In the mid to late '90s, a popular feature of America Online's WWF area (which was the company's main online presence for years as they eschewed having a website of any consequence for years) was the series of moderated chats with WWF Superstars. On August 20, 1998, Vince McMahon went down to the office of Bill Banks (now with TNA) to serve as the guest in one of these chats. Technical problems caused them to lose the ability to take questions after awhile, so Vince talked to himself for the duration of the session. The results were...interesting. Including Vince announcing that "Speaking of massive, wait til you get a load of a new WWF toy. It's called a BOSS HOSS. It's a 351 cubic inch chevrolet engine. Fitted between my legs, 0 to 60 in 1 1/2 seconds. It's the ultimate crotch rocket!" Thankfully, the chat transcript was immortalized several years ago on the sadly defunct Pro Wrestling Chronicle blog. Full transcript after the jump.
Vince is WWFLive2.
WWFBBANKS: Folks....Mr. McMahon is here! We will begining in a
moment...Send your questions in for Mr. McMahon! Welcome Mr. McMahon!
WWFLive2: HELLO EVERYBODY, GOT A CUP OF COFFEE IN MY HAND GETTING READY TO TRAIN IN AN HOUR, LET'S DO IT!
Question: Who would you like to see represent the WWF as their Champion?
WWFLive2: Bob Backlund, however, Mr. Backlund is too old.
Question: Is Sid coming back?
WWFLive2: I hope not.
Question: Vince, what kind of working relationship, if any, do you
have with Paul Heyman of ECW?
WWFLive2: I hear from Paul approximately once every three
months when he wants something. That's the extent of the relationship although, on occasion, I want something from him too.
Question: What next big talent might be coming to WWF. Is Ric Flair on his way?
WWFLive2: If I told you the next big talent who was to arrive on the scene, I would spoil the surprise, however, it's no secret that I would like for Mr. Flair to be in WWF ranks, only however, when he is legally clear to do so.
Question: Why is RAW taped week after week?
WWFLive2: RAW is live at least twice per month, soon to be more.
Question: Vinnie Mac, what are your concens now that the warrior has joined wcw?
WWFLive2: None! Whose left that wcw can take? Bruno Sammartino?
Question: Mr. McMahon, Are you and Bret Hart in Cahoots against WCW?
WWFLive2: Bret is my secret agent, however, not a very good
Question: Mr. McMahon, over the past two years in which WCW peaked
(probably permanently), how sure were you that your new "direction" of the WWF would reclaim it's rightful throne?
WWFLive2: I always feel that creativity coupled with LadyLuck and a very strong work ethic will eventually overcome. Despite overwhelming odds and predatory practices from Ted Turner.
Question: Vince, You must realize that many young children idolize the wrestlers of the WWF. I was wondering if you were at all concerned what the kids were picking up from the middle fingers and sex references from the wrestlers??
WWFLive2: It's the 90's! The WWF is only reflecting what is contemporary in today's society I dare say there are a great deal more middle fingers and sexual references in everyone's life then are portrayed in the WWF. Nonetheless, it is every parents discretion as to whether populace watch the WWF or any other TV program on the air.
Question: What are your thoughts on Hawk and his appearance of being drunk?
WWFLive2: Perhaps Hawk should visit Betty Ford.
Question: Vince you need to further improve your light weight division.....the belt seems almost meaningless. How will you improve this?
WWFLive2: Yokozuna is on a diet! Perhaps an influx of Ethiopian talent would be appropriate
Question: Vince, what is your true opinion on Mick Foley? Don't you think he deserves at least a title shot after all he's done to himself for the WWF?
WWFLive2: Mick Foley is one of the most extraordinary human beings on the face of the planet. But sometimes people don't get what they deserve. Although in Mick's case, he might.
Question: Mr. McMahon who in your opinion has the most talent in the WWF?
WWFLive2: Vince McMahon
Question: Where is the patriot?
WWFLive2: The Patriot is where all old patriots go, probably in a VFW home somewhere in South Carolina.
Question: Are you interested in Chris Jericho?
