clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

WWE Raw results and live blog Oct. 31: The Muppets on Halloween

Photo via
Photo via

WWE Raw Supershow (still calling it that) comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (Oct. 31, 2011) from the Philips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia.

It's Halloween, folks, and the Muppets will be in the building to create a few laughs, force a few fans to shake a few heads, and generally entertain you.

If that's your kind of thing.

The Rock is all set to open the show with what will likely be a pre-taped video answering John Cena's call for a tag team partner at Survivor Series on Nov. 20 against The Miz and R-Truth. Expect the best, because he's coming.

Jim Ross will also be there tonight to partake in the "Michael Cole Challenge." What that is we still don't know, but we'll find out tonight. It's likely something that could be construed as embarrassing for good old J.R.

Finally, as announced days ago, CM Punk will be in the main event in a match against Mark Henry. If he wins, he gets a title shot against Alberto Del Rio at Survivor Series. If he loses, well, blasphemy.

The fun -- and it always is -- kicks off at 9 p.m. ET tonight on USA. Be sure to come back then and join us for the Raw live blog.


Geno here and ready to get back and at 'em.

Almost showtime folks.

Broadcast is live.

The Rock's music kicks on and he's on the Titantron. They outright admit to it being taped earlier today. Rock has grey in his beard. He's also fuggin jacked.

Ha. Cena asked to be tag partners with Rock.

"Here's The Rock's answer back to you, from the heart -- Hell no."

Rock says he'd just as soon smack Cena's face than his hand to tag in. He's not joining "The Fruit Loop Troop." This is great.

Now "The Great One" changes directions and says his Twitter has blown up with people telling him he has to team with Cena because everyone hates The Miz and R-Truth. Says it's not about what Cena wants or even what the Rock wants.

It's about the people.

"For one night, you and The Rock will be a tag team and we will face Miz and R-Truth at Survivor Series."

Rock starts putting over Awesome Truth. Calling them cowards for jumping dudes in the back. God, Rock, why go there? He gets back to getting after Cena and says he wants him to witness close up how Rock puts boots to asses like he's a country singer and songwriter.

"You watch, John Cena, how a real man gets it done."

I think he just called Cena's mom a fat ass. Yeah. "The Rock and John Cena at Survivor Series ... never before, never again."

If you smell what The Rock's cooking and all that.

Gotta admit, that was a weak promo from one of the best ever.

CM Punk's music hits and apparently he's not the main event against Henry because this is a match. They're already plugging the crap out of Twitter, much to the annoyance of everyone, everywhere.

Out comes Henry and I guess I can understand putting this match on early in a big money spot but this means they'll close the show with John Cena vs. The Miz.


They replay the superplex from Henry on Big Show that broke the ring at Vengeance.

John Laurinaitis makes his way out to introduce himself for the 789,987th time. Reminds fans of what is at stake in this upcoming match and bails out.

Mark Henry vs. CM Punk -- Henry gets the early edge, beast-moding (yep, just made it up) his way through the Punkster. Big press slam. Punk makes a comeback and comes off the top rope for a splash. Goes up top for the flying elbow a la Macho Man. Only gets two out of it.

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez have made their way to ringside. Rodriguez gets in the ring and starts kicking the crap out of Henry trying to get the disqualification. The ref finally calls for it after Rodriguez starts knocking Henry around with a shoe.

Punk loses, no title shot.

He gets pissed and does a suicide dive to the outside. ADR bails and leaves his lackey to take the punishment, as he usually does.

Punk just throws Rodriguez in the ring where Henry awaits to give him the "World's Strongest Slam." The cameras missed it, though, because they couldn't decide on who to focus on between all the awesomeness out in the arena at one time.

Punk chases Del Rio to the back while Henry literally walks over Rodriguez to end the segment.

They plug the Michael Cole Challenge before mentioning The Muppets are up next.

Commercial break.

Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy bring us back from break. Piggy calls herself the original Diva and Vickie Guerrero ruins it.


