Cesaro! Kane! Bryan! AJ! Midcard Hell! United States Championship!
Antonio Cesaro won the United States Championship at SummerSlam (Aug. 19, 2012) in the pre-show match against Santino Marella. Since then he has been on a completely bi-polar run as champion. He'll go through stretches where he dominates, where he is booked as a monster heel.
Then Cesaro will be forced to job to Ryback, Randy Orton, and -- for reasons that I will never understand -- Sin Cara.
Team Hell No won the Tag Team Championship at Night of Champions (Sept. 16, 2012), going over Kofi Kingston & R-Truth. The run was supposed to be short, as Daniel Bryan and Kane were always an uneasy companionship. It cannot be denied the love/hate relationship has been fun to watch. But they were going to have problems, and then drop the belts to a heel tag team.
However, Team Hell No kept retaining. And retaining. And retaining.
Pro wrestling works when you have a plan. When you know where the characters are going. Where every match, promo, and gimmick happens for a reason. Professional wrestling is not a complicated medium, nor is it one that should be particularly hard to screw up.
Which makes it all the more infuriating WWE cannot get this right.
Cesaro has much in common with his Intercontinental Champion counterpart Wade Barrett -- with the exception of being a billion times more awesome. His run to the title was glorious. His work early on as the pro-America, anti-American heel was brilliant. Lately, though, he has just been stalled. The brief feud with The Miz left both men looking average.
In a sport such as pro wrestling, parity is a death knell.
Team Hell No should have broken up months ago. It's been a fun ride, but it has passed the expiration date. The purpose of them coming together was to put over a heel team. Get the tag team division off to the right start. Put some heat on the new champions, and let a face team chase them. Simple booking is simple.
It's a shame WWE has clung onto Hell No's gimmick, afraid of losing one of the few legitimately entertaining segments.
As it stands, Hell No is set to defend their titles against Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston at WrestleMania 29. We can only hope WWE does the right thing and have the straps change hands.
With Ziggler's tendency to lose at every turn, though, no one can be sure what will happen.
As for Cesaro, he doesn't even have an opponent for the "Grandaddy of Them All." He might get stuck in the pre-show with a random opponent, or he could even get shoved off the show all together. It's a damn shame that he's getting screwed over like this.
But what else can we expect from the WWE midcard?
In! Tonight's! Action! Bullet! Points! Mini! Spoilers!
Note: all matches are based on reports from last night's (March 26) taping. The endings will not be given away, but there may be slight spoilers. The card is always subject to change.
- The Funkadactyls will take on The Bella Twins for some Divas tag team action.
- Brodus Clay and Tensai may, or may not, have a new Tag Team name to call themselves.
Hopefully, this has prepared you for the night's festivities. Leave a comment below about what you are looking forward to, and please join the entire CSS Wednesday night gang in the WWE Main Event live blog TONIGHT!