WWE Superstars results and reactions from March 21: A Funky Ryde

A couple of this recapper's favorites make appearances on a thirty minute edition of WWE's internet only offering this week. Should you make a point of pulling it up to find out who shows up alongside 'Superstars' regulars like Zack Ryder and JTG?

Fair warning - I'm in a bad mood about this episode from the time I see the image next to its listing in my HuluPlus queue.

Antonio Cesaro defeats Zack Ryder

in approximately eight minutes via pinfall

• Apologies to Tilda Swinton, but we need to talk about Antonio. Was not losing the US title to Miz a bad thing? Conventional wisdom had it that he would drop the strap and move on to bigger things. He was featured in his own WWE.com video and was main eventing Smackdown in a match with Randy Orton, Sheamus and Big Show. Now he's regularly working NXT and I have to worry he's about to lose to the Long Island Iced freaking Z on Superstars? Seriously, WTF!?!?

• I guess Ryder, a former US champ, has been through a similarly precipitous fall. But he's not one of the strongest guys in the business, who can work any style against anybody, with the charisma to transcend a one-note gimmick. So I'm not worried about him.

• Case in point, Cesaro takes Zack down early and delivers Three Stooges slaps to the back of his dyed head of hair. Ryder is indignant when he gets up, to which Cesaro responds "Woo woo what?"

• The heel stays in control for most of this one, and logically works the leg as both of his opponent's big moves, the Broski Boot and Ruff Ryder, depend on them. Probably the most interesting move of the contest, a shinbreaker onto the barricade, occurs during the break (even though this is a pre-taped show they can edit any way they want) because Superstars.

• Okay, there's a few great spots. Next is one where the champ counters the boot into a one-legged giant swing. The challenger turns a vertical suplex into a neckbreaker, but can't press his advantage when his wounded limb gives out on him. He does make it to the second rope for a Ruff Ryder, but Antonio catches him clean. The internet champ turns this into a Frankensteiner, but Cesaro reaches the ropes before the referee gets to three.

• Z is apoplectic about not getting the pinfall, and his raging at the ref is the opening the Swiss needs to kick out the weak knee, deliver a European uppercut through the ropes from the floor and land a neutralizer.

Okay, that was a really fun match. But if I spoke five languages, I'd say that Cesaro deserves better in all of them.

Match Footage below via WWE.com''s Official YouTube Channel:


Guess which Wrestlemania main event video production that I'm sick of airs next?

That's followed by CM Punk's Harlem Globetrotters routine with the urn from Raw.

Brodus Clay and Tensai defeat JTG and Michael McGillicutty

in approximately four minutes via pinfall when Clay pins JTG

• I don't know why, but the fact that Tensai is wearing a coonskin cap with his track suit amuses me greatly. As do Cameron and Naomi's red and white gym shorts, sports bra and knee socks costumes. But in two totally different ways.

• Tony Dawson says that JTG and (mai boi) McGillicutty refer to themselves as The Perfect Cryme. Which is really phenomenal. Why can't we have tag teams again?

• One of the things that the Clay - "Sweet T" team does is keep Brodus out of the ring. The former Albert looks great when he's ascendant, hitting a nice uppercut to Jason the Gangsta and catching Mr Intensity for a swinging side slam. He also sells well, but the bad guys don't get a chance to get in much offense.

• Matt Striker puts over MM as "the best kept secret in WWE". They also refer to him as Curt Hennig's son about 45 times during this brief match, so can we let him work under his real name now? Sorry, this match puts a lot of strands in the old Duder's head.

• Once the Funkasaurus gets the tag, it's the usual sloppy splashes and suplexes. He and T hit the call my momma tandem splash on JTG for the W.

Match Footage below via WWE.com''s Official YouTube Channel:

The complete HHH/Lesnar contract signing (with Paul Heyman mastery and illogical story logic) from Monday night takes us out.

If I set aside my issues with the United States champion even being on this show, there was actually a lot of fun packed into a brief running time. Let's call it a straight C and hope for better things for Cesaro and McGillicutty.

Were you surprised to see Antonio on Superstars? Do you share my fan rage? Should the WWE Shop add Tensai licensed Davey Crockett headwear to their offerings?

You know how to let us know.

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