Jack Swagger tries to make a joke about Kermit turning into frog legs and fails miserably. Piggy calls him Frankenstein and Kermit says he doesn't want any trouble with Swagger or his mom.

Santino Marella's music hits.

Says Swagger shouldn't be picking on the Muppets, he should be warming up. John Laryngitis booked a match between Santino and Swagger.

Swagger gets some serious heel heat by grabbing Kermit's mouth to keep him quiet. Santino says Dolph Ziggler has been booked for a match later against Zack Ryder.

Kelly Kelly's music hits and she walks over and gives Kermit a kiss. Piggy, obviously, is pissed.

No different than every self-respecting pro wrestling fan right now.

Commercial break.

We're back and Eve is out along with many other Diva's. It's funny because I don't recognize any of these ladies. Probably because WWE constantly tells us there are only four.

The Bella Twins are dressed as slutty Mario and slutty Luigi, a hermaphrodite nightmare.

This is actually a battle royal with Beth Phoenix on commentary. I wonder who's going to be left over in the end here? I'm guessing Kelly, Ev and Natalya. The Bellas go out and Alicia is in there as a part of the final four alongside the other three I just mentioned.

Big surprise on that one.

Now Alicia is out. Kelly, too. Eve then dumps Natalya and Eve is now the number one contender to the Diva's title. The Diva's of Doom get in the ring but are chased off by Kelly, Eve and Alicia.

I sure am glad I just watched that.

Another segment with the Muppets and Beaker is trying to get a special potion to Santino. He runs into Christian, who pours it out and calls him a nerd. Sheamus shows up and runs him off. Lame comedy follows.

This is just painful.

Air Boom's new music hits and it's just as bad as their tag team name.

Commercial break.

The WWE Insider Twitter account is saying Kevin Nash has "officially" been signed to a contract ... even though he already had one that was supposedly ironclad. WWE storytelling, folks.

Back from break and a match broke out at the Muppets show.

Air Boom vs. Wade Barrett and Cody Rhodes -- This is a weird tag team from Smackdown but they're both heels so it works. Barrett gets worked over by Kofi before bailing out. Rhodes comes in to get dominant before Barrett does the same. Kofi makes a short comeback before Barrett squashes him with punches. Cole rightfully puts Barrett over as "a former bare-knuckle champion."

In comes Rhodes, who keeps the heel offense going with stomps in the corner. Another teased comeback from Kingston falls short and Barrett is back in to continue the beating. Rhodes back in and Kofi springboards him across the ring.

Finally, the hot tag and Bourne is working over a freshly tagged in Barrett. Bourne gets caught in Wasteland but he counters into a DDT. Some shenanigans follow that lead to Barrett actually hitting the Wasteland and winning the match with a clean pin.

What's the point of having the tag champs job here?

Christian comes out and starts smashing the champs some more before Sheamus comes hauling ass to the ring. He tosses Christian out, runs off Barrett and Brogue kicks Rhodes.

This is one bad ass sum bitch, basically.

Statler and Waldorf make an appearance and fail spectacularly.

Cut to the back and Laurinaitis texting. Punk shows up and is pissed about Del Rio getting him intentionally disqualified. Punk cuts a promo complaining and Laurinaitis tells him he's got a title shot as long as Del Rio agrees to give it to him. Punk says that's fair and smacks him on the ass before leaving.

What the hell was that?

Commercial break.

This is the worst show I've seen since like two weeks ago.

Promo for Brodus Clay. He'll be here next week and he wants us to know he is "the beginning and the end."

That doesn't even make sense, Bro.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show -- So I guess since Punk had a match with Henry, Show gets one against Del Rio. That's Vince McMahon logic. More replays of the ring collapse at Vengeance while Show comes out. They've done it now. They'll killed it. It was cool, 48 replays, now it's not. They just won't let us have nice things.

Finally the match starts and Show punches the shit out of Del Rio before giving him a chop to the chest, which sounds like a gunshot. And another one. That's a shoot, folks, that shit hurts like hell.

