stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever
VIDEO: member how last Monday Mick tried to fire Steph and HHH said nah and then suddenly the mandible claw and then suddenly a low blow and then suddenly Seth fought HHH and then HHH killed Seth
UNIVERSE: wow yeah a lot happened there
here’s MICK
MICK: I will now read this prepared statement, thanks Steph and HHH, sorry bout the mandible claw, imma take a leave of absence WAIT THIS IS BULL
MICK’s mic cuts out, MICK yells stuff into nearest ring mic, suddenly STEPH
STEPH: YOU’RE FIIIIIIIIIIIRED
suddenly SAMI for some reason
SAMI: this is indeed bull
STEPH: this was not a smart decision, leave
SAMI: I don’t do the smart thing
BEAR: you’re not wrong
suddenly JOE
STEPH: Sami gets to fight Joe
SAMI: k rope dive
JOE: oh are we starting
JOE beats up SAMI
JOE: please die
SAMI: nah
JOE: why won’t you die
SAMI: that’s my entire gimmick
this goes on for a while
SAMI: I totally still have a chance to win
JOE: coquina clutch
SAMI: k
SAMI takes a nap
UNIVERSE: wait that was just the Fastlane match again wasn’t it
MICK: thanks for standing up for me Sami
SAMI: dude Mick I’m real sad about you leaving even though you kept stopping me from wrestling a few months ago
CESARO, SHEAMUS, BAYLEY: yeah bye Mick, have some hugs
suddenly HHH
HHH: HAFFA NICE DAY
MICK: k
MICK leaves
COLE: hey Seth’s doc, Seth’s rehabbing, how bout that
DOC: Seth’s recovering fast
COLE: is Seth gonna be at Mania
DOC: oh SURELY not no doc in ALL OF MERICA would EVER clear him to do that
BEAR: yeah it’s totally happening
suddenly upbeat 2001: A Space Odyssey music, CHARLOTTE and DANA have a fight
DANA: I am quite upset, have some offense
CHARLOTTE: k need a minute
DANA: k, now have a pin
CHARLOTTE: nah
DANA: well then have more offense
CHARLOTTE: nah, have chops
UNIVERSE: WE WANT PAIGE
VINCE: NAH YOU’RE SMARKS
UNIVERSE: NAH JUST BORED
CHARLOTTE: fine, pin
CHARLOTTE wins
STEPH: hey Bayley wanna hug
BAYLEY: nah, you suck in general
STEPH: you get to fight Nia later with no DQ, if Nia wins she joins the fight at Mania
JERICHO: the Universe is my friend, here’s some dirt on KO
UNIVERSE: k
JERICHO: so KO wore a Y2J shirt when he was 16, when he came into the WWE he got all up in my DMs, but he’s a stupididiot so imma beat him at Mania
UNIVERSE: wait is that it
JERICHO: also KO just made the li-
suddenly JOE
JERICHO: well hi
JOE: a stupididiot says what
JERICHO: wh - oh come on Bear that’s not nice
suddenly KO
KO: oh look a yummy list
KO eats LIST and kills JERICHO
suddenly purple ropes
THE BRIAN: shake my hand
TJ: k
THE BRIAN: PSYCH
TJ: not cool, have some flippiness
THE BRIAN: nah, pin
TJ: k
THE BRIAN: hey Akira I have your passport so you can’t come to Merica
BEAR: wait does Akira live in Japan and if so how did he get on the plane to go back there without his passp – oh wait this is wrestling
INTERVIEWER: hey Roman, you’re gonna fight Braun tonight but also Taker at Mania, how bout that
ROMAN: imma beat them cause this is my yard
here’s some filler video bout GOLDBERG/BORK
STEPH: hey Cesaro and Sheamus, you fight GoodBros and Zo&C in a handicap match tonight, if you lose you don’t go to Mania, HAFFA NICE DAY
BAYLEY and NIA have a fight, CHARLOTTE and SASHA watch Random Backstage TVs
BAYLEY: wanna have the same match we usually do
NIA: but muh no DQ
BAYLEY: fiiiiiine a few barricade and chair spots
NIA: yay
then NIA wins
BOW DOWN TO THE, BOW DOWN TO THE KING
COLE: hey HHH, Doc said Seth can’t compete at Mania, how bout that
HHH: I wanna fight Seth at Mania even though I told him he shouldn’t fight me at Mania a few weeks ago, the Universe cheers for guys when they do things that get them hurt, it happened to Mick and it happened last week to Seth
COLE: hey HHH, you used to like Seth, how bout that
HHH: I made things way too easy on Seth, I was his crutch then I beat him with a crutch, see how clever I am, here’s some nosebleed tickets for Seth at Mania, bye
HHH: oh wait hey imma draw up an agreement for an unsanctioned match at Mania and Seth can sign it, unless he’s a coward
COLE: neat
CESARO & SHEAMUS have a fight against GOODBROS and ZO&C
ZO&C: HOW YOU DOIN, SAWWWWWWFT, etc.
GOODBROS: you done
GOODBROS kill ZO&C
CASS: not cool
CASS kills ANDERSON, SHEAMUS pins him, ZO&C kill GOODBROS
NEW DAY: Mania’s gonna be cool
E: MAN BUCK ALL THAT
NEW. DAY shills. NEW. DAY shills.
suddenly purple ropes
TONY: imma beat you up so you can look strong for Mania
ARIES: k now imma beat you so I can look strong for Mania
that’s what happens, suddenly NEVILLE
NEVILLE: I could beat you up now but imma beat you at Mania
ARIES: nah imma beat you at Mania
DARK EMMA: coming soon btw
more filler GOLDBERG/BORK video
INTERVIEWER: hey Braun, you’re gonna fight Roman, h-
BRAUN: nah imma kill Roman
DUM DUM, DUM DUM, DUM DUM, DUMB DUMB
ROMAN: time to look strong
BRAUN: but I am very big, time to beat you up so you can overcome things
ROMAN: time to overcome thi-
BRAUN: nah not yet
ROMAN: superman punches, time to overcome thi-
GONG
BRAUN: oh look it’s Taker, maybe I can beat him up
TAKER: nah
ROMAN: time to overcome things
ROMAN overcomes things
TAKER: nah imma sit up and do the throat-slash thing
ROMAN does not overcome things