WWFLive2: I'm interested in any young aggressive performer who has the desire to excel.
Question: Mr. McMahon who is your favorite wrestler (active) AND WHY
WWFLive2: George the Animal Steele still wrestles for the independents. Why, because he is older than I am, I admire that.
Question: Vince, are you a fan of South Park? Will we see Golga on there?
WWFLive2: I love South Park! Chef and Cartman are my two favorite characters.
Question: Do you plan on signing randy savage when his contract expires?
WWFLive2: In the year 2032, that might be a little late.
Question: Do you respect Eric Bishoff at all? If so why? If not why?
WWFLive2: As far as a TV performer is concerned, I think he's pretty good, but, I don't know the man personally, I really can't comment.
Question: WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON TONY SCHIAVONES COMMENTATING TWO WEEKS AGO WHERE HE INSULTED YOUR MAIN EVENT CONSTANTLY THROUGHOUT NITRO?
WWFLive2: Tony only does what he's told to do.
Question: Will we ever see Bret in the WWF again and have you spoke to him since?
WWFLive2: He might return one day to the WWF, but not at the rate that his skill is deteriorating in WCW.
Question: Vince, why didn't you show at the WCW PPV to fight Eric Bischoff?
WWFLive2: I sent Mr. Bishoff a letter indicating that any parking lot in any city in America would be a suitable location for me to meet him. Rather than me show up at a Turner PPV and increase their buy rates I chose to offer Mr. Bishoff a with no TV coverage, just Bishoff vs. Vince. I got no response.
(The AOL service malfunctions, leaving Vince McMahon alone. Vince McMahon would spend the next twenty minutes waiting for service to resume. It never did.)
WWFLive2: We're temporarily frozen, stand by.
WWFLive2: We're coming back up, stay with me.
WWFLive2: I guess we have too damn many people wanting to talk to Mr. McMahon.
WWFLive2: What the hell is going on anyhow??
WWFLive2: This is supposed to be interactive but right now it's a one way street.
WWFLive2: You might even call it the HIGHWAY TO HELL!. In which case, in a role that is unfit for me, likely I would be deemed the devil.
WWFLive2: Hang on everybody, we're still frozen, god it's cold in here. Can we say shrinkage?
WWFLive2: While we're down, I predict that all of my
predictions are likely to be verified this Monday on RAW. Can you
believe that the Undertaker drove off with his brother Kane in a
hearse last Monday. I understand they were last seen on Route
95 heading North.
WWFLive2: Can somebody at AOL please wake the hell up? Is all of America trying to talk to Mr. McMahon?
WWFLive2: We're back, finally!
WWFLive2: No we're not back.
WWFLive2: Why the hell is AOL frozen?
WWFLive2: Damn it, I want to talk to you people.
WWFLive2: More importantly, I want to listen to you.
WWFLive2: But to answer most of your question, I'm feeling fine!
WWFLive2: It's nice that everyone is so concerned with my
health and mental well being. I didn't know so many people cared.
WWFLive2: You see while this damn thing is frozen, I can
fantasize all I want. Which brings me to Sable. Wow!! Wait til you
guys see, if you haven't already, some of the new shots of Sable. Truly a classy lady. and a classy chassy to boot. Did I say boot, that's kind of nice too.
WWFLive2: Well I certainly appreciate all of the questions
coming over a frozen AOL. Come on Bob Pittman, get your shit together! The one opportunity I have to speak to everybody online and damn el nino strikes again! Or is it nanook of the
north? You guys remember the pro wrestler Nanook don't you? He worked for Jerry Jarrett in the 60's under an assumed name. Speaking of Jerry Jarrett, wonder how well he's doing selling property. He was thought of as the most beloved promoter in the history of the wrestling business, although Kansas City's Bob Gigel ran a close second. What the hell's going on? I'm still frozen! We're crashed.
WWFLive2: She's breaking up, she's breaking up.
WWFLive2: Much like DX might be doing...oops! maybe I shouldn't
have said that.
