Tons of Funk (Brodus Clay & Sweet T) defeats Epico & Primo
in approximately seven minutes via pinfall when Tensai pins Epico
• The dancing babyface team has been working on tandem maneuvers at Tons of Funk University, or TOFU for short. That's what Tony Dawson said. I doubt that either of these big boys eat a whole lot of soy curd, or that Dawson or his partner, Matt Striker, know that that joke isn't funny.
• Cameron and Naomi look good, as usual. Rosa still appears on the Colóns trinatron, but doesn't appear to escort them to the ring. Strangest dang de-push, ever...maybe she's in rehab? Hopefully, she can conquer her demons and get back. She added a lot to their little team, and if the latest rumors of a renewed emphasis on the tag division are true, there should be a place for Primo & Epico.
• Clay and Primo start off. The Funkasaurus' new thing seems to be delaying his slams so that he can show off how easy it is for him to hold his opponent in the air. It's as unimpressive as it sounds.
• Tensai comes in to headbutt the corn-rowed cousin in the solar plexus and trade armbars. They mix it up by taking turns standing on each others' thighs in the corner in order to get leverage on the arms. The former lord hits his double underhook suplex and Primo bumps right out of the ring to take us to commercial.
• Primo and big Brodus are the legal men when we return, and it's rest hold city. The heel tries to punch free, but gets tossed for his efforts. Clay, moron that he is, throws him to his own corner, so he gets a tag that lets the cousins take over with a chop block and senton for two. A big dropkick from Epico stops BC's comeback attempt, and the Colóns hit an impressive dual suplex.
• Brodus rolls away from a splash attempt by Primo and both men make tags. Cannonball by T leads to a pin attempt that Carlito's brother breaks up. Brodus also uses a headbutt to the mid-section to clear out the interruption. The good guys hit "bad intentions", a double snap swinging neckbreaker - which apparently isn't one of the moves they developed at TOFU. Senton from Tensai and the Funkadactyls join their victorious men for dancing.
A Raw Rebound version of the McMahon family's head trauma theater is next, followed by the latest incredible six-man featuring The Shield and Team Hell No. Footage of that one picks up from Randy Orton's hot tag to Daniel Bryan through the finish.
Natalya defeats Tamina Snuka
in approximately five minutes via submission
• At least these two have been consistently portrayed as heel (Snuka) and face (Neidhart) lately, after their string of Superstars and NXT appearances earlier this year where the swapped alignments based on show and opponent.
• In a crescendo of banality, Dawson talks about Tamina having received an SUV as a gift from her cousin Dwayne before Dawson attempts to set up a backstory for this match by telling us that Snuka eavesdrops on the other Divas in the back and then runs around telling people what she heard. Because...girls, amirite?
• The Samoan gets the best of an early test of strength, but Natty manages to cartwheel out of an armbar and hit a nice scoop slam. She looks to lock in an early sharpshooter, but Tamina makes the ropes and slides out. When Natalya follows, she gets speared into the side of ring.
• The bad girl dominates most of the rest of the contest with strikes and rest holds. Her first try at turning the tide is stopped with a lariat, which is followed by a leg drop for a near fall. After powering out of a chicken wing, the blonde tries for a rolling elbow, but that is countered into a neckbreaker that also earns a two count.
• Snuka goes for a Samoan slam, but in a move that looks like it might have been botched, loses her grip when transitioning Natty to her shoulders. The Punjabi princess turns that into a sharpshooter and this time, finishes the match with it.
A full rebroadcast of John Cena vs. Curtis Axel and Ryback's beatdown of Cena from the end of Raw closes us out.
Nothing to see here. Let's give it a D for not being aggressively terrible, but that's the nicest thing I can say about it.
Anybody us watch this puppy? Agree or disagree?