Editor's Note: This FanPost has been mildly edited for promotion to the front page and various sections within Cageside Seats for your enjoyment, Cagesiders!
SPOILER Notice -- Warning: This post contains spoilers for the May 4, 2013 CHIKARA event in Porterdale, GA. It also contains a couple of second-hand spoilers from the May 3 event.
CHIKARA returned to action this past weekend with 'Battle Not With Monsters' and 'The Ghost of You Clings..." and luckily for you, we have the results from a wild weekend of CHIKARA action, catch the results from Battle & Ghost right here, but for now, let's take a closer look at a Cagesier's reactions from Ghost...
Part I: Warming Up the Crowd
The first match was by the local promotion that usually runs out of the venue. It was fine, with a couple of decent combo moments by the guys with matching outfits (Jon & Trey, which I know from the giant names on the backs of their Speedos). This may have been a dark match, as it happened before Gavin's song, but the Smart Mark cameras were rolling.
The Gavin song was a weak, but direct, rip on the Director of Fun; Gavin seems to have two feuds going, which is a lot for a guy who doesn't wrestle.
The second match was much more interesting. It was Chuck Taylor vs. some guy named Shenron. As far as I know, this match was not advertised, but there were a whole bunch of kids in the back holding up Shenron signs. They apparently knew Chuck Taylor was going to show up, too, as one of the signs was "Taylor fears Shenron." (I saw one of them with a sign in line, so it's not like Shenron passed them out before the match.) Of course, Taylor heeled it up and broke the sign in half before the match. In one of the many adorable kid moments of the night, the kid with the broken sign went around during halftime getting each of the wrestlers to autograph it.
So, Shenron's pretty good. He was flying around as much as he could with low ceilings, and the match was pretty athletic. Word on the internet is that Taylor and Gargano quit FIST Friday night, and Taylor was not a happy camper. He lost to Shenron, making a whole bunch of kids happy, and accelerating his downward spiral into wherever this storyline is going.
The third match was Jigsaw and Shard vs. Fire Ant and AssailANT. (I know the internet's all AssailANT, but I'm going by the shirt he wore later.) I remember Shard pinning AssailANT, but I can't seem to remember what led to that. It was a long drive home.
Part II: A Collection of Moments
Match number four was Gran Akuma vs. Sugar Dunkerton. The story of this match was Icarus. He kept on intervening to help Sugar, and Sugar kept waving him off. Eventually, things went sour. Icarus was caught messing with Akuma on the top rope, and Akuma won by DQ. After the match, much to the chagrin of the audience, Sugar flipped out. He's relatively local (Augusta, as I found out at halftime), and he was livid that he lost in front of his friends and family through no fault of his own. So he quit FIST.
I think that just leaves Icarus as a member of FIST, which brings to mind an ancient Zen koan: "How can a single man wear a similar outfit?"
The Amasis/Kobald match started off well, as Amasis drug Kobald around the ring and let every member of the front row pop Kobald in the chest. It was cathartic. I'm not a huge fan of Kobald, and Amasis pulled a Cena, shaking off two or three finishers before winning with a really weak-looking spinning elbow. It was not the best match of the evening.
The final match before halftime was Colony: Xtreme Force + Purple Ant vs. Spectral Envoy + Green Ant. This was advertised without the two additions, and I assume that was to keep from spoiling the Grand Champion result from Friday night. I wasn't terribly impressed with the match, but the crowd went crazy with the only "THIS IS AWESOME" chant of the evening. The high point was a set piece with three of each team in a row on opposite sides of the ropes, with one from each side trying to suplex one from the other. The momentum went back and forth between each pair in unison, until the trio inside the ring (the good guys) finally got their opponents over.
The end of the match was interesting. During the entire match, the baddies were trying to take off Frightmare's mask (like they did at WrestleCon). The match ended with Missile AssaultAnt removing his own mask and making it look like UltraMantis took it off, so the heels won by DQ. It actually looked kind of nifty.
