WWE Monday Night Raw comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (Dec. 2, 2013) from the Chesapeake Energy Arena in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, featuring all the latest build to the upcoming TLC pay-per-view (PPV) scheduled for just under two weeks from this evening in Houston, Texas.
Advertised for tonight: Stuff. Things.
Come right back here at 8 p.m. ET when the Raw live blog kicks off once the show starts on USA. It will be below this line here.
WWE RAW RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG FOR DEC. 2
Rex here. Time to mark out with our snark out.
CM Punk starting things off with us tonight.
Punk doesn't really want to get himself involved with the Authority.
He states that HHH has to be smart enough not to pick a fight with one of the biggest anti-authority figures in WWE history.
If they are they are d-bags according to Punk.
Stephanie comes out and hopes everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Stephanie says that Punk should know that the McMahons are big fans of free speech.
She says its ridiculous and beneath them to have the Shield attack Punk for him calling HHH a bad name.
She says that despite Punk's ego, the Authority has bigger issues to deal with then Punk.
Punk is given the chance to air any grievances with the Director of Operations because Stephanie is fair.
Kane gives a bunch of corporate speak about an investigation that finds Punk's claims unfounded. The Authority had nothing to do with the Shield attack.
Punk calls Kane the Big Red Ass kisser.
Kane says they aren't the enemy and recommends Punk doesn't continue down this path.
Punk throws down the gauntlet and challenges Kane.
Kane starts to make his way down but Stephanie stops him.
Shield starts to make their way down but Stephanie admonishes them and says that Punk should be respected and admired as she walks off.
Kane then announces that Punk will be in a handicap match at TLC against the Shield.
Number One Contenders Match (IC Title): Dolph Ziggler vs Damien Sandow
Results: Sandow wins by pinfall
- Big E on commentary
- The selling of these two is quite fantastic
- Sandow knocking Ziggler off the turnbuckle
- Ziggler dodging a Sandow neck breaker and turning it into a Fameasser
- Sandow wins with the You're Welcome
- Really short match for a Number One Contenders Match
- Sandow chilling in between the ropes and staring down Big E post match
Tamina, Summer, and AJ vs The Bellas and Natalya
Results: Natalya and the Bellas win by pinfall
- Summer stretching out her leg on top of Brie's head to choke her in the ropes
- Summer and Brie with bad botch on a sunset flip
- Natalya with a big lariat
- Not really a highlight but AJ skipped around for the majority of the match before finally tagging in
- Natalya catching a AJ sidekick into a Sharpshooter that got broken up by Tamina
- Bellas with a double dropkick to Tamina
- Natalya with a roll up to thankfully end it
BAD NEWS BARRETT! HE HAS HIS OWN PODIUM!
The good news is that we are live at Raw, but we are in a building of redneck hicks and slobs who are so dumb they had to name their city after the state.
A huge BAD NEWS stamp graphic when he is done.
Orton threatens Maddox in the back and makes the claim that he is bigger than the WWE.
So Bryan is having a match with Rowan. No explanation for how he escaped the Wyatts.
Scratch that they just mentioned that Bryan was found in a ditch after Raw and they are also stating that Wyatt made an offer to join them but BRyan turned it down.
Daniel Bryan vs Erik Rowan
Result: Bryan wins by pinfall
- Bryan using leg kicks as a distraction so he can slip around behind for a sleeper hold
- Bryan holding on for dear life during the sleeper hold
- Rowan with his lumbering strikes and slams
- Bryan using the leg kicks to drop Rowan low enough for attempts at the Yes! Lock
- Rowan catching Bryan as he comes flying off the apron and performing a 360 slam into the barrier
- Brutal clothesline from Rowan and then puts him into the stairs
- Rowan catching Bryan mid air again and hitting a huge fall away slam
- Bryan flying dropkick off the top rope
- Rowan with a big boot to Bryan when he goes up the top rope again
- Rowan tries to follow up as he presses Bryan but Bryan counters it with a roll up for the win
Bryan in the back and he runs into Korporate Kane.
Kane congratulates him on his win and says that now he is teaming with Punk (since Kane has more important things to do) he must face the same challenge as him. Kane books Bryan in a handicap match against the Wyatts.
Kane with a small mocking of the Yes! chants.