WWFLive2: I'm having a blast talking to myself. I can't hear you.
WWFLive2: I'm making alot of sense to myself, as I generally do when I am asking and answering my own questions, I'm sure yours would be more provocative:
WWFLive2: Alright AOL. What the hell is going on? You should
have known that people want to talk to Mr. McMahon.
WWFLive2: I know I do.
WWFLive2: This is really getting nonsensical, if we don't
straighten it out soon, I'm going downstairs to the no excuse gym,
open 7 days per week, 24 hours a day. My goal is to add another
quarter inch to these massive twenty inch guns.
WWFLive2: Speaking of massive, wait til you get a load of a new
WWF toy. It's called a BOSS HOSS. It's a 351 cubic inch chevrolet
engine. Fitted between my legs, 0 to 60 in 1 1/2 seconds. It's the ultimate crotch rocket!
WWFLive2: We're talking to AOL now, Susan, who claims that we may have had a problem if more than 5,000 people were trying to get in, no shit, can you imagine that. Like I said before, they just weren't prepared.
WWFLive2: Susan, I sure wish this problem with AOL were fixed. What a waste.
WWFLive2: I'm told some of you now can see this monologue.
WWFLive2: It's not a very good monologue.
WWFLive2: Mr. M: But, it's the best I can do at the moment. What I
would really like is for AOL to apologize to all of you who have
attempted to reach the WWF and yours truly tonight. I would like to
see this apology on the air and in every newspaper and we here will
apologize to our fans through WWF.COM as well as on the air.
WWFLive2: I'm sitting in Bill Banks office with a cup of coffee
in my hand that's cold, looking up at DX making some sort of gesture toward their crotch, what the hell is the matter with Bill Banks?
WWFLive2: Oops, Bill just told me to suck it!
WWFLive2: What does he mean by that?
WWFLive2: Perhaps Monica can help us out!
WWFLive2: And how about that Chris Rock anyhow.
WWFLive2: Just like he said, Bill Clinton gave Monica a job, oh
what the hell you can finish the rest. Speaking of jobs, what would I like to do to AOL at this moment, and who was that cold hearted women, Susan, that I just spoke to from AOL, who asked the questions, Did we promote, that Mr. McMahon was going to be on line tonight?
WWFLive2: That's it, I'm looking to get Bob Pitman in the ring.
How about it Bob, a Brawl for All, Pittman vs. McMahon. Knowing you, you'd probably cheat to win.
WWFLive2: It wouldn't work, just like this damn AOL isn't
WWFLive2: I have now begun to mumble to myself.
WWFLive2: I am boring myself out of my mind.
WWFLive2: Speaking of minds, what about that retarded Mankind?
How gullible is that guy anyhow, you want to talk messed up? I liked him better as Dude. At least Dude would shower regularly. Have you guys every smelled that stinky leather mask that Mankind wears. If you're anywhere in the first 10 rows, you have. It wasn't your neighbor flatulating next to you, it was Mankind's mask, Or, was it the aftermath of a Vader match? Or, was it the aftermath of a Vader match?
WWFLive2: If the canvas on the ring had not been changed in the
last month. and, Vader has been in the building, there will be an
odor. It's Vader Time. That sends shock waves through the WWF
WWFLive2: Well it's almost time for me to go train, I must say
I thoroughly enjoyed the first five minutes of our chat. which was
interactive, just like the WWF will be interactive tomorrow with the hierarchy of AOL.
WWFLive2: If I were you I would demand a Christmas gift, a
birthday card, and an autographed picture of Bob Pittman. or Susan
whatsherface? who could not solve our problem tonight.
WWFLive2: I've got two words for AOL - SUCK IT!
WWFLive2: Wait a minute, that's Bill Banks line to me earlier,
I think he stole it from somebody else.
WWFLive2: I apologize for breathing in and breathing out and
wasting your precious time, but, perhaps, we can do it again some
other time, when AOL has their shit together.
WWFLive2: Mr. M: In the immortal words of Vince McMahon I hope it was better for you then it was for me. Goodnight.