Due to my notorious temper coming to a head with spending time on a website I actually like, I've done my best to pick carefully the things in our beloved fake and gay sport that I merely dislike, and things that I actively get angry about. Violent, hateful rage can be a hell of a lot of fun, but damaging my coposters spirits with destructive bile just makes things less fun for everyone on the site. If I'm truly angry about something, I want to have a damn good reason for it.
Jack Swagger has provided that reason.
I'm hardly alone on the "fuck Jack Swagger in the face with a ladder" bandwagon. His bland matches and terrible promos quickly put him neck and neck with Ryback for the 2013 Cageside Seats's "Least Favorite Wrestler" Award, and his careless injuring of the inevitable 2013 Cageside Seats's "Most Favorite Wrestler" Award Winner Dolph Ziggler quickly shoved his ass to the front. I could probably write a fanpost dedicated to all the names Swagger could choose from in a TNA run, and it'd be the most popular of the year. Jack Swagger's carelessness has pissed me, and every single member of the Cageside community, right the fuck off, and now is definitely a worthy time to vent some truly ugly hate for a person who deserves it.
But I want more than just that. With this post, I want to help call WWE to take responsibility for the safety of the company's workers.
Under no circumstances must Jack Swagger be allowed to work a Ladder Match.
Ladder Matches, when done right, are pieces of pro wrestling art when put in the hands of guys like Dolph Ziggler. But the caveat is that long hunks of metal set into motion as weapons, even when planned out, are dangerous to the lives and careers of those involved. Anyone who's ever watched a ladder match live knows that feeling of mortal terror felt for the safety of those you're watching, and anyone who knows the difference between a good and bad worker knows that you'd only ever want those you can trust to wield long, metal instruments of destruction for the purposes of staged combat.
Jack Swagger can't be trusted with that. Multiple people have received concussions in this year alone in regular matches because of this careless idiot, and now WWE's about to put him in the most dangerous match they run?
No, it shouldn't go down like that. There's no possible benefit a human being alive can name to a Jack Swagger Ladder Match which justifies the risk. In a perfect world, WWE would job Swagger to Santino in a "You're Fired" Match next week: but at the very least, WWE can keep this clumsy motherfucker confined to regular matches until his contract expires and he gets to decide on his TNA name.
As for which moniker shall be "doing in the in the Impact Zone," I'll leave my fellow Cagesiders to post their favorite ones. Personally, I'm fond of "Jake Bravado" and "John Confidence."