Eat if you can, tip if you must, get a refill on fries if they let you!
Howyadoon ev'rybody? This here's da hyoomin suplex machine, Taz! As many of you know, I recently left da Worl' Wrestlin' Ennertainment for da TNA Wrestlin'. I found this kid ovah dere, 'is name's S'moa Joe. Kid's got spunk, he's got heart. He r'minds me a'...well...he reminds me a'me! I've got a lotta r'spons'bilities ovah in TNA, but firs' and foremos', I been teachin' this kid Joe all I know about the wrestlin' bizness. And if there's one t'ing I know, it's eatin! In dis reoccurin' column, HERE COMES DA PLATE, I'll be sharin' some'a my best tips an' tricks and rest'rahhhnt reviews witchoo, da fine readers o'Ring Ps'chology! Witout further ado, here's my first column, Cole!
SUBWAY SAMMIDGES
If there's one t'ing I love, it's a great big sammidge! If dere's two t'ings I love, it's a great big sammidge what don't bust up yer wallet! Subway sammidges fit both'a those bills all ovah, and d'best part's dat dere's a Subway sammidges on jus'about ev'ry block! Here's some protips from TAZZ!
TIP NUMBAH ONE: Cram th'hoagies in two atta time! It saves on val'yable eatin' time!
TIP NUMBAH TWO: Whaddaya doin' wit' dat "lite ranch dressin'" crapola? Y'nevah gonna win a worl' title dat way! Spoon on da mayo by the ladleful!
TIP NUMBAH TREE: Use a slice a' pizza insteada a slice'a tomata as a toppin'!
TIP NUMBAH FOUR: When y'go to Subway sammidges ask 'em to put an extra bread around the bread containin' the sammidge! Most a' them places will do it, no chaaaaage.
(Y'see, dey chaaaage for da double-meat, but da menu makes no menchun a' double-bread! Da bread is where da REAL fattenin' up takes place, mos' people don'know dat!)
Stick to dese tips and you'll do jessssst fine, Cole! See ya back here nex' time for more "appeTAZZers" wit' me, Taz! Gotta run, I'm writin' dis offa th' "wi-fi" at th' Hometown Buffet! HERE COMES DA PLATE!