Since last year when Brock Lesnar showed up on Raw to F5 John Cena the night after WrestleMania 28, I’ve had a headliner in my head for what the following Mania should have. And to my knowledge, nobody shares this vision with me. I’m so disappointed.
I’m not going to write out an epic booking explanation for this personal dream card, but I think it should be shared so that maybe (hopefully) others will relate to my pain once they realize this year’s potentially historical billing. In case I haven’t been clear enough: I am in no way suggesting this could happen, but that it should.
From top (Main Event) to bottom (show-opener):
CM Punk [c] w/ Chael Sonnen vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman
Explanation: Are you fucking kidding me?? We got CM Punk – the ‘Best in the World’ - and the ‘Master of the Brocktagon’ under the same roof, with Paul Heyman under contract as well, but this is on no one’s dream list? This books itself: WWE vs. UFC, but in a way more tasteful and smarter program than Cena’s attempt (duh). Look who’s involved. Look at the minds that’d be at work. You can have this be a simple, “let’s see whose better” or an all-out “fuck UFC!”-“No, fuck WWE!” feud. CM Punk can call upon his good buddy Sonnen to help him prepare to face one of MMA’s best-selling, most dominate guys, too, just for the ‘Celebrity Appearance’ Vince apparently requires for each Grand Daddy. And imagine the buzz it’d generate. Although this feud could happen, it’d very likely have to be without Sonnen due to contracts and stuff. Oh well, it’s an amazing thought in itself.
World Heavyweight Championship
Dolph Ziggler[c] vs. The Rock
Explanation: In the red corner, we have Dolph “I know how to sell, mmmkay?” Ziggler. In the blue corner, from “I’ve been selling hilariously awesome long before anyone knew you”, he is: The Rock. But it doesn’t end at “who sells the best?” There’d be a legit story. See, if you read my ‘The Rock Knows His Role, But Do You?’ post, you’ll know how I feel about CM Punk vs. The Rock. I firmly believe Punk going over is best for business because it not only allows Punk to be a credible wrestler; it puts prestige back into the World title (which it sorely lacks). If Punk were to win, he could come out the next night and be all, “Rock, you thought you could waltz into the WWE on an Undertaker schedule and compete with the Best in the World? I’m in my prime, this is all I do. My win over you simply proves that this business doesn’t cater to old guys that want to hog spotlight from those who actually still give two damns about it.” Etc.
This can position Rocky to be in a dilemma of, “I made a promise to these fans to become WWE Champion.. and I failed.” So he begins to wrestle more often (since he’s booked a shit ton these next three months) and earns himself an entry in the Smackdown elimination chamber. Elsewhere, you could have Ziggler win the belt off Alberto cleanly or whatever. Anyway, Rock wins the elimination chamber and advances to WrestleMania. What happens in between is basic “put over the up-and-comer” by whatever means (I’m guessing in a UFC-hype sort of way that Rock demands from his opponents now, which is excellent because Ziggler can actually talk good shit) but end-game is with Ziggler going over clean. Why? So Ziggler can say, “You can’t have it both ways, Rock. You can’t hope to compete in the WWE and also make dozens of movies at the same time. It’s either one way or the other. You stay here with us full-time or get your ass back to Hollywood.”
And if it were up to me, I’d have the Rock choose Hollywood over the fans. After jobbing to both CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler, Rock disappears for a while only to resurface as a certain 2003 heel.
John Cena vs. The Undertaker
Explanation: Really, this is a no-brainer. Cena is the last dude who’d highly convince people into thinking Vince would actually job Taker to. Spoiler Alert: Cena would/will lose, even in real life booking.
Evolution (Triple H / Ric Flair / Randy Orton) vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns)
Explanation: Make it an unofficial match like in a street-fight capacity to sneak around Flair’s retirement angle. They’ve done it before.
US & IC Unification
Antonio Cesaro vs. Wade Barrett
Explanation: Merge the two midcard belts so we can focus on one midcard guy to rule them all.
WWE Tag Team Championship: Five-Way Dance
Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Team Hell No [c] vs. Prime Time Players vs. The Usos vs. Rhodes Scholars
Explanation: overbooking the tag titles but oh well, I used to enjoy the big tag matches at past WrestleManias.
Money In The Bank
The Miz vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry vs. Sheamus vs. Christian vs. Ryback
Explanation: Gets the remaining ‘important’ dudes on the show. Plus, I suppose, gives MITB to Ryback.
Kaitlyn [c] vs. AJ Lee
Explanation: It’d be the best option.
Okay, I’m done playing fantasy booker.