Xavier Woods and R-Truth vs Tons of Funk
Lethal Consequences Woods and Truth win by pinfall
- Tons of Funk have become 250% funkier
- Tensai being a hoss against Truth
- Springboard inbetween the ropes from Tensai to Truth
- Brodus has dinosaur spikes on his singlet
- Woods using his speed and agility to get the better of Brodus
- Woods with a roll up after hitting the Honor Roll
- Brodus is furious after the match
Del Rio says he is going to beatdown Sin Cara and then have INS send Sin Cara back to Mexico
Alberto Del Rio vs Sin Cara
Result: Sin Cara wins by pinfall
- Sin Cara moonsault from the apron to ADR
- Del Rio with plenty of stiff shots to Sin Cara
- Sin Cara with a nice hurricarana
- Sin Cara dodges a Del Rio enziguiri as he is on the top rope and hits the Swnaton for the pinfall.
John Cena talking about the history and the meaning of both titles with Renee Young but how a new era must emerge with a unified title.
Shield handicam promo. They each state that Punk couldn't beat them solo (with that Muay Thai crap as Rollins put it) and that against all three its going to be a slaughter.
The Shield vs Rhodes Bros and Big Show
Result: Shield wins by pinfall
- Ambrose selling Show's chops like death. Fantastic
- Rollins quickly getting handled by Show and tagging in Reigns
- Reigns starring face to face with Show before attempting to punch out Show
- Reigns eating some chops of his own
- Ambrose coming in like a wild man and gaining a quick advantage before eating a press slam from the top
- Rollins yelling that you have to pull on Show's beard
- Goldust tagging himself in and throwing together some fun chain wrestling with Ambrose and Rollins
- Cody whipping Rollins into the corner and then hitting a backbody drop off the rebound
- Cody moonsault to Ambrose
- Ambrose jumping like a maniac out of the way of a Rhodes tackle in the corner as things head to the first break
- Ambrose making a pretzel out of Rhodes' various limbs
- Rollins beating on and taunting Rhodes in the corner
- Big Show with the hot tag but Reigns beasts him out of the ring to regain the momentum
- Shield quick tagging in the corner to keep Show trapped and down
- Reigns goes for a big jumping forearm but gets hit with a chokeslam
- Ambrose and Rollins running wild on the Rhodes Bros
- They go for a tag team maneuver but Show pulls the rope down that sends Ambrose to the outside
- Show goes for a chokeslam on Ambrose but eats a spear from Reigns!
- Rhodes off the top rope with a big splash to the outside on Reigns
- Goldust with a superplex to Ambrose but Rollins is the legal man and takes advantage to pin Goldust!
Renee Young with CM Punk. She asks him about the handicap match and he acts overjoyed.
Now he is singing I Feel Pretty. Ok......
Then Punk gets serious and says he knows he is going down but how many members of the Shield will he take down with him.
Bad News Barrett again!
We celebrated Thanksgiving but now due to our intake our arteries are clogged, we sweat when we eat, and we are all constipated.
The Miz and Kofi vs Axel and Ryback
Result: Ryback and Axel win by pinfall
Los Matadores doing the Don West gimmick for Cyber Monday.
El Torrito speaks. It's muffled Spanish but he speaks.
Mark Henry vs Fandango
Result: Henry wins by pinfall
- Henry just ragdolling Fandango and busting out some dance moves in between
- Fandango dodges a splash and just starts pouncing like a mad man
- DDT to a kneeling Henry
- Henry catching Fandango off the top rope but the momentum carried over to a pin attempt from Fandango
- World's Strongest Slam for the Henry win
- Summer's indignation at Henry's dance moves throughout the evening
Zeb is indignant at Titus' puking from Smackdown.
Real Americans vs Prime Time Players
Result: Real Americans win by pinfall
- Mostly typical action until the Cesaro swing
- Cesaro swing that Zeb has him stop after a few so that Titus doesn't throw up again
- Cesaro hides from Titus until Titus stumbles over and gets the tag from Young
- Huge throw from Young to Cesaro and then a great German Suplex
- Young off the top rope into an uppercut for the win!
The WWE App vote shows that the fans want the winner to be called the Unified Champion
Lots of entrances for the contract signing.
HHH lists off all the big names in the industry that have held the titles.
He says that the decision to unify has been in the works for a while.
Orton starts talking himself up and his legacy.
He tries to make a comparison between himself and Cena.
Cena won't stand for that comparison.
He criticizes Orton for wasting so much of the oppurtunity given to him as part of being a legacy and his relationship with HHH.
He says that he never asked to be the face. He just shows up first and leaves last.
He throws down the gauntlet and Orton responds.
Their makes it to the outside and Cena uses the barrier and the steel steps to his advantage.
Orton makes his way back to the ring and uses a ladder to gain the upper hand.
Orton then goes to town with a chair on Cena.
Orton sets up a table but Cena is able to take advantage and hits the AA onto the table.
Cena finishes the night by raising both titles high in the air above a downed Orton as the Authority looks on.