Halftime came, and I was surprised by who got the love. You'd think from the DVDs that Sugar and Jakob would be favorites, but they were pretty available for chatting the whole time. Kingston was swamped. I didn't know he had that kind of fanbase.
Part III: Bruised and Beaten
Next up was Donst vs. Saturyne, and, as usual, Donst's nihilism dominated the segment. His real opponent, however, was Gavin. He started the bit by "shaving" Jakob's head with a razor that clearly wasn't on. Gavin stayed clear of the ring whenever Donst was in it, introducing Saturyne from the corner. Instead of Saturyne's usual every-type-of-move-in-the-book sampler, we got her being beaten and abused by Donst for almost the entire match, being, among other things, repeatedly powerbombed. She sold like gangbusters, though, and it got uncomfortable (which is good, since it was a heel doing the damage).
As the match was really Gavin vs. Donst, it ended with Gavin straying a little too close to the tiger cage and being grabbed by Donst. Of course, when that was broken up, Saturyne took the opportunity to quickly roll up Donst for the fall, which gave her a tiny bit of retribution for being slammed around the ring like a pigeon in a canvas bag. Donst got his hands back on Gavin, though, knocked him unconscious, cut off a huge chunk of his hair, and put it in his mouth. It looked like he swallowed it, which is pretty awesomely disgusting. The crowd chanted accordingly.
The last two matches were nuts and made the whole night worth the drive.
First up, the Grand Champion defense, Kingston vs. Angelosetti. Eddie Kingston came out with a slight limp, which I assume he got (or re-aggravated) in North Carolina. Angelosetti proceeded to demolish that leg for the entirety of the match. Touchdown was relentless, continually twisting, slamming, pounding, and stretching that leg, and Kingston got weaker and weaker on it, to the point where he couldn't even walk and only barely stand. Eventually, Kingston came out on top, but it didn't feel cheap, and he got "Thank You Eddie" instead of a Cena chant. Also, Touchdown increased his vocal fans from six of us to eight at the end of the match. There might not have been a whole lot of spectacular moves, but it felt intense. Because of the leg, the near falls felt like they were actually close, and it was hard to see how a hobbled Kingston could win until he did (off the top rope). I really liked this match.
Another adorable kid moment happened before the final match. The Batiri came out and acted all grrr arrgh. Then they stopped, looked kind of frightened, and pointed. There were two little girls wearing Batiri masks in the third row.
The story of the Campeones defense was an injury. Right after the first fall (a DDT by Batiri), Parker was hurt. Either he was actually hurt badly, or he's one of the greatest sellers in professional wrestling, because his face was red, he was crying, and had to be drug to the back. A slight knock on CHIKARA was that it took a couple of minutes before the help the ref called actually came. For the next 10 minutes, Matthews got whipped. The two Batiri relentlessly pounded him until a mistake left one of them on the ground, and Matthews snuck in a rollup for fall number one. The entire time, the crowd was loudly chanting "ONE POINT FIVE." Get it? It was actually pretty awesome.
Parker was a gamer, though, and came back out. If this was a work, he needs some sort of trophy for selling an injury. If not, he needs some sort of trophy for finishing the match. He was tagged in and gingerly worked to give Matthews a break. Also, Ophidian and Kobald were interfering the whole match. Ophidian still lands on his left foot when jumping down, so he's probably not healthy. Kobald sounds like a 5 year old at trash talk. When an (adult) fan said, "You're the worst," Kobald replied, "No, you're the worst!" They went back and forth repeating themselves over and over until Kobald had to join the action. Eventually, 3.0 retained, but they were pretty wrecked.
Of course, I rate the show an 'A' -- because live shows always feel like A's. I didn't see any mysterious packets change hands or anything suspicious, so I'll have to wait for the release to see if anything in the resignation storyline went down. I will definitely be giving smvod.com $10 when this becomes available. It's worth watching again.