WrestleMania IX Review: Worst Toga Party Ever

Event: WrestleMania IX

Date: April 4, 1993

Place: Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada

Attendance: 16,891

*Sigh* This show sucked hard. Where do I start with this one? First of all, it was a big fucking toga party, which was a pretty dumb idea. Granted, it was at Caesar's Palace, but still. Also unfortunate is that this was the last appearance by Gorilla Monsoon until a brief segment at WrestleMania XV, six months before his death. Fortunately, this was the first WrestleMania to feature Jim Ross, coming to WWF after a stint in WCW. As you would expect, the commentary team of Ross, Randy Savage, and Bobby Heenan is top notch and very entertaining to listen to.

On to the matches....ughh man this was a sucky show:

Tatanka (with Sensational Sherri) defeats Shawn Michaels (with Luna Vachon) via count out

First of all, Luna Vachon is one of the scariest women I have ever seen. Other than that, for the most part this was a boring match. However, it did pick up toward the end with more back and forth offense.

The Steiner Brothers (Rick and Scott) defeat The Headshrinkers (Fatu and Samu) (with Afa)

If you kind of recognize Fatu, that's because he is none other then the man we normally recognize as Rikishi. Also, the referee for this match and a couple others is Bill Alfonso of ECW fame. As for the match, it was mostly boring aside from a hit from a bamboo stick that sounded like a gunshot.

Doink the Clown defeats Crush

First things first, Crush had a killer mullet. As for the match, it was surprisingly good with good amounts of offense.

Razor Ramon defeats Bob Backlund

This was the first WrestleMania for Bob Backlund, despite him having an already-prolific career. The match itself was pretty short yet entertaining.

Money Inc. (Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster) defeats The Mega-Maniacs (Hulk Hogan and Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake) (with Jimmy Hart) via DQ

This was another fun match, but the ending was a complete crock of shit.

Lex Luger defeats Mr. Perfect

This was a damn good match, with plenty of good offense from both wrestlers. Also, Lex looks a lot like a history teacher I had in high school. That wouldn't be a bad thing...if the teacher wasn't a woman. Despite that, this match earns Match of the Night by a mile.

Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeats Giant Gonzalez (with Harvey Whippleman)

This match is universally named one of the worst wrestling matches of all time, and rightfully so. It's so bad that I don't event want to discuss it. However, this match does mark the first allusion to Undertaker's streak, so there's that at least.

Yokozuna (with Mr. Fuji) defeats Bret Hart

Believe it or not, this was actually a good match with good offense from both wrestlers. It's also feels weird for me to say this, but Yokozuna at this time was much more fit than Batista is now. Mr. Fuji was also really good at playing the heel manager role.

Hulk Hogan defeats Yokozuna (with Mr. Fuji)

This match took 22 seconds from start to finish. This match was also Hogan's last WrestleMania match until WrestleMania X8 in 2002.

Overall, although there were a couple of good matches, this WrestleMania was shit. I hereby give this show a D+.

Stay tuned for WrestleMania X!

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Cageside Seats readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Cageside Seats editors or staff.

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