TLC: The PPV Is Gonna Suck, And Here’s Why

So, how about that final segment on RAW Monday night? You know, the one where the Seattle crowd and CM Punk were both having none of that "ascension ceremony" business? I'm sure Bret Hart was thinking, "4/10, not even in the top 1000 ascension ceremonies ever". I was thinking 2/10, would not watch again. Then Randy Orton hit John Cena and everybody died. Hell of a final segment, wasn't it? If that was a last-ditch effort to keep TLC: The PPV (pay-per-view) from being the least bought in WWE history, then surely it worked (but we'll have to wait until the final numbers before making that declaration).

But I got some bad news: TLC is gonna suck. If you look past the last 20 minutes of RAW, WWE has done little to build this PPV. Yeah, they've set up the Wrestlemania stretch beautifully, but the push proper doesn't begin for another month. I'm not worried about a month from now; I'm worried about now. WWE will ask its "universe" to pay $50 ($60 for the HD feed) for a PPV for the second time in less than a month. Will you? If you're still on the fence, here are six reasons why you shouldn't.

  1. The "title unification" will serve as nothing more than a belt swap. Unless and until I see one undisputed championship belt, I will stick to my guns in saying that Randy Orton and John Cena will climb the ladder and retrieve each other's belts. That pretty much defeats the purpose of title unification, does it not? And considering their streak of unsatisfying finishes to PPV's as of late (Summerslam, Night of Champions, Battleground, Hell in a Cell, Survivor Series), I would not put it past them to do it again. Congratulations, Randy and John. You'll each add one championship reign to your ledger without having to actually beat each other for it. This isn't just kissing your sister. This is making out with her in front of friends and family at the holiday party while being stone cold sober. (I guarantee you; this is gonna happen at some holiday party somewhere.)
  2. Where's the tables match? The ladder match? The chairs match? Unless something changes within the next five days, this will be the first TLC PPV to feature nigh a tables, ladders, or chairs match. Yet, what you will get (and let's be honest, if you're gonna order the PPV, this is why) is a pair of 1-on-3 handicap matches. I guess calling the PPV Handicap is out of the question. You'll also get (again, spoiler alert) a four-team tag title match, with one of the four teams being (again, spoiler: Big Show and Rey Mysterio). Guess who's winning that one, ya'll?
  3. It's the holidays; you have better use to make of your $50 ($60 in HD). Like, a subscription to Hulu Plus for a few months so you can watch some of that NXT goodness. Or that last minute gift you've been meaning to get. Or a subscription to the WWE Network... hahahahahahahahaha...OMG I could not say that with a straight face. I'm sorry. I'll believe the Network is real when I see it. (And promptly plunk down my dollars for it if they use the same subscription model as Netflix and Hulu.)
  4. The Total Divas season finale is this Sunday. I don't watch it, but I know some of you do. This, by the way, is either really genius, or really stupid programming on somebody's part. If that doesn't grind your gears, then consider this: AJ Lee, winner of zero Slammy Awards (and divas champion for the last six months) is going to lose to Natalya because Total Divas. Paige, Emma, and Bayley cannot get to the main roster fast enough.
  5. Bengals-Steelers is this Sunday. Granted, the Bengals aren't a national draw. But the Steelers are, and this Sunday night, they're playing for their season. If they lose, no playoffs for sure (remember, they have two losses to the Baltimore Ravens, something that will be taken to account in tiebreak scenarios). This Sunday might very well be the end of the Steelers as you know it. [ed. note: the Steelers are 1 - 1 against the Ravens this season but still pretty much require a miracle to have any shot at the post-season since the only team they have a tie-breaker advantage over is the hapless Jets. Can't argue with anything else in here, though]
  6. Anything that happens at TLC and the three weeks following will probably not count or matter. Because guess what's after that? 2014 and the Wrestlemania push, beginning with the road to the Royal Rumble.

I admit, my argument isn't as strong as it was for Survivor Series, because let's be honest, everything other than the main event has the potential to be really good. It's a shame WWE has put all their eggs in the title unification basket. Honestly, I can't wait to hear the rage come Monday regarding the world titles match.

So, TLC: buys, no buys, negative buys?

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Cageside Seats readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Cageside Seats editors or staff.

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