WWE: The Chode to WrestleMania

WWE

Letters from the Sky? Pfffft. How about some letters from the fans?

Monday Night RAW was difficult to sit through (see reactions here).

That's not something I should be typing this close to WrestleMania 29, which is (as we all know) the biggest show of the year. It's certainly the most expensive, now upward of $70.00 for the April 7 broadcast. That's some heavy silver for a wrestling pay-per-view.

What the hell am I paying for?

As of this writing, the only match I consider a "must-see" is CM Punk vs. The Undertaker, which surprises me, considering how quickly it was slapped together by creative. True, the death of Paul Bearer raised the stakes, but I believe the build to this feud is being handled with better craftsmanship than the main event.

And to think, one half of that duo barely speaks.

That's part of the problem with The Rock and John Cena. They speak too damn much. While I'm not crazy about those goofy debates, I can understand their place in today's programming. But hey, here's an idea, when you have a three-hour show that has already run past the 180-minute mark, how about you keep the fucking mic off Dusty Rhodes?

That segment was part of the reason (the other being the replays) RAW ended on a sour note.

Don't ask me to pay attention for three hours, then wait for the overrun to hold court. It's just too hard to listen to a couple of guys trying to act, complete with pained inflection and dramatic pauses, when all I want to do is put my kid to bed.

That reminds me, now that Rock is an actor, he has to act every line.

By contrast, Cena tries to keep it a little too real and glares at the camera like Non staring at Ursa's deep-fried snake in Superman II. I think it's a fair comparison (Taker/Punk, not Kryptonian villains) because it's an example of a winning formula.

Solid promo, brief altercation, amazing highlight package.

That's my big issue with the Rock/Cena feud. There just isn't enough balance and the one promo they have for those two is "Letters from the Sky" from Civil Twilight (watch it here). Why does that matter? Because they picked style over substance.

Consider the lyrics:

One of these days the sky is gonna break,
And everything will escape and I'll know.
One of these days the mountains are gonna fall into the sea,
And they'll know.
Never fall away!

Cue Cena's sadness about losing last year, then bout highlights and some Rocky jibber-jabber.

One day soon I'll hold you like the sun holds the moon,
And we will hear those planes overhead,
And we won't have to be scared,
We won't have to be, we won't have to be scared.

You're coming back for me!

Catchy tune. Sounds like it's a good fit, but it's not. Here are the lyrics they left out.

One of these days the sky's gonna break,
And everything will escape and I'll know.
One of these days the mountains are gonna fall into the sea,
And they'll know.

That you and I were made for this,

I was made to taste your kiss,

We were made to never fall away,
Never fall away!

Whoops! I didn't realize they were separated lovers...

I know some people will accuse me of nitpicking, like piping in applause for a dead show or splicing together old footage to sell a storyline, but for me it's just contempt for the fans. Remember that awesome song for Triple H and Shawn Michaels, Fight! ahead of their SummerSlam feud?

That's how you do it.

You want to cut corners or just slip one past me on The Miz vs. Wade Barrett, fine, that's to be expected, but the WrestleMania main event between arguably the top two guys on the roster? You can do better. We deserve better. I know because I've seen it.

Sometimes on the same show.

We have just a handful of programs before the big one, Cagesiders. Let's hope they can make that $70 price tag hurt just a little bit less between now and then.

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