Hello, Cagesiders! Welcome to the third Cageside Seats Week in Wrestling of 2013! Though wrestling wasn't the main dish on the menu in either WWE or TNA:
The Rock's second week back saw him show off his comedy and lyrical skills in a largely meaningless, but nonetheless entertaining Rock concert on the 20th anniversary edition of Monday Night Raw, which overstayed its welcome a bit with the viewers at home.
TNA had more ratings success with their rushed wedding between Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan, which was ruined by Tazz unveiling himself as the latest member of Aces and 8s, and the masked gang beating down the groom while the distraught bride looked on.
Adding insult to injury, Brooke Hogan's breasts popped out of her strapless wedding dress. Find out all the other goings on in WWE and TNA over the past week with our latest weekly synopsis of all their televised shows.
- Vince McMahon started the show by bragging about how more than four billion people had watched Raw since its inception. The Big Show had the gall to interrupt the company owner to complain about SmackDown GM Booker T using affirmative action to help new Latino hero Alberto Del Rio win the World Heavyweight Championship. Naturally, this led to the Mexican coming out for an argument over the timing of their title rematch with Show insisting it be held at the Royal Rumble instead of later that night. The segment ended with Ricardo Rodriguez throwing a bucket of confetti on Show and Del Rio hitting a hurricanrana and an enzuigiri on his future opponent.
- Wade Barrett pinned Randy Orton with the Bull Hammer in an upset.
- Booker T told Eve Torres that if she gets counted out again in her Divas title match later tonight, then she'll be stripped of the title. Eve turned on the feminine charm, but Booker was having none of it. Booker's assistant Teddy Long got slapped by Eve when he laughed at her transparent plan being so easily seen through.
- Kane & Daniel Bryan pretended to be best of friends with Dr. Shelby to try and get their evaluation over with quickly. However, Shelby brought out their enemies The Rhodes Scholars as the ultimate test of their anger management skills, which backfired when Rhodes & Sandow started dissing his techniques instead. Shelby blows his top and tells Team Hell No to get them. The heels scarper leaving the trio to chant "YES! YES! YES!".
- Kane quickly pinned Damien Sandow with a chokeslam.
- Mick Foley is announced as the first of this year's inductees to the WWE Hall of Fame and came out to be met by The Shield. Ryback and Randy Orton made failed attempts to ambush the heels; it wasn't until Sheamus evened up the numbers that they soon retreated.
- Kaitlyn pinned Eve Torres with a spear to become the new WWE Divas Champion.
- CM Punk submitted Brodus Clay with the Anaconda Vice.
- The Rock congratulated Mick Foley on his upcoming WWE Hall of Fame induction, only to be interrupted by Vickie Guerrero who complained about all the noise. Rock surprised Foley when he doesn't lay the verbal smackdown on Vickie. Once she left, Rock hinted he has a plan for later.
- 3MB defeated Sheamus in an Over the Top Rope Challenge. Sheamus quickly eliminated Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre, but when he missed a Brogue Kick on Heath Slater, the other two band members pulled him over the top rope to cost him the match. After the match, Sheamus got revenge by Brogue Kicking them all.
- The Miz had a whale of a time with his special Miz TV guest Ric Flair until Antonio Cesaro interrupted the party to bash them both. The segment ended with the babyfaces double teaming the Swiss heel and Flair allowing The Miz to finish Cesaro off with his own version of the figure four leglock.
- Daniel Bryan quickly submitted Cody Rhodes with the No Lock.
- A video aired of Eve Torres quitting the company.
- John Cena pinned Dolph Ziggler with the AA in a Steel Cage match when Big E Langston's interference backfired.
- The Rock used his concert to make fat and small dick jokes at Paul Heyman's expense. Then he called out Vickie Guerrero to serenade her with "You Look
WonderfulHorrible Tonight". In his buzz phrase of the night, he said Heyman had "twinkie tits". Finally, The Rock got serious and told CM Punk that "You ain't God, but as God is my witness, I will beat you for the WWE title." The show ended with The Rock and Punk having a pull apart brawl.
- Adrian Neville defeated Sakamoto via pinfall with a corkscrew shooting star press.
- Leo Kruger apparently pinned Trent Baretta with the Kruger-end after Kassius Ohno interfered by hitting Baretta with his KO elbow. However, thanks to a second referee filling in the original to what happened behind his back, the decision is reversed to a DQ win for Baretta while he's being helped to the back by William Regal.
- Big E Langston, still a babyface here, squashed Camacho in a minute.
- Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel defeated Antonio Cesaro and Damien Sandow when Kidd pinned Sandow with a top rope elbow drop.
- Randy Orton defeated Antonio Cesaro by disqualification when The Shield interfered. The Miz tried to make the save, but got beaten down by the trio too, which allowed Cesaro to hit The Neutralizer on his enemy.
