He was tall. He was ugly. He was slow. But most of all, he was AWFUL. Debuting in WCW as El Gigante in 1990, it soon became apparent that young Jose Gonzalez had zero wrestling ability, yet he hung around for three years before Vince McMahon signed him and for some unfathomable reason thought the world needed to see an Undertaker vs Giant Gonzalez feud. Vince was wrong. The feud, though featuring the use of CHLOROFORM and the wearing of a hairy bodysuit, failed, and Gonzalez was gone 9 months later. Here's both of his PPV matches with the Undertaker. I'd tell you to enjoy the matches, but that ain't happening.

THE YETI

Yeti- n.  A hairy humanlike animal reportedly inhabiting the snows of the high Himalaya Mountains. Also called Abominable Snowman.

Nowhere in the definition of the word "Yeti" do you see anything even close to mummy-like. Nothing. And yet WCW decided to name a man dressed entirely like a mummy "The Yeti". I am left to assume that no one in power in WCW in the year 1995 had access to a dictionary. Or a globe. Or common sense. Meet yet another member of Kevin Sullivan's suckfest known as The Dungeon of Doom. The Yeti was played by 7'0 waste of sperm Ron Reis who later went on to suck as Reese in Raven's Flock. Ron Reis was really bad at pro wrestling, but at least he contributed to two of the most hilariously awful moments in WCW history. Since I love you all, I have tracked down those two moments. Have fun!

 

 

NORMAN THE LUNATIC

You can never get enough Mike Shaw love. Let's play fantasy booker for a moment. Let's say you have an awesome big guy who can work a great match and bump who just joined your promotion hot off a great feud with Owen Hart in Stampede Wrestling. The rare big man who was just as good working with other big guys as he was with smaller wrestlers. Let's say this guy falls from the heavens and lands in your lap. How would you book him? If your idea would be to book him as a retarded guy who escaped from a mental institution chances are you were running WCW in the late 80's and should be curb stomped because you laid the ground work for what would one day become the blueprint for the Eugene character. The gimmick was that Norman had busted out of the looney bin and that Teddy Long had the ability to send him back, thus making him subservient to Teddy. He wrestled in hospital garb with one wrestling boot and one tennis shoe. Get it? Mentally deficient people do wacky things like not dressing properly! So basically Teddy mistreated Norman, Norman finally turned on Teddy and no one really gave a damn. It's a shame that such an awesome monster sized dude had such a garbage gimmick, and even worse, this was just the tip of the iceberg of crappy gimmicks for poor Mike. When you think about it, Norman may have been the peak of his post-Stampede career. As bad as the Norman gimmick was it looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin compared to Friar Ferguson and the previously mentioned Bastian Booger. I guess the moral of the story is that shit does indeed happen and for some unfortunate souls it happens repeatedly. Here's a quick little brawl between Norman and Kevin Sullivan, a great match with him and Cactus Jack and also a funny little thing where Norman paints a picture for Woman and then gets jumped by Nitron. Enjoy.

 

THE SHARK

I absolutely LOVED John Tenta. As far as big, fat, sloppy dudes go, John was the best. He was an amazing worker for a dude his size. He made an instant impact in his WWF debut, attacking the Ultimate Warrior and being launched as a major heel right off the bat. After several solid years in the WWF he headed off to WCW where he debuted as Avalanche. WWF legal got on that and WCW was forced to change his gimmick. So what did they choose? A shark. The Shark was yet another member of Kevin Sullivan's crap factory known as the Dungeon of Doom. To his credit he threw himself so far into the gimmick that he even had his large tiger tattoo on his left arm turned into a shark. Well, as fate would have it, wrestling fans were not very receptive to a man wrestling as a shark and the gimmick flopped. Poor John, he deserved better. For your viewing pleasure I have tracked down the origin of the Shark character with Tenta claiming to be a shark as well as the promo where he claimed he was NOT, in fact, a shark. Also thrown in is a fun little match between Shark and Sting. Good night, y'all.

 

 

PAPA SHANGO

Poor Charles Wright. Such a big dude with a good look who was (at the very least) passable in the ring. Yet he was saddled with such awful gimmicks that the closest he came to fame and fortune was by portraying a pimp. But first things first. Papa Shango was a voodoo king who, uh, used voodoo against his opponents. He was big and scary and if the gimmick didn't require people to basically turn off their brain while watching, well, I dunno. He probably still couldn't have made it work. The gimmick didn't work, they brought him back as an ultimate fighter, a black militant and finally as a pimp. In a case of life imitating art, he now runs a strip club in Vegas. So I guess there's a happy ending after all. So here, watch some of Papa Shango's finest moments. Peace.