FanPost

Why didn't anyone tell me there was a cage match on a flatbed truck? Watching WCW Uncensored 95 for the first time...

WWE.com

If I told you there was a WCW pay-per-view (PPV) that featured a boxer vs wrestler match, Jim Duggan in a karate match AND a cage match on a flatbed truck that ended with both wrestlers getting fired would that be something that might interest you?

No? Well then I don't think we'll get along very well.

Anywho, let's get into the King of the Road match (cage match on a flatbed where you have to sound a horn to win... or something).

We join the match already underway and holy Toledo they really are driving a truck on a highway with Dustin Rhodes and Barry Darsow flopping around back there. I'm really at a loss for words right now. The truck is full of hay and bales of hay, there also is a rope hanging on the cage/fence. There's random barriers in the truck too. If any of this is confusing to you, it's equally confusing to me right now.

Is this match taking place in Alaska? I think the time of day has changed multiple times...

I have already begun regretting this decision. Nothing has happened for a good 4 minutes. They keep going to these helicopter (?) shots that don't show anything. Uh oh! Darsow is going for the rope. Oh wait, we're back to the helicopter shot and I have no idea what's happening. God, this is awful. Dustin just threw a bucket of water at him.

The truck turning was a high point. Seriously. Heenan and Schiavone have no clue how to call this. I think they're both bleeding at this point but I don't know how it happened. I can't believe I haven't heard of this before.

This just won't end. Heenan is going on about Elvis and his brothers-in-law. If it weren't for Heenan I'd have quit by now.

It's all just scenic views of rural Mississippi (?) not wrestling but to be fair there's not much wrestling going on right now anyway. Are they on a public highway? They were just stopped by a church bus? Hah! The bus just drove by, highlight of the match. I need this to end, I should have listened to everybody who told me how bad this was.

Darsow is hitting Rhodes with something. Maybe. Who cares? Darsow hits Dustin with that thing again, very lightly and he falls to the ground allowing Darsow to sound the horn to end the match.

Up Next?

Meng vs Jim Duggan in a karate match. Hopefully this has some the unintentionally comedy I was looking for out of our King of the Road match. Hah, how can it not? Duggan in a karate match. Excuse me, a martial arts match. Sonny Onoo is our Special Guest Referee.

USA chants from Duggan. Some things never change. Duggan is having none of Onoo's prefight instructions. Disrespectful quite frankly, I hope Meng beats you up Jim. Duggan is not bowing to nobody - no way! He then proceeds to bow... sarcastically? Is Duggan the heel? He can't be...

OH JUST START THE MATCH ALREADY!

I'm serious, if I didn't know better I'd think Duggan was the heel. And then Meng kicks him in the head while he bows, which I shouldn't like but I do. And then Meng goes for a pin? There's pins in martial arts matches? WCW, man.

Duggan is now beating Meng with his boot. Meng with an elbow. None of this seems particularly "martial artsy", just seems like a regular old wrestling match to me. Duggan tries to tear his shirt off, gets 90% of the way and says screw it.

I should learn to listen when people tell me not to watch PPVs.

If I didn't think Meng would somehow figure out to kill me for skipping this match, I probably would. How on Earth was Duggan as over as he was?

Duggan with his 3 point clothes line. The Colonel gets on the apron. Meng kicks Duggan in the face and gets the pinfall in the martial arts match that was just a standard wrestling match.

Up next is Arn Anderson vs Johnny B Badd in a boxer vs wrestler match. I believe this is scheduled for 10 three minute rounds. Arn can win by submission or pinfall, B Badd by KO. Marc Mero looks absurd by the way.

Round 1: B Badd starts off peppering Arm with jabs.

You know what?

I'm out.

I can't do this.

WCW Uncensored 95: Watch this if you hate yourself.

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