- With The Miz laid out for the night, this allowed Brad Maddox to jump the barricade and join Michael Cole on commentary. They bickered throughout the next and final match.
- The Usos defeated the Prime Time Players. Whose cornflakes did the PTP piss on to job to the Usos cleanly?
- Kofi Kingston defeated Michael McGillicutty via pinfall with the Trouble in Paradise.
- Zack Ryder defeated JTG via pinfall with the Rough Ryder.
- The show kicked off with Fiesta Del Rio to celebrate last week's World Heavyweight title change, complete with mariachi band, balloons and dancers. Dolph Ziggler interrupted the festivities to warn Alberto Del Rio that he could cash in the Money in the Bank briefcase at any time and thus the Latino hero would soon be saying adios to his big gold belt. Del Rio wanted to fight Ziggler right there and then, but Big Show came out looking pissed. Thankfully for the Mexican champion, Sheamus came out to even the odds and patch up their relationship. Smackdown GM Booker T then made the obvious tag team match main event, barred the heels from the Fiesta and does a Spinaroonie when the party kicks off again. Del Rio even encouraged Sheamus to dance, which wasn't the best of ideas for his tough guy image.
- Antonio Cesaro pinned Kofi Kingston with the Neutralizer.
- The Great Khali pinned Tensai with a big chop to the head.
- Backstage, Daniel Bryan and Kane argued about facial hair. Randy Orton accused them of acting like second graders and gave them the option of kicking Team Rhodes Scholars and Wade Barrett's asses instead of playing silly games. A deal was made and Bryan wanted a group hug should they win. Orton didn't seem down with that idea.
- Team Hell No & Randy Orton defeated Team Rhodes Scholars & Wade Barrett when Orton pinned Damien Sandow with the RKO. Team Hell No forced Orton to have a group hug with them, leaving him stunned into disbelief.
- The Miz submitted Primo with the figure four leglock.
- Kaitlyn defeated Aksana with a spear.
- In shaky cam video footage, The Shield called out Sheamus, Randy Orton, and Ryback. Dean Ambrose also claimed that Mick Foley is responsible for all the kids who hurt themselves in the name of "hardcore" and that they will hold him accountable for his actions.
- Randy Orton and Sheamus have a backstage argument when the former refuses to accept the latter's apology for not being there to help him out against The Shield on WWE Main Event.
- Alberto Del Rio & Sheamus defeated The Big Show & Dolph Ziggler by count-out when Del Rio threw a bucket of water over Big Show's head and Show walked out on the match as a consequence.
- Natalya submitted Alicia Fox with the Sharpshooter.
- Sheamus pinned Michael McGillicutty with the White Noise.
- In the backstage wrap-up, The Prime Time Players interrupted an interview with The Miz and they squabbled to set up next week's main event of Miz vs. Darren Young. No prizes for guessing who will win that matchup.
- Guess what, the Impact Zone is already set up for the wedding with cake and all.
- Wedding guests Spike Dudley and Tommy Dreamer hugged Bully Ray.
- Christopher Daniels and Kazarian interrupted a generic Jeff Hardy interview so that Daniels can announce he'll be wrestling Hardy for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship next week. Hardy bit off more than he could chew by attacking the smarmy heels, but James Storm made the save and booked an immediate tag team match between the four (please, don't ask me to explain this).
- James Storm and Jeff Hardy defeated Christopher Daniels and Kazarian when Hardy pinned Kazarian with the Twist of Fate.
- In the Gut Check deliberations with Tazz, Bruce Prichard and Al Snow, Brian Cage got immediately eliminated and Jay Bradley got a TNA contract after Prichard and Snow gave him the yes votes he required.
- Kenny King pinned Christian York using the trunks after an eye rake.
- Sting agreed to talk some sense into Hulk Hogan for Bully Ray.
- Hulk Hogan blew off a TNA cameraman when he's asked if he's going to attend the wedding.
- Taz joined the Bully Ray pre-wedding get together. Ray says Brooke is a nervous wreck due to her father.
- Hulk Hogan told Sting that he still doesn't trust Bully Ray. Sting told him to attend the wedding for Brooke's sake.
- Velvet Sky pinned Gail Kim with the In Your Face to retain her number one contender status for the TNA Knockouts title.
- Dixie Carter gave Brooke Hogan a pep talk backstage.
- Austin Aries and Robert Roode put each other over before objecting to the wedding. Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez confront and attack the heels, who soon bail.
- Hulk Hogan had a heart to heart talk with Sting in the back.
- Wedding time, at last! Of course, the Hulkster does the right thing and is on hand to give away his daughter. At the last second Taz interrupted the wedding service. He took off his suit to reveal an Aces and Eights waistcoat. Cue the rest of the gang to take out the whole wedding party, while DOC and Knox forced Brooke to look on and she accidentally popped out of her dress.
Be sure to click all the corresponding tabs to find out more with live blogs and post-event reactions.Until next week, Cagesiders!