WWE Superstars results and reactions from March 28: SOS

When most WWE programming has been somewhere between disappointing and infuriating on the Road to 'Wrestlemania', where does that leave their traditionally weakest show? We tuned in to find out for you.

I feel like I just watched an above average episode of this HuluPlus streamed offering from WWE yesterday. But that must have been something else, since there were three matches, and Superstars only has two.

Kofi Kingston defeats Primo

in approximately ten minutes via pinfall

• Kofi is introduced by Tony Dawson and Matt Striker as being really excited about WrestleMania Access. I understand that you need a segue in to shilling for whatever product this show is set-up to push, but, wow, is that a telling statement on the state of Kingston's career and this year's card. I've never been his biggest fan, but he's always been a crowd pleasing staple of multi-man matches, whether it be Money in the Bank or Team Johnny versus Team Teddy. Now he's looking forward to interacting with fans the week before the show. Wow.

• Epico and Rosa accompany Primo to the ring. I'm sorry. I'm as tired of thinking and typing it as you are of reading it, but...why can't we have tag teams? And these guys are always at least solid. Who did they piss off?

• The pace varies early on in this one, as we get lock-ups, head locks and arm bars mixed in with leaping dodges and rope running. The latter does get the crowd going. Primo heels it up by rolling in and out multiple times to slow things down. He and his cousin huddle to congratulate themselves on their strategy in an obvious set-up for Kofi to leap out onto them on the floor, but he fakes us all out by hitting the top rope with his upper body and ricocheting back into the ring on his dive. When you watch so many WWE-style matches that you feel like you can call the spots, little things like this are appreciated.

• Kofi has a lot of offense that is just him running or jumping at people and then flinging his arms at them. It's not exactly a strike, but they aren't clotheslines or lariats either. I know what they are! Lazy.

• The heels only use their numbers advantage once - Mendes distracts the referee while Epico slingshots Kofi's neck off the top rope allowing Epico to get a two count - and that results in the crowd having very little interest in booing them or cheering the hero. They really only pop when the pace quickens, which happens a few more times as this one lumbers toward its conclusion. These both culminate in Kingston hitting crossbody blocks for near falls.

• Primo looks like he might have this one when he nails a chicken wing DDT. He sets up for a backstabber, but Kofi flips him over and lands the Trouble in Paradise and wraps this up.

Match Footage below via WWE.com''s Official YouTube Channel:

Cena - Rock video. Is there anyone who has ever watched a second of WWE programming who hasn't seen this yet?

Raw Rebound of the CM Punk and Undertaker confrontation.

A commercial for The Call. This is getting ridiculous, even for this show.

A recap of the whole HHH - Lesnar feud with lots of footage from the contract signing on the 18th. And then a replay of Hunter's entire promo from the 25th.

Natalya defeats Aksana

in approximately three minutes via submission

• I see a ton of these two on my beat. Ms Neidhart, I get. She can work and theoretically help others to work better. Aksana, though. I mean, she looks great but... I just answered my own question, didn't I?

• At least Aksana is clearly the heel and Natty clearly the face. That's progress for these two.

• There's a lock up to start and the former fitness model takes control when she escapes a Sharpshooter attempt and then pulls the pursuing Natalya's leg out from under her, slamming her neck first on the apron.

• The crowd may also be NXT watchers and confused about the wrestlers' alignments, as Aksana is getting some cheers early. The ladies both work to get the right reactions. The brunette does a bit of showboating while she literally walks over her downed opponent. And a taunt after slapping the Punjabi Princess in the face multiple times provides the opening for the blonde's popular comeback.

• The Calgary native rolls out of the way of a knee drop and cinches in the Sharpshooter.

Match Footage below via WWE.com''s Official YouTube Channel:

They show a commercial for Triple H versus Lesnar. Seriously. A recap, a replay, a three minute Divas match and then a commercial. For the same angle! #(%& this show.

Raw's main event segment featuring The Rock, John Cena and the Legends panel closes out a pretty freaking dreadful edition of Superstars.

D-. And it only barely passes because Primo and the women were trying.

How was it for you, Cagesiders? Anybody think I'm just cranky because I didn't get my usual NXT fix this week? Somebody give me a hug in the comments.

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