WWE Friday Night SmackDown hit the SyFy airwaves last night (March 28, 2014) from Boston, Massachusetts, with a taped show featuring all the latest build to the WrestleMania 30 pay-per-view (PPV) extravaganza early next month in New Orleans, Louisiana.
Click here for full results and the live blog from the show if you missed it. Let's get to reactions. These were written as the show moved along with real time reactions to everything that occurred hour-by-hour.
HOUR ONE
- I have said and will continue to say that Batista is, without a doubt, the greatest douche bag heel in WWE history. He oozes that machismo bullshit you would see from a muscle bound asshole at a party who has the bimbo females hanging on him and everyone hates him because he thinks all those things make him better than you. It's not true, but so many think it is it becomes accepted as truth. It's fun to hate this man.
- You know what else is great? Triple H rolling with this reality era schtick, even if he stole it -- everything's stolen anyway, right -- because it leads to great things like his playing off the fact that, well, yes, he is married to the boss's daughter and, yes, he has all the power everyone thinks he does. That means he's going to bury the ever loving shit out of everybody, and he's going to laugh in your face while he's doing it because, again, he has that power and there's nothing you can do about it. There actually is, though, and that's what will make it great when someone -- cough, Daniel Bryan, cough -- does something about it. Plus, it's such a tired talking point it's nice that WWE is just getting it out there and using it to make money by having Triple H embrace it.
- Analysis on The Shield from my (mostly) mark brother: "I buy Roman Reigns immediately and Dean Ambrose can sell me but what does Seth Rollins have? It's fun to watch him wrestle but he needs another wrinkle." Agree with that, Cagesiders?
- Not necessarily the first time it's happened, and no one is perfect, but Ambrose and Drew McIntyre were really sloppy during their time in the ring together. Considering the fact that they're on opposite ends of the spectrum within the company right now, I imagine McIntyre gets the blame, but it was ugly either way. Part of the problem is the high bar The Shield set for itself.
- I can't tell you how much I appreciate Ryback's suspended standing suplex almost always getting countered by whomever is held up in it. That's how it should be. That move should only ever hit in a match that runs long and the opponent is too tired to work his way out. Basic match psychology dictates the counter damn near every time.
- There are suicide dives and then there's Seth Rollins dishing out aerial ass whoopings. I hope he wrestles for another 10 years never goes through any spells like Damien Sandow or Sin Cara or The Miz. He's too good for all that.
- You know what else is great? The Shield are so clearly far and away above the rest of the tag team division that they should never be made to look any lesser than the rest and they never have been. At no point has WWE done much of anything to even attempt to go the opposite direction. That's strong booking for a young team of potentially big singles stars. It also serves the purpose of the story that when they act in unison, they're unstoppable. WWE deserves so much credit for the way this trio has been booked, and keep in mind it's been this way since late 2012. Some, like Bryan Alvarez at the Wrestling Observer, have floated the idea of having Reigns break away and maintain a long unbeaten streak until he challenges Undertaker at WrestleMania in a streak vs. streak match. The fact that that doesn't sound far fetched, or like a bad idea, shows how well The Shield have been booked.
- Has Damien Sandow now fallen so far that John Cena no longer gets credit for giving him that great match when he beat him on Sandow's Money in the Bank cash in attempt? Getting rolled up by Sin Cara in two mintues in a nothing time slot on SmackDown? That's rough.
- JBL can be grating on commentary, for sure, but I couldn't help but be mildly entertained by his cutting a promo on Scooby Doo biting a security guard backstage at Raw this past week and said security guard needing rabies shots. It works because it's just as ridiculous as a giant fucking dog walking around on two feet at a wrestling show taking pictures with people.
- Why was Big Show talking like Christian Bale's Batman during his interview with Renee Young?
- The Fandango-Goldust feud has been incredibly underwhelming, played up for comedy, given next to no time to get over, and featured mediocre to bad wrestling so far. Are we already past that really fun period with the Rhodes brothers having awesome tag team matches? I love pro wrestling for the stories it tells, but these are two I would rather see just wrestling to watch good matches then weak attempts at lame angles like what we're getting.
HOUR TWO
- While Batista struggles with his gas tank, I love the idea of his heeling it up by slowing down the match with little bullshit tricks like sticking his head through the ropes and demanding the referee get Sheamus away from him, then using the ropes to stretch before engaging with weak collar and elbow tie ups. Also good? Dying on a shoulder block, the first real move of the match, then rolling out of the ring and laughing about it. How can you not love hating this guy? I might be ready to call him the best heel on the roster right now, mostly because he doesn't try to alternate like Stephanie and Triple H sometimes do. He's all douche bag all the time. It's glorious.
