WWE SmackDown comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (May 3, 2013) from Detroit, Michigan, with a taped show on the SyFy channel; featuring The Shield, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Ryback, Dolph Ziggler, Big E Langston, AJ Lee, Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Randy Orton, Damien Sandow, and more!
If you're the impatient type and wish to read full spoilers for the show you can find out exactly what goes down by clicking here.
Either way, come back here at 8 p.m. ET for the SmackDown live blog.
WWE SMACKDOWN RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG FOR MAY 3
Broadcast is live.
Naturally, we start with a video replay of The Shield winning on Monday Night Raw earlier this week.
Ryback's music hits and massive boos can be heard. There is absolutely no way they aren't piping most of that noise in. He doesn't get anything close to a response like this on Raw. It's downright comical how much they're overdoing it here.
He grabs a mic and talks about how it's the law of the jungle around here and the bigger, stronger, and faster always eat the weak. That would be John Cena, of course, and also, Ryback Rules.
Daniel Bryan's music hits and all the boos rapidly turn to cheers. That sounds piped in as well but the chances are much better that he's getting a legitimate reaction because, you know, people actually have genuine feeling for Bryan.
Ryback vs. Daniel Bryan
The reviews for this have stated it's the best Ryback match of his entire career. He's certainly got the right dance partner here. We'll see how he does.
Bryan's always good with psychology, and he's got the match laid out the way it should be: Ryback is the brute and he is the quicker, more agile competitor who uses that to his advantage with spurts of explosive offense. Eventually, though, he keeps getting caught up by "Big Hungry's" impossibly powerful embrace.
And then he gets tossed around like a rag doll.
To give Ryback a great deal of credit here, he's selling really well when the time is right for him to do so. His size and strength was eventually too much for Bryan to overcome. He hit multiple powerbombs by picking up Bryan from a prone position before the Meathook Clothesline led to the Shell Shock to get the pin.
Another review from Raw this week, this time showcasing the triple threat match between the various managers in the world heavyweight title scene. You know, the one that led to Alberto Del Rio choosing the match stipulation for the world title match at Extreme Rules.
Now time for an interview with Ricardo Rodriguez. He's super nervous and excited, enough so that he kisses Renee Young on the cheek.
Del Rio shows up to calm him down and leads him away.
Fandango is advertised as being next. At least on SmackDown they can try to cover up how much he's not getting over.
Zack Ryder vs. Fandango
Ryder got the jobber's entrance and dear god, I can't get over how obviously piped in all the noise is on this show. Fandango getting massive heat he never manages to get on live shows. I mean, you saw that Great Khali segment on Raw.
Slow, slow death.
Josh Matthews on commentary is putting over Ryder growing his hair out because he wants to be taken more seriously in the ring. Not that it matters, because he's still using the "woo, woo, woo" gimmick and still jobbing out to anyone and everyone.
Indeed, Fandango used his top rope leg drop to get the finish.
Kaitlyn walking backstage with some roses. Natalya and Khali are hanging out and asking about the roses she's carrying. Kaitlyn reads off a poem that was written for her and she fawns over it.
She doesn't know why she likes that kind of thing, but she does.
Natalya says Khali has some good advice for her because he gives the best advice. He says ... something. I have no idea what it was he said because his English is so awful and his accent so thick.
The announcers make fun of it, of course.
Any guesses as to who Kaitlyn's secret admirer will turn out to be? If WWE holds true to its nature, Hornswoggle is probably the leading candidate.
They advertised a replay before a commercial break. This is why SmackDown can be a drag sometimes.
The replay was worth it, though, because it was an emotional look at John Cena's charity work with Make-A-Wish and the wish they granted a few kids on Raw this week.
Hate WWE all you want, this was cool.
Interview with Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger. Colter says he was sick on Raw this past week, had vertigo and a fever and was doing awful, but he's a hero because he got up and went to work because that's what a good American would do.
His performance was one of the single most inspiring moments in history, folks.
What really hurts him the most, though, was his ultimate victory was awarded to an illegal immigrant. Ricardo Rodriguez is guilty of theft, really, and he could call the police if he wanted to but he won't do that. He wants to take care of the situation himself.
And there will be no taint on his victory because real Americans play fair, unlike that illegal immigrant.
Swagger doesn't end up saying anything. Colter even says the "We the people" part normally reserved for old Jack.
Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter
Dolph Ziggler is going to be doing commentary for this match and he's got AJ Lee sitting in his lap while Big E. Langston stands next to them holding the world heavyweight title.
Rodriguez and Colter don't get much of any time to do any work before Swagger jumps in and clotheslines Rodriguez. This leads to a disqualification and Del Rio jumping in to run off Swagger.
The ring clears and sure enough, Teddy Long's music hits and guess what he does?
