Rotten Bacon Bits #2: Anarchy in the UK

Well children, it's Friday night, and you all should know what that means. That's right! It's time to dive headfirst into the weekly celebration of the bad and weird moments in WWE programming.

Remember, just because something is featured on here doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad segment. I just found it extremely weird and felt it worthwhile to talk about it.

Without any ado, let's dive into this week's celebration:

1. Recaps, recaps, and more recaps

Ok WWE, we get it. We know you want to show us in the peanut gallery a recap of earlier events in the show that contributed to an interesting storyline. However, do we REALLY need to see a recap every single hour? Furthermore, does Main Event and Smackdown really need to be populated with recaps? That time can be devoted to more matches from wrestlers who haven't made many appearances (if any) on TV, including Sami Zayn and Paige, among others. If I wanted to see a recap, I'd go to YouTube, a live blog, or (shudder) the WWE App.

2. Union Jacks

Alright, we can all moan and groan about how redundant 3MB has gotten lately, and their numerous matches with Los Matadores do not help their case at all. However, the whole Union Jacks gimmick for UK week was just plain awesome. They were definitely faces this week, that's for damn sure. Oh, and the Union Jacks actually won a match, and Drew McIntyre got to use Future Shock. If that isn't awesome, I don't know what is.

3. Vickie Guerrero in Yoga Pants

It must be said: yoga pants are a great invention IF AND ONLY IF worn by the right kind of people. Same thing goes for short shorts (and I know that everyone on this site has horrific images of short shorts gone extremely wrong). As such, I don't believe that a 45 year old woman such as Vickie Guerrero has ANY business wearing yoga pants. She acts like a woman whose children would be ashamed to be seen in public with her due to her wardrobe choices. Vickie's recent wardrobe choices beg the question: Where's Tim Gunn (Tim Gunn) when you need him? And if any of you get the reference I made with mentioning Tim Gunn (Tim Gunn) as I did, you deserve a cookie.

4. Zack Ryder with a Goatee

Just one thing worth mentioning here: Zack looks EXACTLY like Scotty 2 Hotty with his hairstyle and goatee.

5. WWE's Overall Obsession with Total Divas

I get it: Total Divas is WWE's new pet project. However, how many people tune into a WWE event and want to see a Divas match that correlates with a Total Divas storyline? Not many people, I can tell you that. Granted, this whole fixation with Total Divas gave us the brilliance that was AJ Lee's pipebomb against the Divas. Unfortunately, it has also given us the donkey shit that is Eva Marie. Somewhere between these two ends of the spectrum are the Bella Twins. Granted (and I know that some people won't agree with me here), both Bellas, especially Brie, have improved in the ring. However, why are they suddenly faces? There was no bona fide face turn for them, so why are people treating them as such?

6. Fandangoing is Still a Thing


7. Ryback Hates Being Bowlied

Someone help me understand this. Ryback is probably WWE's biggest bowlie at the moment. We have all seen the segment involving the shower room (and the origination of Rapeback). However, if anyone bowlies him, he turns into a preteen girl who was denied tickets to a One Direction concert. Why is that? Also worth mentioning (and someone joked about this in the Smackdown open thread) is the sexual tension between Ryback and Curtis Axel. Fan-fic writers with a psychotic mindset, start writing now.

8. Arm Wrasslin'

What is best for business-ah according to WWE? Arm Wrestling! YES, THAT'S IT, ARM WRESTLING. The peanut gallery will mark out for some good ol' fashioned arm wrestling! Umm, no. Why do segments such as this exist? I'd rather watch a twerking contest between all of the Divas than a damn arm wrestling contest. Honestly, if I wanted to watch arm wrestling, I'd look up the Cheap Seats (who remembers this show?) segment where they made fun of an arm wrestling tournament. It is certainly better than watching this segment.

That wraps up the rottenness for this week. If you don't agree with my skewering, or if I left a worthy moment out, then say so in the comments.

Til next time!

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Cageside Seats readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Cageside Seats editors or staff.

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