Del Rio makes a short comeback to work Show's legs -- psychology and all that -- but the Big man puts an end to that with a headbutt.

Does anyone really win with a headbutt, though?

Suplex from Show gets a two count. Show gets some good offense in by standing on the champ. Lariat from the corner. Show is just smashing this fool and working him like a top level heel should. Except he's a babyface. Finally, Del Rio makes a comeback by jumping on the giant's back and working a sleeper. Starts headbutting him while he's trying to put him to sleep.

I shit you not, Del Rio actually did that. Counterproductive much?

Show goes to one knee and the hold breaks but they act like it didn't and go back to it. MMA fans can't watch this and believe it at all because Dos Caras Del Rio doesn't even have his arm under the chin. What's wrong with making it look even kind of real?

Show busts out and is coughing in the corner like his larynx just got crushed. Nice sell, big timer.

They're on the outside now and Del Rio is getting the better of the action. He lays out Show and tries to get a count out but it doesn't work. Back in the ring and ADR is landing a thousand kicks. Goes for a pin and Show disrespects the shit out of his offense by busting out of the pin by launching Del Rio halfway across the ring.

Del Rio works another sleeper that isn't actually locked in. Show breaks out with a back body drop but still sells the effects of the sleeper that wasn't locked in.

They get up at the same time and trade shots. The crowd is fuggin DEAD right now. I think they've cheered once. Unless they're all dressed as zombies and taking it a little too far for Halloween, this is the worst crowd ever.

As I say that a chant breaks out for Big Show that consisted of four people. It was quickly squashed by someone reading in the far corner. Show sends Del Rio to the outside with a clothesline over the top rope.

Commercial break.

Back from break and Del Rio is working over Shows leg ... by holding it ... and punching it. Seriously, this move doesn't even look like it would hurt. Show finally gets smart and uses his other leg ... which was free the whole time ... to blast ADR to pop out.

Up they go, Show teases a choke slam, gets hit with a DDT and once again completely dumps on Del Rio by kicking out via hulk toss across the ring. This time Del Rio actually went flying out.


Del Rio went for a kick in the corner and Show hit him with his big punch. Except it literally just looked like he bitch slapped him. Cole called it "a swat."

1-2-3 and the WWE champion just jobbed clean in a non-title match. What is this, Bellator?

CM Punk comes out and nods at Show on his way to the ring. Del Rio is still laid out in the ring. Punk grabs a pipe bomb and a bottle of water. I'm glad the Bears beat the Falcons earlier this year because this Atlanta crowd is full of donks.

"Amigo, can you hear me?"

Punk dumps water in Del Rio's face to wake him up. Tells him he needs to wake up because Punk is going to put him in the Anaconda Vice until he agrees to give him a match at Survivor Series.

And that's exactly what happens.

"He said yes!"

Sorry, Punk, didn't hear you, the mic was off.

"He said yes!"

Still nothing.

"He said yes!"

Seriously, dude, get a new mic.

Finally gets his line off right and walks out.

Fozzie and Gonzo in the back and Swagger and Ziggler show up to mess with them. Ziggler says to pass the word along that their friends don't want to get involved later.

I actually feel dumber for having watched this show tonight.

Commercial break.

Back with crowd shots showing costumes. Time to plug the Muppets movie coming out this Thanksgiving.

Guest timekeeper for this match is Animal.

Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella -- A Swagger squash at the hands of Santino would save this night in a hurry. Clearly not going to happen, though. Naturally, Swagger dominates early. Starts doing push-ups on Santino's back. How dare you, Jack.

Loudly calls out a spot in the corner before sending Santino to the other. Nice one. What's this? The crowd starts chanting "we want Ryder." Looking at the fans from the view of the hard camera, this seriously looks like a crowd taken from the Impact Zone.

Santino with a trip sending Swagger into the ropes. Beaker is out with the Muppets energy drink. He spits it into Swagger's face and gets the pinfall.

Okay, that one was pretty slick.

Commercial break.

Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler -- Ziggler with a shoulder block to start with and he's running the ropes like his life depends on it. Take notes, Kelly Kelly. Starts toying with Ryder, who hasn't looked strong for more than 38 seconds in the two months he's been on WWE TV.

Just as I say that he makes a comeback with a dropkick off the second rope. Catapults himself over the top rope onto Ziggler on the outside, does the "woo woo woo" spot and leads us to break.

Commercial break.

Ziggler in control as they fade back in. Neckbreaker and a kip up. That's pimp mode, ladies and sirs. Dropkick gets caught and Ryder sends Dolph into the turnbuckle. Guess how he sold it?

Ryder finally gets back on offense and sets up the big kick in the corner. Only gets two. Ryder gets a pinfall but Ziggler had his leg on the rope. The ref called it off and they restart. Ryder still gets the Rough Ryder and the clean victory.

Reminder: Dolph Ziggler is the United States champion.

The crowd was hotter for Ryder than anyone else so far and that includes The Rock. So there's that.

Commercial break.

As if this show couldn't get any worse, they again decide to air a recap video of Kevin Nash attacking Triple H last week.

Triple H suffered a concussion and a fractured vertebra, guys. He'll be out for at least five more weeks. That's all it takes to recover from injuries like that.

Michael Cole is up on the announce table running his mouth again. He's lipping off about Jim Ross, of course. Says Ross didn't show up to take the Michael Cole Challenge.

Statler and Waldorf -- "The only thing worse than listening to Michael Cole is ... nothing!"

Cut to Miss Piggy in the back rubbing up on John Morrison's abs. Piggy wants a date but Morrison says he has someone better in mind ... enter Hornswoggle. He kisses Piggy on the cheek and gets clocked for his trouble.

He's in love now.

Kermit comes in and gets bagged by Cody Rhodes.

Stalter and Waldorf finally make a funny joke about being lucky for not being able to see anything because Cena vs. Miz is up next.

Commercial break.

John Cena vs. The Miz -- The show is scheduled to be over in five minutes. Cena comes out and tells the camera that he's the guy here doing it every night. He works all the house shows, you know. They show a bunch of kids in the crowd who want us to know we can't see them. No word on if their time is now or not.

The crowd finally gets up for this match, rocking the dueling Cena chants. One faction thinks he sucks, the other wants him to "go." All the while, Miz is landing flying elbows for two-counts in the ring.

Kevin Nash WILL be on Raw next week, everyone. That's confirmed. Be there or be happy about your life. Your choice.

Sleeper from Miz and the crowd takes its cue to bust out the Cena chants again. This is why he's in the main event.

John Cena is the Tim Tebow of pro wrestling.

Five moves of doom and now The Miz can't see Cena. Five-knuckle shuffle leads to an Attitude Adjustment (AA) attempt that gets thwarted. Can someone tell me the last time Cena hit the five-knuckle shuffle and subsequently landed the AA? It had to be against some jobber, right?

Miz does his version of the hulk up by looking like an idiot with his arms behind his back and head down. Cena comes back and smashes with a lariat that "turned him inside out" according to Jerry Lawler.

Thanks for the visual, King.

Cena off the top for the big leg drop and it looked like he actually missed completely. Would have to see a replay but it seriously appeared as though Cena didn't even connect with Miz. Another AA attempt leads to a DDT counter from Miz that gets a close two count.

Not a bad match.

Miz gets sent out to the apron. Cena is shown telling him the next spot, which is to send him into the barricade. A "fan" assaults him wearing the mask from the old "Scream" movies. Miz can't do anything with it, anyway, as he gets in the ring and Cena quickly submits him with the STF.

The guy in the Scream mask is back in the ring and of course it's R-Truth.

Way to make the heels look like weak, bumbling idiots that can't even compete with one member of the tag team at Survivor Series. If these guys can't spring a surprise attack properly, why should we think they even deserve to be in the same ring as The Rock and John Cena?


Mercifully, it ends.

Sign up for the newsletter Sign up for the Cageside Seats Daily Roundup newsletter!

A daily roundup of all your pro wrestling news from Cageside Seats