stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever
BREAK THE WALL DOOOOOOOWN
JERICHO: hey KO why did you beat me up
KO: you really th-
JERICHO: quiet
KO: but I w-
JERICHO: QUIET NOW ANSWER ME
KO: so I can talk now
JERICHO: YES
KO: you were never my friend, I used you to win, I totally would have beaten Goldberg if you weren’t there, you're lucky I didn't beat you up worse
JERICHO: well the Universe is my friend so
UNIVERSE: yep
JERICHO: Imma fight you at Mania
KO: only if it's for the US belt
JERICHO: k now fight me
KO: k
suddenly JOE
JOE: Imma beat up Jericho too
suddenly SAMI
SAMI: I have a chair
JERICHO: can I have it for a sec
SAMI: k
JERICHO and SAMI clear the ring
COLE: hey Mick Foley put KO and Sami in a match now and Jericho and Joe in one later
UNIVERSE: sure why not
insert standard KO/SAMI match, KO wins this time
ARIES: hey look at my package
UNIVERSE: YES THANK YOU WE GET THE JOKE
GRAVES: yep it’s a nice package
UNIVERSE: oh good lord
suddenly purple ropes
UNIVERSE: member CM Punk
SWANN: rematch time, can you handle this
NEVILLE: yep
NEVILLE beats up SWANN
SWANN: have a top rope and some flippiness, now pin
NEVILLE: nah, top rope superplex
SWANN: k but imma roll
NEVILLE: well that’s fine, here’s a barricade
SWANN: how bout kicks and a really big flip
NEVILLE: my turn to roll, have a submission, now tap
SWANN taps
ARIES: hey Neville you still have the belt, how bout that
NEVILLE: I still have the belt and none of the cruisers can beat me
ARIES: k but I could beat you
NEVILLE: nah, go back to commentary
ARIES: I’d rather not
ARIES punches NEVILLE who runs away
ENZO & CASS: hey look a cuppa haters
CESARO: actually this is coffee, you two really suck
ENZO attempts humor
ENZO: also you lost to Joe last week
GOOOOOOOLDBERG, GOOOOOOOOLDBERG, etc.
GOLDBERG: I have the Universal title now
UNIVERSE: member CM Punk
GOLDBERG: yep
VINCE: dammit Heyman get out there
suddenly HEYMAN
HEYMAN: Bork’s here
BORK is here, BORK and GOLDBERG stare at each other
HEYMAN: Bork says thank you in advance for the Universal belt, at Mania you’ll be Bork’s b-word
GOLDBERG: say what now
BORK F-5s GOLDBERG, BORK walks off to eat all of Chicago, GOLDBERG sweats profusely
E&C: HOW YOU DOIN, SAWWWWWWWWFT, etc.
CLUB and E&C have a rematch
ENZO: hey Cass maybe you should tag in earlier this time
CASS: sounds good
CASS beats up everyone
CASS: tag
suddenly CESARO & SHEAMUS
C&S: just here to watch
ENZO: face in peril time
CASS: not for long tho
E&C beat up CLUB, ENZO spills CESARO’s coffee, C&S beat up E&C
COLE: Ravishing Rick Rude’s going in the Hall of Fame
C&S and E&C are backstage yelling at each other
MICK: EVERYONE SHUT UP, you’re having a match next week
STEPH: Mick Foley to the principal’s office please
MICK: k
suddenly purple ropes
AKIRA and DAIVARI have a fight
AKIRA: LOUD NOISES AND FLIPPINESS
AKIRA kills DAIVARI
AKIRA: hey The Brian are you ever gonna fight me
THE BRIAN: I’ll answer that on 205 Live
NEW DAY’s here with ice cream, E tries to eat the cooler
NEW DAY: keep buying our merch so you can buy our ice cream later, we’re gonna fight the Shining Stars
STARS: also we’re here
NEW DAY kills STARS
MICK: hey Bayley, nice job defending your title last night
BAYLEY: yeah but Sasha interfering wasn’t great
MICK: but hey it doesn’t really matter that Sasha interfered, who’s gonna fight Bayley at Mania
SASHA: Imma fight Bayley at Mania
CHARLOTTE: nah imma fight Bayley at Mania, Sasha is playing Bayley and she robbed me last night
DANA: also I’m here
STEPH: yeah Sasha is obviously playing Bayley so Charlotte is going to face Bayley at Mania
UNIVERSE: MEMBER CM PUNK
BEAR: yes of course Chicago now please stop
MICK: how bout Sasha and Charlotte fight next week to see who faces Bayley
STEPH: nah but Sasha fights Bayley now and if Sasha wins then triple threat at Mania, and somehow I’m totally fine with that outcome
SASHA and BAYLEY have a fight
SASHA: shake my hand
BAYLEY: nah let’s grap instead
CHARLOTTE: I’m on commentary, Sasha is obviously manipulative and playing everybody
COLE, GRAVES, SAXTON: oh SURELY not
BAYLEY: have some offense
SASHA: have some right back
BAYLEY: pin
SASHA: nah, pin
BAYLEY: nah, pin
this goes on for a while
SASHA: bank statement
BAYLEY: nah
SASHA: how bout now
CHARLOTTE: Imma interfere
DANA: me too, I’m helping
SASHA: nah, even more bank statement
BAYLEY taps, CHARLOTTE kills everyone
CHARLY: hey Roman, Braun says he’s gonna beat you up, how bout that
ROMAN: guess I’ll see him later tonight
ROLLINS is rehabbing
ROLLINS: Imma be at Mania
HHH is on the Tron
COLE: hey HHH, Rollins wants to be at Mania, how bout that
HHH: our doctors are awesome, they say Rollins shouldn’t go to Mania so he probably shouldn’t, I’m also awesome, if Rollins calls me out at Mania imma kill him
suddenly an EMMA video
EMMA: Dark Emma coming soon
BEAR marks out furiously, UNIVERSE collectively shrugs
JOE and JERICHO have a fight
JOE: Imma kill you
JERICHO: nah
JOE: coquina clutch
JOE kills JERICHO, then comes back to kill him aga-
JERICHO: hey Bear don’t write things for me before they happen
BEAR: did you just break down the fourth wall
JERICHO: that’s kinda my thing, anyway Joe gets a codebreaker
what JERICHO said
a large amount of beef enters
BRAUN: HEY ROMAN GET OUT HERE AND FIGHT ME
GONG
and
a
really
long
entrance
and
then
TAKER
stares
down
BRAUN
BRAUN: yeah no thank you
suddenly ROMAN
ROMAN: hey Taker, leave
TAKER kills ROMAN, ROMAN does not overcome things
COLE: well Taker’s fighting Roman at Mania now
UNIVERSE: oh