Hardy! Aries! Roode! Daniels! Storm! Angle! Joe! Magnus! Van Dam! Bully! #1 Contender! TNA World Heavyweight Championship!
Last week (Feb. 14), eight wrestlers were booked in singles matches in order to impress Hulk Hogan. The one who showed the most pizzazz would earn the #1 Contendership to Jeff Hardy's TNA World Heavyweight Championship. Each man would show off everything he had in the ring to earn this highest honor.
So what were the outcomes of those matches?
James Storm with a clean victory over Rob Van Dam, Magnus with a clean victory over Christopher Daniels, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode earned a double count out, and Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle were interrupted by the gang that shall be named.
Because throwing a shenanigans into half the matches makes perfect sense, and having the best star of the group in Daniels lose is just as smart.
Oh, and Bully Ray was added to the consideration because he's banging the boss' daughter. I'm sure Hulk judged his work rate appropriately.
I know TNA has had worst times in its ten year history. Hell, some of the Impact Zone faithful are probably laughing at how much we bitch about the show today. But it's still painful to get through the worst parts of Impact Wrestling. There is no reason dumb booking like this should be going on.
The toughest part is I can't see an end in sight.
I'm actually a fan of the Hulk/Brooke Hogan/Bully angle. When it comes at the expense of legitimate and consistent booking, though, it becomes little more than a loogie in the fans' eyes. There's no reason why a side angle like that needs to upstage the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.
Did you forget that TNA had a championship? Because the belt hasn't been seen for the past month.
Due to Hardy's felony convictions, the fine border patrol of the United Kingdom have refused to let him enter their shores. So instead of doing the logical thing and have him drop the strap for the tour, TNA has decided to "stick with their guy."
Which means they are so desperate to have him re-sign with the company he's not going to lost the belt until 2021.
Again, I actually enjoy Hardy as champion. He's a weird guy, but he has been making it work so far. But when you are holding the storyline hostage to your own personal issues -- and that is exactly what is happening here -- there's a point when someone in charge has to act like an adult.
The promotion's highest title hasn't been seen on television for a month. That is completely unacceptable no matter the circumstances around it.
This specifically is not going to be a problem when TNA comes back stateside. But it just shows the lack of foresight and common sense involved in running a pro wrestling company. Problems like this should be completely avoidable if those in charge give even the slightest thought to what they are doing.
If you knew Hardy couldn't go overseas, make him drop the belt. If that was really not an option, then you spend this month building up a #1 Contender. Right now, TNA has done either.
And it's pathetic.
Who's been built up as a legitimate challenger? The entire card has been made to look like complete buffoons of late. Daniels keeps bumping his head on the glass ceiling. Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle are caught up in some gang that shall not be named bull-crap. Storm has fallen hard to the midcard. Magnus is...well, Magnus.
The only guys who could believable challenge for the title are Aries and Roode, and they are off being awesome on their own terms.
So we have wrestlers at the top being selfish, wrestlers in the midcard unable to break out, bookers in the back to [explicit] stupid to get out of their own way, and a trio of Hogan, Sting, and Dixie Carter who don't understand the basics of running a successful promotion.
Yes, dear Cagesiders, welcome to TNA in 2013. Things do not look all that pretty.
The! Gang! That! Shall! Not! Be! Named!
The gang that shall not be named will do something stupid. Everyone will hate it. That is all I'm going to say about it.
Everything Else! Bullet Points!
The Knockouts Championship will be on the line as Tara defends her title in a four-way match including Gail Kim, Velvet Sky, and Miss Tessmacher. You know what that means, Cagesiders; more Jessie!
Rob Van Dam puts his X Division Championship on the line against Kenny King. Because of course he is.
British Boot Camp winner Rockstar Spud goes one-on-one against Robbie E. Isn't that neat?
Hopefully this has prepared you for the night's festivities. Leave a comment below about what you are looking forward to, and please join the entire CSS Thursday night gang in the live blog TONIGHT!