Cageside Seats Week in Wrestling: Jan. 27 to Feb. 2 - Brock Lesnar returns, new Aces & 8s members

Brock Lesnar - takes crap from nobody, not even Vince McMahon. - Josh Hedges/Zuffa LLC

Catch up on all the results from WWE and TNA shows with the fifth Cageside Seats Week in Wrestling of 2013! This was the week where Brock Lesnar returned to Monday Night Raw and sent Vince McMahon to the hospital with an F-5, while on Impact Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco turned heel on Kurt Angle and revealed themselves to be the latest members of Aces & 8s.

Hello, Cagesiders! Welcome to the fifth Cageside Seats Week in Wrestling of 2013! One day late due to work commitments, but we're here to help you catch up just as Monday Night Raw kicks off the next seven days in sports entertainment history.

WWE

Raw (Jan. 28th)
  • WWE was in Las Vegas for the night, so it was time to roll out the Raw Roulette gimmick once again.
  • An irate CM Punk lashed out at the people about being screwed out of the WWE title the night before at the Royal Rumble. Vince McMahon was sick and tired of his crap. Moreover, Vince claimed that he had proof that Punk had been working with The Shield all along and that Paul Heyman was involved too. Thus, he would be giving Heyman a performance review in the main event segment tonight.
  • Randy Orton pinned Antonio Cesaro with the RKO in a match refereed by The Miz. After the match, Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale on Cesaro.
  • Ryback spun the wheel and got Make Me Laugh. His unlucky opponents - The Prime Time Players. Matt Striker ruled Ryback the winner with his joke "What has four eyes, twenty fingers, and is about to be knocked out?" The punch line of course being Ryback laying out the PTP.
  • Wade Barrett won the choice of his opponent. That bit Barrett in the butt when his pick Bo Dallas scored the upset by countering his Bull Hammer finisher.
  • John Cena squashed Cody Rhodes with the AA. After the match, Cena unsurprisingly announced that he would face the WWE champion at WrestleMania 29. The Shield then ambushed Cena. Sheamus and Ryback both made unsuccessful attempts to the save him from the onslaught.
  • Tensai had the misfortune of his wheel spin landing on lingerie pillow fight and off he trotted. Vickie Guerrero obviously didn't want that sight for sore eyes on her show, so she got his opponent Brodus Clay to spin again and this time it ended up falling on dance off. Of course, Clay didn't tell Tensai about the change of plans, so we had Fat Albert strutting his moves in a negligée. Ron Simmons uttered his usual remark at such tomfoolery.
  • Alberto Del Rio got a body slam challenge with the Big Show. The match didn't even happen as Show knocks out Del Rio with the WMD before the bell has even rung. Show then used duct tape to tape Del Rio to the ropes, destroyed Ricardo Rodriguez while Del Rio watched on helpless, before knocking them both out with WMDs.
  • Kaitlyn and Tamina went to a no-contest in a Las Vegas Showgirl Lumberjill Match when all the lumberjills started brawling in the ring, and they just stopped fighting and watched on while the referees restored order.
  • The Rock put over winning the WWE title again as a big deal in a promo. CM Punk confronted him to set up a rematch for the belt at Elimination Chamber in three weeks time.
  • Sheamus defeated Damien Sandow in a Tables match.
  • We had a Karaoke competition with Zack Ryder, Jerry Lawler, The Great Khali, Natalya and Hornswoggle. Khali sang HBK's theme music Sexy Boy. 3MB crash the party, but get embarrassed in the inevitable brawl.
  • Chris Jericho returned to Raw and issued jibes back and forth with Dolph Ziggler. Vickie Guerrero spun the wheel and it landed on Strange Bedfellows, which led to...
  • Team Hell No defeated Chris Jericho & Dolph Ziggler when Kane pinned Ziggler with a chokeslam.
  • Trish Stratus was announced for the WWE Hall of Fame.
  • Vince McMahon showed footage of Paul Heyman telling Brad Maddox he'd already paid him off, then The Shield came for their money and beat down Maddox and his cameraman. Just as Vince was about to fire Heyman, wouldn't you know it, but Brock Lesnar's music hit. The show ended predictably with Lesnar hitting the F-5 on Vince and Heyman being left all panic stricken.
  • Kassius Ohno & Leo Kruger defeated Derek Bateman & Alex Riley in a tag team tournament match when Ohno submitted Riley with a neck crank. After the match, Corey Graves took advantage of the situation, slapped on his 13th Step submission hold and had to be dragged off by two referees.
  • Mason Ryan squashed Sakamoto.
  • Paige submitted Aksana. After the match, Summer Rae ambushed the Anti-Diva from behind.
  • Sasha Bank was given a flowery poem from a secret admirer.
  • Bo Dallas & Michael McGillicutty defeated Epico & Primo in another tag team tournament match when Dallas pinned Primo with a belly-to-belly suplex.
  • Coming soon - the semi finals of the tag tourney: Kassius Ohno & Leo Kruger vs. Oliver Grey & Adrian Neville and Bo Dallas & Michael McGillicutty vs The Wyatt Family.
Main Event (Jan. 30th)
  • The program started with MizTV featuring Ryback. This was a proper love-in, as Ryback told Miz how much he loved his show, before telling the host how Antonio Cesaro won't be so lucky this week.
  • Ryback defeated Antonio Cesaro by count-out again. This time he had to boot Miz in the face to escape.
  • The Prime Time Players bullied Tensai over his lingerie dance on Raw, but Brodus Clay stuck up for his new mate.
  • Tensai pinned Titus O'Neil with a running senton. After the match, Tensai danced with the Funkasaurus.
  • The Usos defeated Epico & Primo when Jimmy pinned Primo with the Samoan Splash.
  • Kofi Kingston pinned Michael McGillicutty with the Trouble In Paradise.
  • Smackdown GM Booker T announced an Elimination Chamber match for the pay-per-view of the same name featuring The Great Khali, Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler with the winner getting a World Heavyweight title shot at WrestleMania 29. The returning Jack Swagger then asked to be put into the match. Ziggler then vacated his spot in the barbaric bout, as he still has the Money in the Bank briefcase left to cash in. An annoyed Booker T booked him in the main event with Alberto Del Rio and told the rest of his crew whomever impresses him the most tonight will get the remaining slot in the Chamber.
  • Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara defeated Team Hell No when Mysterio pinned Daniel Bryan with the Dime Drop, leading to more dissension in the Hell No camp.
  • Alberto Del Rio was waiting for The Big Show with a steel pipe.
  • The Great Khali pinned Jinder Mahal. Apparently, Hornswoggle stopped the rest of 3MB from interfering.
  • Teddy Long revealed to Booker T that it was his idea to bring Jack Swagger back. Team Rhodes Scholars then announced the break up of their team whilst still remaining the best of friends. Booker booked Damien Sandow in another match with Sheamus for later.
  • Sheamus defeated Damien Sandow via disqualification when The Shield interfered. No help for Sheamus this time, as he got pasted with the triple power bomb.
  • Randy Orton pinned Wade Barrett with the RKO. After the match, Barrett was doing an interview with Matt Striker when he happened to see Bo Dallas talking to some women, so the Englishman decided to take his frustrations out on the newbie.
  • Jack Swagger submitted Kofi Kingston with the ankle lock.
  • The Big Show arrived in his bus to be met by the metal pipe brandishing Alberto Del Rio. Somehow Show managed to escape the madman and drove off in a getaway car.
  • Alberto Del Rio told the injured Ricardo Rodriguez to stay in the back.
  • Alberto Del Rio submitted Dolph Ziggler with a cross arm breaker.
  • Unsurprisingly, as the match went on, Big Show was able to take Ricardo hostage. Over the Titantron, he told Del Rio to stay in the ring or he'll break his best bud's neck. Show forced Ricardo to beg like a dog, before hitting him with the WMD again. What a scumbag!
Saturday Morning Slam (Feb. 2nd)
  • Dolph Ziggler pinned Zack Ryder with the Zig Zag.
  • Wade Barrett pinned Yoshi Tatsu with the Blackpool Slam.

