Happy New Year, Cagesiders! Welcome to the first Cageside Seats Week in Wrestling of 2013!
So how did WWE and TNA celebrate the occasion? Find out with the latest weekly synopsis of all their televised shows.
- MizTV opened the final Monday Night Raw of 2012 with guest John Cena, after plugging the Champions' Choice concept, where all WWE title holders had to defend their belts against challengers of their own choosing. I wonder where that idea came from? Cena revealed that he'd agreed to a toast to ring in the New Year with his ex AJ Lee and her new boyfriend Dolph Ziggler in the main event of the evening. Team Rhodes Scholars interrupted the love-in to bicker with the babyfaces, which led to...
- John Cena & The Miz defeating Team Rhodes Scholars when Cena pinned Damien Sandow after hitting the AA.
- Vickie Guerrero held a New Year's Eve party, but there's an unwanted guest in Mr. Ziggler, so she booked him in a match against Sheamus. However, she felt more festive with CM Punk, taking his whispered suggestion to put Ryback in a handicap match against The Shield.
- WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro pinned Sgt. Slaughter with The Neutraliser.
- WWE Tag Team Champions Kane and Daniel Bryan are pissed that they couldn't choose The Shield to face them, then they heard 3MB rehearsing, which gave them an idea.
- Back at the party, World Heavyweight Champion Big Show chose Ricardo Rodriguez and WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres picked octogenarian guest star Mae Young.
- WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No defeated Drew McIntyre & Heath Slater of 3MB when Daniel Bryan pinned McIntyre after a top rope diving headbutt.
- CM Punk and Paul Heyman came out with Punk's own personal physician, who claimed that the WWE Heavyweight Champion won't be healthy enough to face Ryback in a TLC match next week. That assessment is not good enough for one Vince McMahon, who forced Punk to be re-evaluated by WWE's doctors and told Heyman he'll be facing Ryback instead, if his protégé is deemed unfit to compete.
- Sheamus defeated Dolph Ziggler by disqualification when The Shield attacked him and left him laying with a Triple Powerbomb.
- Backstage, Wade Barrett goaded WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston into choosing him to be his opponent.
- Brad Maddox asked CM Punk and Paul Heyman for a job, but is shit out of luck, still.
- Oh dear, Mae Young can't compete because she's pregnant, again.
- Thus, WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres won by forfeit, but her night is spoilt when Kaitlyn attacked her and kicked her ass so much she is forced to flee.
- Alberto Del Rio gave Ricardo Rodriguez his scarf and his car keys to try and rally him onto victory against World Heavyweight Champion Big Show. It wasn't to be though, as Show defeated Ricardo by disqualification when Del Rio saved his friend from taking the WMD again.
- Wade Barrett pinned Kofi Kingston with the Bull Hammer to become the new WWE Intercontinental Champion.
- Mae Young gave birth to a cigar smoking Hornswoggle.
- The Shield went to a no-contest with Ryback, as they attacked him before the bell, which led to Sheamus and Randy Orton making the save.
- Dolph Ziggler changed his mind and uninvited John Cena from his New Year's toast with AJ Lee, but that didn't stop Cena from spoiling their night anyway by showing doctored photos of what their wedding and children would look like, before fake crap fell out of the sky to completely cover the loving couple dressed all in white. And Mickie James thought she had it bad...
NXT (Jan. 2nd)
- The Shield takes over the NXT arena and beat down the opening match wrestlers, which segues into a confrontation with Dusty Rhodes, who forces NXT Champion Seth Rollins to face Corey Graves in a title match main event.
- Bo Dallas pinned Epico with the Spear. After the match, Primo comes down and Bo is cornered by the tag team, but Michael McGillicutty stops them from attacking him.
- Tamina pinned Sasha Banks with the Superfly Splash.
- Kassius Ohno & Leo Kruger defeated Tyson Kidd & Justin Gabriel when Kruger pinned Gabriel with a flipping neckbreaker.
- Corey Graves defeated NXT Champion Seth Rollins by disqualification when Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns interfered. Dusty Rhodes sends out the locker room to make the save. However, The Shield easily takes care of Yoshi Tatsu, Alex Riley, Tyson Kidd, Justin Gabriel and Bo Dallas, but back off when Big E. Langston comes to the ring. Dusty then announces Rollins vs. Langston for the NXT Championship as next week's main event.
