I'm a big fan of clusterfucks.
When I was a senior in high school, some brooding troublemaker pulled the fire alarm during an indoor pep rally and it was fucking chaos. Because I was Mr. Cool, sitting in the top row of the gymnasium bleachers, sporting my denim jacket with the Beastie Boys Licensed to Ill crashing airplane album cover painted on my back, I had a bird's eye view.
And it was glorious.
With that in mind, I love battle royals and was particularly excited to hear that Creative is introducing The Andre the Giant Over-the-Top Rope 30-man Memorial Battle Royal. That is, until Hulk Hogan said it about 50 times in one promo, helping me realize that name is just too goddamn long.
So I'm just calling it The Giant Royal.
Set to debut at WrestleMania 30 next month in New Orleans, there's talk of bringing it back every year, if for no other reason than to have a convenient way to cram a bunch of mid-card wrestlers into "The Granddaddy Of Them All." I'm okay with that.
It's an easy way to jumpstart a push or give a rub where one is needed.
I'm also in favor of the idea of having the winner carry the Andre trophy around all year like hockey's Stanley Cup, because anything and everything can be used as a prop in professional wrestling. And the fate of the trophy may largely depend on who wins the battle royal.
The possibilities are endless.
If it was someone like Santino Marella, I wouldn't be surprised to see the little bronze guy show up in weird places like the Travelocity gnome. Or perhaps make an appearance with its face painted if Goldust reigned supreme. But most of all, I'm interested to see how many creative ways it can be used as a weapon.
It also keeps fans talking about Andre every year (and rightly so).
I was lucky enough to be watching when The Giant had his epic feud with Hulk Hogan. Naturally, being a Hulkamaniac, I despised the big man, and the way he was booked in the build-up to WrestleMania 4 -- no selling shots from a 2x4 -- only made me hate him more.
He was a terrific heel.
It also speaks volumes about his talent and more importantly his ability to get over, since there has never been a big man to fill his shoes following his untimely death. That's not a knock on The Big Show, who is a terrific performer, but he just doesn't have Andre's "it" factor.
But this isn't about finding the next Giant.
It's about paying tribute to the big man with a battle royal that should prove to be a good fluffer for some of the main card bouts and considering the cast of characters already included (see them here), we should get a couple of nice bumps and some Kofi-esque spots.
That said ... who are you picking to win? My money is on Alexander Rusev...