hit the Celtic Cross but Swagger counters with, you guessed it, a forearm to the back.
Splash in the corner and Swagger locks on the Ankle Lock. That lasts for about six seconds before Sheamus counters out and hits the Brogue kick a short while later to pick up the clean pin.
When was the last time this guy lost? The mega-push continues.
Backstage and the Bella twins are sizing up Del Rio. He says he would love to stay and talk but he's got an important meeting with Laurinaitis. They say they didn't believe Punk when he said "ADR" wasn't interesting. A little bit of lame ensues and if you weren't watching, I won't subject you to it.
The ladies are already in the ring for this next match. First, though, is a video of the behind-the-scenes goings on with Kelly Kelly doing the Maxim cover. Kelly talks about her first love being modeling. Which is a nice way of saying, she likes it when guys drool over her nice body.
Natalya vs. Kelly Kelly -- After 30 seconds of nothing, Kelly rolls Natalya up and gets the win. A three hour show and this is what the Diva's were given. Par for the course.
Laurinaitis is talking into a phone and playing like he's speaking with Brodus Clay. He's telling him he doesn't want him to debut tonight because he would just be overshadowed by The Rock. So let's wait until next week and "we'll do it big."
Enter Del Rio.
Laurinaitis tries to motivate the champ by telling him Punk has been schooling him lately. Del Rio says whatever, Punk won't even make it to Survivor Series.
Next segment opens with Lawler promoting Punk vs. Del Rio at Survivor Series.
They run through the rest of the card before cutting to Miz and R-Truth in the back. Matt Stryker asks a few questions and no one answers. Three questions, zero answers, plenty of hard stares.
They show Punk walking through the back like they do before a break and suddenly Del Rio comes out of nowhere and puts a hurtin' on him. Two dorky refs manage to pull him off, though, so don't worry.
Coming back, they showcase the fact that John Cena has around five million more likes on Facebook than The Rock. I'm so glad I just learned that completely useless piece of information that affects nothing.
Ricardo Rodriguez introduces the WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio.
Out next is the World Heavyweight Champion, Mark Henry, wearing a shirt that has his screaming face on the front and says "Hall of Pain," while the back reads "All Will Suffer."
I'll be back in a second, gotta hit WWE Shop.
Big Show is far too enthusiastic as he comes out. Once he hits the ring, Del Rio bails out but Henry holds his ground.
Love the contrast in heels there.
Punk comes out selling an arm injury, chasing Del Rio around the ring. Enough of that, though, time for a match.
CM Punk and Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio and Mark Henry -- The babyfaces take early control with Show stomping out Del Rio before tagging in Punk, who does the same. Punk tags Show back and "ADR" manages to get away long enough to tag Henry in.
They lock up and Henry shoves Show off, winning that test of strength. They lock up again, and Henry wins again. This time, Show takes his shirt off after.
Surely he'll have the strength now!
As expected, they lock up and Show bellows like a banshee before sending Henry flying. He gets cocky and tries to pick Henry put for a body slam but ends up on his ass with Henry on top looking for the pinfall. Show, however, manages to kick out at two.
The heels are in control now, with Henry doing some hulk smashing before tagging Del Rio in so he could get in on the offensive party. The WWE champ gets his licks in and lets Henry get back in there.
Big Show makes his comeback via goofy looking body shots. Hits a big boot and calls for the big punch. Henry bails and tags Del Rio, who complains about Henry doing such a thing. "That's your opponent, why did you do that?"
Punk in the ring with Del Rio and the crowd is on its feet in anticipation of a hot tag. But it doesn't come and Henry is in and working over the "Straight Edge Superstar." Now it's back to Del Rio. He works Punks arm and Cole correctly makes note of the fact that he's doing so to soften it up for the Cross Armbreaker.
Holy shit. Some insanity ensues that results in Henry giving Punk the World's Strongest Slam before Show comes in the ring and hits the hardest shoulder block I've ever seen. Henry looked like he double tapped his head on the canvas.
Del Rio takes advantage and pins Punk for the win. He also locks in the Cross Armbreaker before getting run off by Show.
They replay the Foley segment earlier in the night, or at least the part where Rock came out and hit Foley with the Rock Bottom.
Everyone's favorite mid-card comedy act, Santino Marella, is here.
It's cobra time.
He's got a mic and says he's sorry for interrupting but he could not resist. Says he came super close to winning the Royal Rumble in Boston this year and would have if it wasn't for that summuma gun, Alberto Del Rio. He says this is where he'll get his career back on track. Vows to return to Boston as the WWE champion.
Cue nWo music.
Kevin Nash hits the ring, microphone already in hand.
Marella is a god. "Just please tell me you're not here to beat me up and make a statement."
