FanPost

Random Wrestling Thoughts

Sometimes, as befits my nature, I come up with weird questions and thoughts out of nowhere. Occasionally, they're wrestling-related. Here are a few of them.

"Vanilla midgets." Okay, so yeah, the "midgets" moniker is a definite epithet, but "vanilla"? Not so much. Contrary to its reputation, vanilla (real vanilla) is incredibly complex and flavorful. It's the fruit of an orchid that only makes fruit once a year and can only be pollinated one day a year by either hand or a specific kind of bee. Vanilla is incredible stuff. So technical wrestlers, it's time to take back the V-word! DAMN RIGHT WE'RE VANILLA!

You know what I'd like to see? The Rock on a cooking competition show. Seriously, sign him up for Season 3 of Rachel vs Guy Celebrity Cookoff. Then we can SMEEEEEEEELL-L-L-L-L! What the Rock! Is cooking. Literally.

Two of the smartest people in politics and economics (in the Bird's humble opinion) are wrestlers. Glen Jacobs (Kane) and John Bradshaw Layfield. Mind. BLOWN.

I get why they went with the Flock, but an equally good name for a stable spearheaded by Scott Levy? Raven's Lunatics. ...Think about it.

No matter how many weird concept matches I have or ever will devise, I can at least take comfort in this: I didn't come up with the Dog Kennel from Hell.

Just once, I want to see a ref who has a gimmick of being a Spinal Tap mark. That way in Last Man Standing matches, we could have someone whose count goes to 11.

Has Bruce Campbell ever been a celebrity guest on Raw? And if he hasn't...why not?

I legitimately fear the day that Vince McMahon finally discovers Japanese animation. ...Actually, now that I think about it, he may already have. Certainly would explain the suspiciously Caucasian "Japanese" guy.

Here's a free gimmick for Chikara: a wrestling platypus. Hey, you're family-friendly, so maybe you might even be able to license Perry's image from Disney! Kckckckck.

It'll never be used, and justifiably so, but I did once figure out the one way to bring a hardcore match to a no-contest: legit attempted murder.

Mick Foley's written several highly-regarded books. So has Chris Jericho. Now imagine if they got the idea to co-write a book together. Great idea, or BEST IDEA EVER?

All I want is for a wrestler to succeed who's the same size as me. (Rey doesn't count; he's a lot shorter and over 20 pounds bigger.)

Finally: I want someone to paraphrase a quote from "Army of Darkness" in a promo. Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the fanpost.

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Cageside Seats readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Cageside Seats editors or staff.

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