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First thing's second. Last night you sold me Sonic. You sold me Tout, you sold me Twitter, you sold me two movies and you sold me Social Media Smackdown. Hold on, I need to slam my head into the wall over that last one. Okay, I think I gots all the stupids oot.
Point is -- you sold me everything under the sun except for WrestleMania or the WWE. Am I the only one who thinks that promoting the WWE and its superstars are starting to take a backseat to promoting every social media whack-a-doodle in existence? WWE is starting to turn into Randy Marsh over this social media stuff. Yes, they are all great tools for promoting your company, but that's what they are...tools. I don't need Michael Cole spending five minutes of airtime telling us about the awesomeness of screwdrivers.
Connectivity is great. Your desire to connect with your fans in new and interesting ways is incredibly admirable. But, you are taking it a little too far. Just ease back a little. That's all I'm asking. I understand that I live in a brave new world of connectivity and instant feedback. But, like the rest of the audience, I happen to already live in that world.
Please stop treating me like your eighty-year-old grandmother, selling me how awesome this whole "social media gimmick" is. I'm not asking you to stop, or drop it completely. I just want you to ease up on it. You need to be selling me WrestleMania right now.
Dear John Cena,
Okay, I lied. First thing's third. I really should just go ahead and get this over with.
John, I have been beyond critical of you for over a year now. But, I believe that all of my criticisms of you have been fair. In that spirit, I feel that it is only fair for me to offer you praise where you deserve it.
Last night (Feb. 25), on Monday Night Raw, you brought your A-game against Punk. It takes two top performers to be able to turn in a match of that caliber. Your performance last night was absolutely stellar. Punk really does bring the best out in you. I greatly appreciate how you sold the victory, as if you didn't even realize that you had won. There was no smirking to the fans, no cartoon antics, just straight up good storytelling in that ring. The match was a physical war that made you look great, but also made CM Punk look good despite his loss.
Here's the thing John, you're greatest attributes as always been your intensity and earnestness. Like Mark Wahlberg, you have an inability to express irony. That's why your brand of comedy sucks so badly. As a straight up, intense and passionate babyface, you work. As a stand-up comedian and prankster, you don't. Right now, as you are about to begin your second program with the Rock, this is important.
The Rock is going to try to drag this feud down into a heap of juvenile insults and bad comedy. Don't let him. Keep it serious, keep it intense, and keep it passionate. Look him straight in the eye and tell the Rock,
"Fuck you. Everyone one of us in the back has busted our ass all year to get to this WrestleMania. There are guys in the back who won't even be on the WrestleMania card that worked hard for this company while you walk around with a WWE Championship that you don't deserve. Sure, you can come here and talk about fruity pebbles and Twinkie tits, but the fact is, I wrestled thirty minutes on Raw last week, and you couldn't even bother to show up."
That's the John Cena we need to see, not the cartoon character. Utilize that intensity, harness that passion and put a damn chip on your shoulder. The Rock has come into your house and disrespected you, spit in his eye. No more self-depreciation, no more smiles and bad comedy. It's time that you send that pampered movie star back to his trailer. Last night you proved you belong in the main event at WrestleMania by wrestling a fantastic match. The Rock hasn't proved shit. The Rock doesn't deserve the thunder he's stealing, and you need to prove that point to him.
PS: That powerbomb looked great, more of that please.
You're the goddamn WWE Champion; you need to be on Raw. You need to be on every Raw while you are holding that belt. Look, I get that you're a very busy man juggling a million things at once. I understand, truly I do. I understand that you're not going to be on every Raw and will only work PPV matches. Fine. But, if that's the case, then you cannot be WWE Champion. If you're not able to go the distance, then that belt needs to be on someone who is more deserving of it.
Chris Jericho, CM Punk, John Cena, Daniel Bryan, Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus, Mark Henry, Kane.
All of them deserve that belt more than you do. If you want to come in, work a limited three-month program for a big WrestleMania paycheck, that's fine. But, you can't do that as WWE Champion. The WWE Champion has to be on Raw, he has to wrestle on Raw, he has to do house shows, and all of that. He's the top guy in the company. If you can't make that commitment, than you should not be WWE Champion. It's that simple.
Let's face it; your current run has sucked. That spark that you once had is nowhere to be found in the current incarnation of the Rock. The greatness is gone. What we have in front of us is a shadow, half a memory of one the greatest superstars in WWE history. This is becoming more and more obvious as I watch. You need to do something drastic; you have to find the Great One within you once again. What you need to do, is turn heel.
You were always at your most innovative when you were a heel. Remember when you first came back from Hollywood? That little program you worked the Hurricane? Even going as far as putting him over? Remember how you re-invented the Rock into a more Hollywood type heel? That's what you need to tap into man. That is where you'll find that spark. I know you want to sell your movies and your brand, but give us this. Show us that deep down inside, the Rock is truly alive. It's selfish of me, I know, but I want to see the Great One again.
I don't know who the brain behind this is, but they deserve all the praise in the world. You guys are on fire. I'm not going to spend a lot of time here, because so much has already been written about how good you guys are. The same with CM Punk, what more can be said?
Sometimes it's harder to praise than it is to criticize. Especially when the work guys like you put out on a regular basis. It gets to the point where there really is nothing to say but good job.
Dear Triple H,
If we are getting glimpses of what Triple H's WWE could be, I'm cool with it. WWE is more dynamic and interesting right now than it has been in years. JBL put it best when he said this during the Shield's TLC match, "if this is the WWE's future, then the future looks good."
Could we be seeing the transition into the next great WWE age? Maybe, maybe not. But man, the WWE is stacked with talent right now. You guys have been looking for your next mega-babyface. I have a suggestion:
The man is beyond entertaining, can wrestle great matches with anyone, and unlike Sheamus, has a real knack for comedy. Everyone loves an underdog, and there is no more credible underdog than Daniel Bryan. This is a man who could carry the WWE Championship for months, against a wide variety of opponents. This is the man you need to invest in.
At WrestleMania 30, the main event should be a heel CM Punk against a face Daniel Bryan. It needs to happen.
We the people.