FanPost

Your Weekly Reminder of How Much Worse WWE Could Be

WWE.com

You know, I've been reading a lot of negativity from wrestling fans lately - from the Payback pay-per-view (PPV) to the RAW the night after, and I think we are really being too hard on the product, not realizing how much worse things could be. So to hopefully allow more people to appreciate the (in my opinion) currently excellent product, I'll take a look at how mismanaged the current storylines in WWE could be.

Let's rewind to 8:00 p.m. ET on Monday, June 2, 2014...

- Evolution comes out, discouraged and beaten. Batista quits. Triple H responds, "Well Dave, if that's how it's going to be, then fine. We have a Plan B. There's a man that's been waiting in the wings, ready for his chance to shine. And to be honest Dave, he's twice the man you'll ever be. Ladies and gentleman, please welcome the new member of Evolution, CJ Parker".

"GOOD LORD MAGGLE!"

"I'm only going to do this Evolution thing if you guys promise to recycle", Parker says.

"Will do", Triple H responds. Parker then lays out Batista and hits him with his palm-strike finisher while the announce team puts over how devastating it is.

- Cesaro & Bad News Barrett vs. Sheamus & Rob Van Dam never starts because the Great Khali comes in and lays everyone out.

- Bo Dallas jobs out to Santino Marella in about a minute. Hip-toss, headbutt, cobra, pin. Santino then declares his intentions to challenge for the Intercontinental title.

- Stephanie McMahon comes out. In frustration from the previous night's events, she declares that she will not strip Daniel Bryan of his title, but that she will not stop naming Kane as the number one contender until he wins the championship. The world releases a collective groan at the fact that we have to continually watch Kane main event matches.

- John Cena comes out with a smarmy grin. He begins barraging the crowd with numerous immature jokes about Bray Wyatt. "WYATT FARTED AFTER I HIT HIM WITH THE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT HYUCK I SAW ROWAN HUGGING WYATT LATER HARKHARK ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE BRAY WYATT HAS NO FRIENDS AND I WON 'CUZ I HAVE FRIENDS THE ONLY REASON WHY HE GOT OFFENSE IN ON ME WAS 'CUZ I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO LOOK BAD HUSTLELOYALTYRESPECT BABAYYYYY". Cena then explains that he can say whatever he wants because Wyatt can't hurt him.

- Wyatt cuts a 3-second lantern promo "Welp, I guess I lost", he says.

- The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family is now The Shield vs. The Wyatt family, and the latter team just dejectedly walks away from the ring before the match starts. Shockingly, Los Matadores come down to the ring to confront The Shield, turning heel. Rollins then goes nuts, attacking Reigns and joining Los Matadores. El Torito bullsaults Reigns and Ambrose, and the faction of Sheildtadores is formed. In addition to being an awful faction, the team name is the worst portmanteau word in history.

- At 10: 25 Reigns and Ambrose then get up and immediately call out Evolution. "Hey, you know we have a Plan B, too" Ambrose says. "Meet our new Shield member".

Dolph Ziggler rushes the ring and stands next to The Shield. The six face off before Triple H, Orton, Parker, Reigns and Ambrose all burst into laughter and all mercilessly beat down Ziggler for 30 minutes. Ziggler gets hit with 3 pedigrees, 2 punt kicks, 3 spears, 4 headlock drivers, and 3 bouts of viewing apathy from the dejected audience. At 10:55, Ziggler oozes out of the ring, and Ambrose is like "No, seriously, here's our real new member".

...

...

... I DON'T GET HYPED, I STAY HYPED!

Mojo Rawley hits the ring and beats down all three members of Evolution. Reigns and Ambrose then hold up each member of Evolution so Rawley can hit then with a rear view followed by hyperdrive. The show ends with Rawley sitting on Triple H.

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