TAG TEAM MATCH, PLAYA PLAYA PLAYA PLAYA PLAYA PLAYA PLAYA.
Ricardo Rodriguez & Alberto Del Rio vs. Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger
The match doesn't get much of anywhere, at least not on television thanks to a commercial break, before Ziggler and company get involved.
Guess what happens next?
That's right, Long comes out and makes it a triple threat tag team match.
Ricardo Rodriguez & Alberto Del Rio vs. Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger vs. Dolph Ziggler & Big E. Langston
During the course of the match, Matthews compares Big E. to Barry Sanders. I know you're in Detroit and all but come on, now.
As these matches so often do, everything broke down into chaos, eventually ending in Del Rio tapping Ziggler with the Cross Armbreaker.
Remember, in WWE land, the champion needs to lose in non-title matches to make him vulnerable when it actually is a title match. I wonder if Ziggler will end his title reign having lost more often than he won?
We cut backstage to the camera not focused on anything in particular. We here a tussle, though, and suddenly the camera moves to reveal The Shield.
Dean Ambrose: "Don't it just break your heart when your champions become chumps?"
They proceed to cut a promo on Kane and Undertaker. They say by the end of the night, Kane will "believe in The Shield" before walking off and leaving the camera in a position to reveal Daniel Bryan beaten and on the floor coughing.
Well done little pre-tape.
After a commercial break, paramedics attend to Bryan, who is selling being seriously injured.
Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow
Orton appears to be growing his hair out and he looks thicker than he has in some time. Maybe even a little chubby relative to how he's looked throughout much of his career.
Not that that means anything.
Sandow was in control for nearly the entire match before Orton made his comeback, hit the draping DDT, and followed up with the RKO to get the pinfall.
The post-match sees Big Show come out with a microphone.
"You have got to be the most amazing competitor in one-on-one competition. You're amazing to watch compete. The problem with you is you're not much of a team player, are you? It's all about Randy Orton, isn't it?"
Yeah, pretty much.
Show says if it wasn't for Orton being so selfish, they would have beaten The Shield at WrestleMania 29 and "The Viper" wouldn't have gotten knocked out.
Sandow creeps in and hits his finisher. Show laughs hysterically before saying there won't be anything funny about what he does to Orton at Extreme Rules.
So I guess that match is booked then?
Back to the trainer's room and Kane walks out, obviously in distress. Matt Striker wants an update on Bryan's condition.
Kane says he's going to make The Shield pay for what they did to Daniel and he's going to make them pay for what they did to Undertaker. He knows sooner or later they're going to get him down and keep him down but he's going to take as many of them down with him as he can.
"We're going on a little journey to a place called hell."
I love that The Shield is now being pushed as the main event program on the blue brand ahead of guys like Orton, Show, and Sheamus.
Mark Henry is out for an arm wrestling match against Sheamus.
They actually manage to make it pretty damn compelling while maintaining the belief that they weren't just hamming it up. They made it look legit and Henry ended up putting Sheamus down with his right hand.
So Sheamus grabs the mic and says they should do it with the left arm.
Henry goes to walk away but Sheamus says he's scared and that brings him back. They do a long tease before finally getting ready to roll. Once the ref says go, Sheamus uses his right hand to sucker punch Henry in the head before hitting him with the Brogue Kick.
That's the babyface, ladies and gentlemen. The good guy in all this.
JBL rightfully points out that Sheamus should be ashamed of himself for finding a cheap way to get over because he couldn't do it on his own merits.
Time for a replay of last week when The Shield took out Undertaker. The main event is next.
Kane vs. Dean Ambrose
Reigns comes out with one of the tag team championship belts. Obviously it's the one they stole from Bryan when they beat him down earlier.
Oh, man. During Kane's entrance, Reigns stands in the ring and lets the belt swing back and forth with a wicked smile on his face. That's awesome. This group is so good at all the little things. And the big things, too.
Kane ends up clearing out both Reigns and Seth Rollins, however, before climbing in the ring to commence his match with Ambrose.
The match is nothing to write home about, though Rollins and Reigns reappear to make it interesting. Kane pays homage to his brother with a throat slash before going for a tombstone but he ends up having to fight off the entire group.
He does just that but ends up in the ring with Ambrose getting the upper hand on him and just like that, he gets the pinfall.
The Shield win again.
After the match, Kane stands up in the ring and challenges the group to come at him (bro). They do and he holds them off at first but the numbers game catches up to him soon enough. Then he makes a brief comeback, managing to avoid the triple powerbomb for a moment before Reigns hits the spear and they end up getting it anyway.
Such good booking for this crew. I hope this lasts forever.
Ambrose goes out and grabs both tag team titles. He brings them in the ring and The Shield hold them high while standing over Kane.
"There they are. Get used to it," JBL tells us.
The show fades away zooming in on a beaten Kane.