- I'm pretty sure Batista shouted "OW" for each of Sheamus' big forearms through the ropes. This man is awesome.
- I'm just going to go ahead and print Bray Wyatt's promo again in this space because it was that damn good. "You give a man a mask and he will reveal his true face. Nobody is innocent, John. They're all guilty. They've all worn a mask at some point or another. Whether it was to hide their own wrongdoings or fit into a social scene, it makes no difference. But there is a problem. The problem is if you hide behind the mask for too long it becomes you. Then, to remove this mask is to remove your own skin. I have broken you, John. I have broken you! My sword has left a scar on your soul that can never heal. And tonight this sword will slay a giant, a gift for you John. Can't you hear her calling your name? Can't you hear her sweet song serenading your mind? I'll never forget what she said to me the first time she sang to me. 'All secrets will come to light underneath the shade of the cypress tree."
- Vickie Guerrero coming out to do commentary during the Divas tag team match makes very little sense unless she was only there to announce the match type of the Divas Championship Invitational at WrestleMania 30. So what did she say when Michael Cole literally asked just that? "That's for me to know and you to find out". This was so stupid. They continued trying to hype the match with Vickie smiling all big and saying, "yeah, guys, it's the Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational"! That would be fine if that meant anything at all. Cole actually had the best response to this, which was to make fun of her for not announcing anything by saying he hopes she gets around to it before WrestleMania so he can know what match to call. It's criminal how little WWE cares about its women's division.
- COME OOOOOONNNNNNNNNN, BOSTON! BRIE MODDDDDDDEEEEEEE!
- Well, we got our wish, Cagesiders. WWE is not, in fact, going ahead with a budding romance between Emma and Santino Marella, or at least it appears they're going away from it. That is absolutely the right call, though Emma is still being positioned as more of a joke character in the same vein as Santino. Progress is progress though, right?
- Somewhat surprised as Jack Swagger getting booked to tap Jimmy Uso clean with the Patriot Act in the center of the ring, but basic booking is all the tag team division needs right now. When Swagger won, the cameras cut away to Cesaro and Zeb Colter doing a fist pump and celebrating ringside like 'yeah, we got one'. Just a simple little confidence boosting win in a short match that won't mean anything tomorrow but serves its purpose for now. The only problem is it's so forgettable, which could be the point.
- "Undertaker ... let's ... do ... thIIIISSSSSSS!" The one time the Raw recap isn't unwelcomed. Brock Lesnar is such an awesome pro wrestler.
- The Miz gets owned by celebrities on Raw then tries to bounce back against Mark Henry and the commentary team makes sure to bring it up. It's like they don't want him to be a threat in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Then they had him throw Mark Henry over the top rope and point at the sign, showing that this wrestler who couldn't hang with Joe Celebrity and two geriatric old men can, in fact, beat "The World's Strongest Man" in a battle royal setting. At least they followed up with Henry getting pissed and rag dolling Miz into the steel steps, the barricade, and finally back in the ring with the "World's Strongest Slam". You can't have Miz get beat up by Joe Celebrity and then have him beat Mark Henry. You just can't do that.
- You know what's going to be interesting to watch? The evolution of Bray Wyatt. He's got some babyface characteristics and part of his act is already getting over with the crowd to the point that they are going along with it despite his heel status and opposition to the top good guy stars. He even got "let's go Wyatt" chants during his match with Big Show. But how much mileage can they get out of the character he currently exists as?
- Show vs. Wyatt wasn't much of a match from a workrate standpoint but I loved the psychology of it. Bray begging to be hurt and Show obliging him with aplomb. Wyatt even giving Show props for his offense halfway through, appreciating the pain he can dish out. This was great. It was made better by Wyatt winning the match, proving that it does not, in fact, matter how much you hurt him because he's never really hurt. This also felt like old school WWF wrestling, just two big old bastards going at it.
FINAL THOUGHTS
You have to know what you're getting going in with SmackDown. It's always going to be the "B" show, so it doesn't get the same attention by way of big money angles. The ratings just aren't strong enough to justify it. But it's a good enough show, and that's what this was.
Grade: C+
That's it from me, Cagesiders. Now it's your turn to sound off in the comments section below with all your thoughts on last night's show. How did you like it, if you liked it at all?