- The Miz tells Antonio Cesaro after nitpicking the quality of his video package that "if he doesn't like America he can take the first Swiss flight out of here".
- A backstage interview with The Great Khali sees the Indian tell Antonio Cesaro: "Shut up! U-S-A! U-S-A!".
- WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro pinned The Great Khali with The Neutraliser.
- After the match, Cesaro calls out The Miz, who he dubs "the pudgy chipmunk", who responds by saying "You're in America and it's ... AWESOME!".
- A Tout from WWE's doctor informed us that CM Punk is 100% ready to go against Ryback in a TLC Match on Raw.
- Kofi Kingston says he will defeat Wade Barrett to the Intercontinental Champion again. This leads to Barrett making a non-title open challenge to the entire roster for a Gauntlet match.
- Wade Barrett pinned Yoshi Tatsu, JTG and Justin Gabriel all with the Bull Hammer, but loses the Gauntlet when Kofi Kingston pinned him with the Trouble In Paradise.
Superstars (Jan. 3rd)
- The Usos defeated The Primetime Players when Titus O'Neil was pinned after a double Samoan Splash.
- Brodus Clay pinned Primo after a flying Splat.
- Randy Orton announces his entrance into the 2013 Royal Rumble match. Then Sheamus follows suit. Big Show doesn't care, they won't beat him for his World Heavyweight Championship. Antonio Cesaro doesn't need an excuse to come out and bash Americans, especially the grotesquely obese. Cue Smackdown GM Booker T to make the obvious tag team match main event.
- The Miz pinned Heath Slater with the Skull Crushing Finale.
- The Great Khali, Hornswaggle & Natalya defeated Primo, Epico & Rosa Mendes in a six person Inter-Gender Tag Team Match when Khali pinned Primo after a chop to the head.
- Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett pinned Kofi Kingston with the Bull Hammer.
- Tamina Snuka pinned Layla with the Superfly Splash.
- Randy Orton & Sheamus defeated The Big Show & Antonio Cesaro when Sheamus reluctantly pinned Cesaro after Orton sneakily hit the RKO on the Swiss heel while the Irish babyface was preparing for his patented Brogue Kick.
- Kane squashed Jinder Mahal.
- Daniel Bryan defeated Heath Slater by submission with the No Lock.
- Randy Orton interrupts a spelling lesson by Damien Sandow with one of his own: "R. K. O., I can teach you what that spells in the ring next week".
- Jeff Hardy is announced as the winner of a fan vote to determine TNA's "Wrestler of the Year" for 2012. This naturally led to complaints from Bobby Roode and Austin Aries, so Hardy booked a Triple Threat match between the three of them for Genesis. The heels then doubled teamed the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, but it backfired and they both ended up getting laid out by Jeff.
- James Storm pinned Kazarian with the Last Call in a match that saw liberal interference from Christopher Daniels.
- Aces and 8s wants to know whether Ken Anderson is with them. He's on board if no one shows Sting an ounce of fear.
- Doc calls out Sting, who freaks out when a baseball bat falls from out of the sky.
- Christian York defeated Kid Kash in an X-Division tournament match.
- It's supposed to be Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez, but Morgan turns up with a sling on his arm, so his tag team partner Joey Ryan takes his place. Of course, Hernandez wins by disqualification when Morgan hits him with a 360 clothesline.
- Crazy dad Hulk Hogan indefinitely suspended Bully Ray for making out with his daughter Brooke and not owning up about it. Just think how different this business would be if Vince McMahon had done the same with Triple H.
- Joseph Park has finally graduated from OVW and gets a glowing endorsement from all his trainers down there. So expect him back in the Impact Zone on Thursday.
- Mickie James & Miss Tessmacher defeated Gail Kim & Tara when James pinned Kim after a DDT.
- Hulk Hogan tells Austin Aries and Bobby Roode that their three-way match with Jeff Hardy at Genesis will be an Elimination match and that next week they'll team up to face Hardy and a partner of his choosing.
- Kurt Angle & Samoa Joe defeated Devon and A Masked Member of Aces and 8s in a Cage match when Angle pinned the Masked Man with the Angle Slam. The entire gang then come out to beat down the babyfaces, but, of course, Sting strolls out to take all the villains out with his baseball bat. The masked man gets cornered and it's ripped off to reveal Mike Knox of WWE "fame", acknowledged as such by announcer Mike Tenay. That's what I call revenge!