TNA Impact Wrestling comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (Dec. 27, 2012) from the Impact Wrestling Zone in Orlando, Florida, featuring Open Fight Night.
All that's confirmed for tonight's show so far is the first ever "Bro-off" between Robbie E and Jessie and Gail Kim has promised to call out a certain Knockout, though she hasn't revealed which one. Plus, fallout from Hulk Hogan spying his daughter Brooke playing tonsil hockey with Bully Ray.
All that and more.
It all goes down tonight starting at 8 p.m. ET on Spike TV so remember to check back right here to follow along with the live blog as it all goes down.
TNA IMPACT RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG FOR DEC. 27
Broadcast is live.
The voiceover dude sounds different than he did before. It's a new guy and the old guy is the guy who did the Royal Rumble promo for WWE. How awesomely petty it would be if WWE bought the guy just because it wanted to take him away from TNA.
Neither of them have got anything on John Facenda, though.
We're starting with Bully Ray, who might have the best entrance music in TNA, though that's not saying much.
He says it's become obvious that there is no doubt that he and Hulk Hogan can not get along. Now he speaks directly to the Hulkster and says he doesn't know what he's gotta do to prove he's trustworthy. "I've got a lot of respect for you, Hulk. And since tonight is Open Fight Night, I want to call you out. But I don't want to call you out here to fight, I want to call you out here to talk."
Yeah, that's what the concept was designed for!
Hulk's music hits but he doesn't show up. Man, that's a tired gag TNA has used far too many times.
Oh okay, here comes Brooke.
Bully asks where Hulk is and she says he's not here but he knows. Ray wants to know what she's talking about and she says Hulk knows about the two of them. Bully says there's nothing to know about the two of them but Brooke says they need to go see him and take this out of here.
She wants to show Hulk that Bully is the man that she knows he is.
God, this is awful.
Ray bails out of the ring and stops before they hit the ramp to say "there's nothing to know Brooke, right?"
This is just uncomfortable because the Impact Wrestling Zone is so quiet they don't even need a microphone for us to hear their conversation. Maybe that's part of the feeling they're trying to get across and sure enough, the announcers bring up how awkward the whole thing was.
Austin Aries is out next.
He says he's not getting paid by the hour so he's going to make this short and sweet. He had Jeff Hardy dead to rights and everyone knows he should be champion and he's the real main event. But Bobby Roode screwed him over last week, so he's calling Roode out.
But no, he's not calling him out for right now, he's calling him out for the main event later tonight, the final main event of 2012. He starts putting both of them over as the two greatest professional wrestlers in the universe in a match that will determine who will take down Hardy once and for all.
The announcers slobber all over Aries promo before break.
Samoa Joe is finally healthy and he's out to pick a fight RIGHT HERE on open fight night.
Uh-oh, he's going after Aces and 8s. They're real tough hitting people from behind but let's see how tough they are fighting face-to-face. He calls out the masked man and says he's going to choke him out and then take his mask off so he can show the world the face of a cowardly moped riding bitch.
His words, not mine.
Samoa Joe vs. Masked Man
The story here was Joe dominated the match save for one brief moment when the Masked Man heeled it up with a thumb to the eye. Joe choked him out like he said he would, doing so in about three minutes.
Joe teases unmasking the dude but the Aces and 8s come in to make the save before he can.
Robbie E and Robbie T chatting it up saying "bro" a lot before Jessie walks by and they start arguing back and forth. This is the set up for Robbie E to call Jessie out for a "Bro-off" while Robbie T looks on incredulously.
His expression is that of a man who has no clue what the fuck is going on. So he's like the rest of us.
Jessie literally makes a fart sound with a thumbs down as the Robbies walk away.
Kenny King backstage praising Christian York, saying he thinks he's been doing really good.
King says he knows Rob Van Dam will call him out tonight, so York should watch him beat him to win the X Division title and if he's cool about it, King might give him a title shot.
York plays it cool but after King walks away, wonders aloud where they find these guys.
Ring of Honor, Christian. That's where they find these guys.
Here come the Robbie bros, bro. It's time for the Bro-off, bro.
Robbie E calls out "the wannabe Robbie E, the fake Robbie E, you Mr. Wannabe Jessie. Get out here so I can show you what it's like to be a real bro."
Announcers: "Wow. Well, this sure is interesting."
Jesse calls himself Mr. Pec-tacular before Robbie E gives us the rules.
1. Every bro for himself.
2. Everything you do has to end in a bro.
Robbie says he's going first since he's the veteran.
The DJ hits the music and this idiot is dancing in the ring. He is dancing in the ring with club lighting and techno music.
"Top that, bro."
Now it's Jessie's turn and he gets his music and lighting. Instead of dancing, though, he just poses and shows off his clearly natural muscles that he built simply through hard work, dedication, and proper nutrition.
Tazz actually tries to commentate this with play-by-play of the posedown. This is painful.