Nash tells him to show him how to do the trombone. Marella, eager to please, does so. Nash hits the big boot.
"Yeah, I was in the Rumble. I blew the roof off this building. I got the biggest reaction of the night. But did my good buddy Triple H have the business sense to hire me? No! Well guess what, Triple H? I'm here and you're not."
Picks up Santino and hits him with the Jackknife Powerbomb. Takes off.
Randy Orton does a few push-ups backstage and flexes for the cameras.
Wade Barrett's music hits and he brings out his entire Survivor Series team. Barrett starts making crazy claims like he's the present and Orton is the past. He'll make a big statement tonight by devenomizing "The Viper."
Orton comes out with his entire team, though this is supposed to be a singles match. Traditional WWE booking tells us that when there are this many people near the ring at one time, they'll eventually get into a pull apart brawl by the time all is said and done. Especially considering the fact that they'll all be involved in a match this Sunday on pay-per-view.
A little sneak peak, as it were.
Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett -- Orton kicked things off by kicking Barrett around like a play thing. Wade, by the way, is growing his hair out and he if grew his mustache in, he'd look an awful lot like John Holmes. He works a sleeper until Orton decides to come back and start dominating again. Orton hits the DDT and acts like he's going for the RKO and there it is, everyone in the ring to start the brawl.
The babyfaces take the heels out rather easily and poor Hunico gets left in the ring to eat an RKO and get sent flying to the outside into his team, who all conveniently gathered in one place.
Another recap shows of Rock giving Foley the Rock Bottom. Oh, he's up next, by the way.
And finally, it's time for "The Great One."
Rock is JACKED. Team Bring It shirt on and its clinging to him like it's cold out.
We get a few minutes of posing and bad guitar solos from his theme song until he finally calls for a mic. Give it a second, though; they are chanting The Rock's name.
"ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!"
Already hits a home run. Says he woke up at 3:00 a.m. and by 3:15 he had "already had his breakfast, not a fruity pebble in sight."
I can barely live blog this. He's KILLING it on the mic. Cracking jokes, commanding the room, impeccable timing, bashing Cena. Man, this is so great.
He says he's got a date in six days but that's not right now. Rock lives for right now. And sorry, Mick Foley, but he couldn't just sit in the back while you served up that steaming pile of hot garbage tonight with Cena.
Crowd chants a thank you and Rock says, "You're welcome."
Even Rock is putting Twitter over big now. He's doing it in a way that isn't pissing me off, though. That's probably just because it's him and he gets a pass.
He tells us "Boots to Asses" is trending on Twitter right now. Let me go check.
Nope. "Boots to Asses" is not trending worldwide on Twitter. Give it a minute.
Anyway, he says he came to Boston to rock Raw and he won't wait until Survivor Series. He's going to deliver an "awesome" ass whooping to Awesome Truth and he wants to do it right now.
Cue the music.
I guarantee Rock bumps here and puts these guys over for the pay-per-view this weekend. It's the right thing to do and Rock has a great mind for pro wrestling. Save the pop for when they have to pay for it. Take a beating now for the good of it later.
HA. Miz -- "Really? Really? Really, Rock?"
Love that schtick.
Truth jumps in an says if Rock really thinks he's going to do anything tonight, he's the most "delusional man in all of entertainment ... or Twittertainment."
Miz and Truth say they could take Rock out tonight ... but they won't. They'll wait until this Sunday. They go to leave and Cena's music hits. Out he comes, though he's as unwanted as he could possibly be. The crowd hardly reacts.
Already got a big time superstar out here, Johnny boy, your services aren't required.
Cena in the ring and Rock and Cena are on one side and Miz and Truth are on the other. Instead of going after the heels, Cena dogs out Rock by cracking on his only showing up via satellite over the past seven years.
The Rock owns him by saying, "You'll have to excuse my partner because clearly he's not used to having the support of someone who's actually hit puberty." Says Cena should be more worried about Rock's size 15 boot rising up and kicking him right in his lady parts.
"Lady parts is now trending on Twitter."
Rock is king.
Cena responds with a bitch slap comment that was actually pretty good.
Miz finally chimes in and says he's sick and tired of Cena and The Rock arguing. When Awesome Truth gets done with them at Survivor Series, it will never be forgotten. Big miss, Miz, gotta tell ya.
Truth says we'll see you Sunday and I can't help but notice Rock's arm is pulsating.
Rock says, "You will see us on Sunday but right now, right here, boots to asses."
Rock Bottom for Truth. Cena tries to hit the Attitude Adjustment on Miz but Rock knocks him over and hits the Rock Bottom on Miz, too.
As stated, John, your services are not required here.
Rock hits the top of the entrance ramp and gives the subtle "you can't see me" gesture.
Fade to black.