Seriously, fuck him. Its a vulgar, non-creative way to express myself, but at this point I really don't have much left in the word tank concerning the Hulkster. His exit from TNA is infuriating, but the fact that it's wholly expected and not at all surprising is depressing and pathetic. That's what Hulk Hogan is, a sad and pathetic little man.
The facade of the larger than life, comic book hero has crumbled away over the years leaving a pathetic, shallow little man, withered by all of his insecurities and ugliness, to be viewed and gawked at by the world at large. He is no longer a human being, but a carnival geek show who both horrifies and fascinates anyone willing to pay a dime to see him. In effect, Hulk Hogan is becoming the duck lady from the end of Tod Browning's Freaks.
The fact of the matter is this: the wrestling industry has been more than good to Hulk Hogan. It has been better to him then he has ever deserved. But Hulk Hogan has never given anything back to it. Sure, he put over Goldberg and Ultimate Warrior, but because he had little choice or was playing a long game that ensured that his monstrous ego would be sated and he would be in the limelight at the most opportune time, to prove that he was the only thing in pro wrestling that has ever mattered.
TNA has been good to Hogan; it has been better to him than he certainly deserves. It whored itself to his whims, allowing itself to play Kim Novak to his Jimmy Stewart. It became his vanity project, his friends and his daughter all got jobs and TV time at the expense of wrestlers in their prime, busting their ass for a company that barely gave a shit about them. Because Hulk Hogan is in the Impact Zone, and he's the only thing that matters. The top wrestlers, the company's future, its major angles, all have to play second fiddle to a washed up sideshow freak, because he was a huge star back in the 1980's.
To be fair, he was more than a huge star. He was a legitimate phenomenon in his heyday. But that was a little under 30 years ago. There is a place for the Hulk Hogan's of the world, but it isn't where he thinks that place is. It's putting over younger talent and giving something back to the wrestling industry that has been so good to him. Instead, he continues to feed off of it like a parasite. He could have grabbed the mic and said that AJ Styles was a real star and deserved Dixie's respect as such before walking off. It would have been something. But that would involve acknowledging the fact that time has passed Hogan by, something that in his twisted, egocentric mind he cannot face. The Gospel according to Hogan is this: no one else in wrestling can draw, because they aren't Hulk Hogan and only Hulk Hogan can draw.
The idea that he may appear on WWE television to suck in some of that sweet, reflected glory that is nostalgia is revolting to me. He deserves to wither away in obscurity. But then again, deserve's got nothing to do with it.
This column was written by, but certainly not endorsed or recommended by -
Warren Worthington III, Standard Internet Columnist and Garden Gnome enthusiast.