Jessie presses Tara above his head before saying "that's how you bro-off, dude."
Robbie E says it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be but there were two problems.
1. In a bro-off, it's bros, not hoes (pointing at Tara).
2. You're disqualified because you ended it with "dude" not "bro," bro.
"Everyone knows that's an automatic disqualification," Mike Tenay quickly says.
Robbie E goes to announce himself the winner but Robbie T cuts in and says, "There's one more bro to go."
He poses down, then presses Robbie E, before pumping his fist and dancing a bit to some new music. Oh dear god, he's doing pelvic thrusts in a push up position.
He grabs the mic, says "bro," and drops it before walking off.
I think Robbie T wins then. Robbie E, Jessie, and everyone who witnessed that are the losers.
Time for Rob Van Dam, who is presumably calling out Kenny King.
He gets on the mic and says his being champion of the X Division has elevated the talent around him, making his challengers look that much better. Or some shit like that. He says he knows everyone wants to see him against this hot new young guy who has a great moveset.
They cut to the back to show King hyping himself up and getting ready while Christian York stands in the background. Then RVD predictably says he's calling out York and King acts really upset before York rubs it in on his way out to the ring.
Rob Van Dam vs. Christian York
The story we got was York gave RVD absolutely everything he could handle, staying in control for much of the match before Van Dam hit the frog splash and got the pin to retain his title.
Not a bad way to get York over just a bit.
Aces and 8s backstage and Devon is chatting about the dude they plan on approaching. He's arrogant and cocky and hard to manage but if they go about it the right way, it's going to be a good thing for all of them.
Doc then comes out of a room with two ladies. Devon asks if this thing is going to work but Doc looks at the two girls before saying yes, it will work out just fine.
Joseph Park(s) video showcasing his training down in OVW.
Backstage segment with Christopher Daniels and Kazarian. Kaz is making sure they aren't selling merchandise of the two, which makes no sense.
Daniels comes up and says that while Christmas is over, they've still got one more present to give the whole world.
Daniels comes to the ring and cuts a promo, which is actually entertaining as shit. Then he calls out AJ Styles, saying they just meant it was the last time until the next time.
Styles comes out but it's not actually Styles, it's Kazarian wearing Styles' gear.
Kazarian starts doing a Styles impression and talking about how much better Daniels is than Styles. The crowd starts chanting "we want A-J" and Kaz says, "I'm right here."
This is great.
Once they're done, Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez come out and Chavo says they're going to end 2012 with "a foot right up your rear!"
Cheese it up, Chavo, cheese it up.
Christopher Daniels and Kazarian vs. Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez
The heels were in control early before a dip that eventually led to a hot tag from Hernandez to Chavo. He wrecked shop coming in but Daniels and Kaz took control with a double team move Todd Keneley called a "heart attack" and Tazz mocked by repeating and writing down.
The second comeback from Chavo on Kazarian got the job done for the babyfaces to retain.
Another Aces and 8s meeting. They're back there talking to the guy they wanted to meet with. A masked man says "you were right, Devon, he would bring a certain 'asshole' to the club."
They pan over and it's Mr. Anderson.
Devon is calling him Ken and offering him women while saying it would be "physical" and then even more physical. He says he's not entirely sure he would even want to do it. The ladies now on each shoulder whisper something in his ear and he changes his tune quick.
He wants some time to think about it.
Groupies gonna groupie, I guess.
That's quite the transition to the next match, which will feature the Knockouts.
Gail Kim is out and asks for a microphone. She's calling out Miss Tessmacher on the premise that 2012 was her year but Tessmacher messed all that up with her fluke win that earned her the title.
Now Kim wants to erase the memory of all that by beating her here tonight.
Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher
Good back-and-forth match with Tessmacher hamming it up big for the crowd but Kim getting the pin in the end.
Looks like the main event is up next.
Austin Aries vs. Bobby Roode
Aries faked an early injury that Roode didn't buy and the match went on. The announcers played up that these two are mirror images of each other both in personality and abilities in the ring. That's not exactly true, at least not on the latter point.
I think we can agree Aries is more talented as a wrestler.
The two get to a point where they're just trading big shots, going blow-for-blow. Roode goes heel and begs for a timeout before going for a quick pin using the ropes for leverage. Hebner catches him and stops it.
Roode complains and Aries tries a roll up but he grabs the tights like crazy and Hebner recognizes that too. These two trading under-handed moves is brilliant.
Roode tries to bring a chair in but Hebner won't let him. A big forearm gets two for Aries and now it's A-Double going for the chair.
After that, Hebner absolutely freaks out and says he's sick of both of them because they're breaking every rule in the book. The guys tell him to calm down and he continues freaking out so they kick him in the gut and send him out.
The chair remains in the ring and they race for it but Jeff Hardy's music hits and he comes in and cleans house. Orlando gets hot in a way they haven't all night. They love them some Hardy.
He stands tall as the show closes.
Fade to black.