Slapstick Saturday: The full throttle edition

J. Meric

Remember when The Undertaker used to drive around the ring on his Harley-Davidson? It's kind of hard to do when said motorcycle sputters and dies on the entrance ramp, but it still doesn't stop him from being an "American Badass."

Welcome to another edition of "Slapstick Saturday," Cagesiders, where your old pal Hulk Holland pokes fun at every botch, blooper and bomb the world of professional wrestling has ever given us.

This week, we're going full throttle.

Back when John Cena was a rapping thug who wore a dog chain and spoke in rhymes, he managed to come across the path of The Undertaker, leading to an eventual "fight for respect" at the Vengeance 2003 pay-per-view (PPV) event from the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado.

And that high altitude can be a bitch.

It's not uncommon to see a wrestler gas out when performing in higher elevation, but this may be the first time in WWE history when man outlasted machine. That's because Taker's big, bad entrance, the one where he drives around the ring on his Harley-Davidson, never happened.

Instead, his scooter just sputtered and died on the entrance ramp.

What's great about "The Deadman" is that he doesn't even bat an eyelash. In fact, he barely breaks eye contact. Cool as a cucumber while fumbling with the choke. Once he realizes it's a lost cause, he just kind of leans back like a boss and makes it look intentional.

Tazz: "The Undertaker is zoomed in on Cena!"
Michael Cole: "How zoomed in is The Undertaker? He's not gonna waste time with the motorcycle! He's gonna walk down the ramp!"

Skip to 1:58 for Taker's entrance.

Dishonorable mention goes to the Doctor of Thuganomics, who not only compares himself to the greatest villain in the history of modern cinema, but also promises to defecate whatever he doesn't digest of his opponent's corpse.

I don't need leather pants and tattoos to try to act cool,
I got throwbacks and steel chains, I lead the new school!
It's time to take out the evil, keep him restin' in pieces,
I'm gonna eat you alive dawg, then find your bones in my feces!
I'm untouchable, this won't be a fight,
I'm gonna walk away with his bike and he can suck my tailpipe!
He had a good run, but it's bye bye, see you later,
I'm the real dark side, half machine like Darth Vader!
I'm way better than dead man, you just another sucka,
You think he's beatin' John Cena? You's a stupid motherfucka!

Word life!

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