TNA

Impact Wrestling (Jan. 31st)

  • Christopher Daniels, with Kazarian of course, did an interview in a kilt and face paint insulting the "frumpy Brits" and claiming himself to be the uncrowned king of TNA. Magnus then made his return, issued a challenge to Daniels, overcame a two on one ambush and cut a hometown babyface promo calling Devon out because he wanted revenge on Aces and 8s for putting him on the injured list.
  • Magnus defeated Devon via disqualification when Doc and Mike Knox interfered.
  • Joseph Park was interrupted by Robbies E and T before he could announce who he wanted to challenge on Open Fight Night. Instead Park accepted E throwing down the gauntlet to him, which led to...
  • Joseph Park pinned Robbie E with a second rope splash.
  • Austin Aries pinned Chavo Guerrero with a brainbuster after interference from Roode that took Hernandez out of the picture to earn a tag team title shot on next week's show.
  • Bully Ray, Brooke Hogan and Sting all lobbied Hulk Hogan to reinstate Ray. The Hulkster acquiesced and made a match for the trio against Aces and 8s next week.
  • Velvet Sky & James Storm defeated Tara & Jesse when Storm pinned Jesse.
  • The main event was Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle in a steel cage match. Angle won by submission with the ankle lock. After the match, a member of Aces and 8s climbed into the ring while Wes Brisco locked the door of the cage. The former unmasked himself to reveal Garrett Bischoff. They both beat down Angle and stood tall together as the show went off the air. What a shocking turn of events, Cagesiders!
Be sure to click all the corresponding tabs to find out more with live blogs and post-event reactions. Until next week, Cagesiders!
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